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/>  Rain began to fall and I cringed as an icy drop fell on my cheek. He wiped it away and smiled at me. " Good- bye." he said. 
 He hugged me and I quickly kissed his cheek. He smiled, surprised. " Good-bye." I said and walked up to the house. I walked in and looked out the window. He still stood there smiling. He finally left. 
 Never did I know that I wouldn't see him for a very long time after that. 


                    I fight the drug
                    But I feel the tug
                    Lost I am
                    Never found again
                    To fall in the dark
                    To loose to lark
                    I fight and unknown
                    But I breathe it in as my own

 After a month I was kicked out. My aunt didn't want me any more. She said I had an attitude but I knew it was because her boyfriends looked at me more than her. I didn't call Christian when I was kicked out. I was sure he didn't want me bothering him again. Instead I walked the streets, homeless. 
 I often saw Alex. He would never smile though. He would always seem so sad. He would point at a phone as if to tell me to call Christian. I never did though. 
 One day a woman came staggering over to me and told me she would give me a home. I agreed and walked to her house. When she opened the door to the broke and drab house I saw a mess. Trash was thrown anywhere and groups of people huddled together. Children dressed in old tattered clothes hid from the adults. 
 " What is that?" I asked looking at the white powder the sat on a piece of paper. 
 " It's crack!" the woman giggled. 
 I looked at her with fear and terror. I was in a crack house. 
 She grabbed my arm and led me threw a hall. She opened the door to a room. There were two mattresses and one was taken by three people sleeping quietly. 
 I nodded my thanks even though there was none. 
 " What is your name?" I asked her. 
 " Donna. What's yours?" she asked. 
 " Valicia." I answered. 
 " Okay then. Come with me." she dragged me back to the living room and sat me down. A guy passed two needles our way. I held one and looked at it. 
 " Like this." Donna said. She raised the needle to the middle of her arm and stabbed herself. She injected whatever was inside into her. " Now your turn." she said laughing. The guy looked at me expectantly. 
 I raised the needle and did the same. I looked up and at them. Across the room Alex stood and he shook his head in disappointment. 
 
 I woke next to a Bubba, a guy that I was now " seeing". His shirt was off and so was every other piece of clothing. Same with me. I was still sixteen and was now sleeping with a twenty-five year old. In a crack house age meant nothing. I had been here for two months already.
 He smiled at me and caressed my face. His breath smelled of filth. " Good mourning." he said. 
 I smiled back. " Good mourning." I got up and pulled on a shirt and pants, unsure if they were mine or another girls. 
 A child sat playing with a toy in the hall. She was skinny and I could see the bones popping out of her body. She smiled at me though. 
 Even though I was messed up, I always seemed to have the right mind to give my food to the kids. And there was maybe five. Soon to be six since one of the other women were pregnant. 
 Donna came out of a room followed by a thug looking man. He was black and had tattoos everywhere. I could see a gun protruding from his waist. He looked over Bubba and then at me. His eyes lingered on my chest. 
 " This is T.D. He gives us the stuff!" Donna giggled.  
 T.D nodded and smiled at me. I hugged Bubba and stated at T.D. They walked past and we followed. Donna and T.D sat at a table and she pulled out money. He rubbed his hands together and pulled out a sack of crack. They swapped and he got up. 
 Bubba walked over to Donna as T.D advanced toward me. He stopped close to me and moved hair out of my face. 
 " What's yo name?" he asked. 
 " Valicia." I said. 
 He moved closer. " Maybe I should take you from here and show you something good. Would you like that?" 
 " I don't know." I answered, quiet eager to get to the crack. 
 " Well when you decided I'll get you." he smiled and walked away. 
 Bubba looked over at me and ushered me over. I came and smiled at the crack. I put some in a corner and sniffed. 

