What a Wonderful World, Undefined [free ebook reader for pc TXT] 📗

They started to