 Kalli, the woman who was pregnant, screamed as she pushed her baby out. It had been four months since I had seen T.D. He would often come by to vist me. He said he liked me a lot. 
 Another scream and everyone jumped around, unsure of what to do. A cry from a baby came and we all looked over. I ran over to her and did what I thought was to be done. I held the baby and with siccors cut the cord. A towel was given to me and I washed the blood off the baby. 
 It was a girl. I smiled at it as it grabbed my pinky finger. I looked around but everyone had already left. This baby was not important. Kalli was even gone. The other children walked over to me and looked at the baby in awe. 
 Alex stood next to me and he touched the baby's forehead. The baby girl responded with a smile in Alex's direction. 
 I got up and carried the baby to my room and set her on a clear spot of the bed. I pulled out one of my shirts and wrapped it around the baby. Children gathered around and stroked the baby. 
 " What's it name?" asked Renee, my favorite child. 
 " I don't know. What shall we name her?" I asked smiling at the kids. 
 " I think her name sho be Princess." said a two year old girl. 
 " No! It should be Rex!" said a three year old boy with a smile upon his skinny face. 
 " It should be Valicia, like it's new mommy." said Renee. 
 " Yeah."
 " Yes." 
 " Mmhmm." 
 I smiled at the name chosen but my heart sunk when I heard the announcement of me being the new mommy. I nodded though. " If you guys want it to be." I said. 
 The baby smiled and a giggle left her throat. I picked her up and rocked her back and forth in my arms. Her cheeks were rosy and her eyes were brown. She was cute baby. But I knew she would have problems later on since she was a crack baby. I held her close.
 The children began to leave to their tent in the backyard to play. I sat with the baby on the bed and I thought of Christian. I wondered if he had ever come to my aunts house looking for me. Probably not. He is probably off with a girlfriend and not even giving a thought to how I was. 
 The baby began to cry and I tried to think of something to make it stop. It was obviously hungry. What was I suppose to do though? I had no milk in my breasts. There was no formula. I looked around and saw Bubbas wallet sitting on the ground. A twenty popped out of it. I grabbed it and looked inside. There was a hundred dollars. I took fifty and stuffed it in my pocket. I set the baby down and went to the bathroom. I quickly showered and pulled my hair back. I threw on clothes and gathered the kids. We walked down street after street until we reached a Walmart. I went and bought formula and a bottle for the baby and fed the kids. 
 People watched us, unsure of why I had so many kids and why we all looked like trash. I began to bounce, my body was wanting drugs. The kids ate three hamburgers, two fries, and drank one large soda each. I asked if they could warm the formula and they did. The baby drank closing its eyes in happiness. 
 A man stared at me from across the room and I felt like I knew him. I suddenly felt ashamed of how I looked. I saw something walk up from behind him. Alex hugged the mans leg and I realized that it was my dad. I hadn't seen him in more than half a year. He seemed to have aged. He know had stubble along his chin and he looked weaker. I saw a tear fall from his eye as he looked at me. 
 " Valicia, who is that?" asked Renee. 
 " It's my dad." I said in almost a whisper. 
 " Really? Why don't you say hi?" she asked smiling at my dad. 
 " I don't think I should." I said. 
 My dad looked away and began to walk. Another tear fell from his eye. It must hurt to see your daughter surrounded by kids and dressed like a junkie. Alex walked after him and smiled knowing he was next to his dad again. 
 " Come on. I think it's time we left." I said standing. The little Valicia now slept in my arms. The kids cleaned their mess and followed me out the door. It was almost dark and we walked fast to get to our home. 
 When we got back I set the baby in the attic, where I would be sleeping tonight. I walked down to the living room and was greeted with crack and meth being shoved in my face. 
 I grabbed the needle and injected myself. Alex again showed but the smile was gone. 

 I woke with a start. Renee shook me and I could see tears rolling down her face. I looked at my side and saw that the baby was gone. 
 " What is it sweetheart?" I asked. 
 " They took the baby. It's dead. They drowned it!" she sobbed and I pulled her closer. She then straightened and ushered for me to follow. 
 I was led to a bathroom and she pointed to the bathtub. I looked in and cringed away, holding Renee close to me. The baby lay face down in the water. I took her out of there right when T.D came up. 
 He pushed Renee out of the way and pulled me close. Renee left, quiet heart broken. T.D kissed my neck and I smelt alcohol all over him. " When will I be able to take you away from this dump?" he said. 
 " When I feel like it." he pulled back and I felt his hand reach up my shirt. 
 " I think that should be now." he smiled. 
 I backed away and walked up to the attic. T.D came after me and pulled me toward him. Bubba then turned the corner and I saw his eyes flare in anger. 
 I stepped away as Bubba hit T.D.
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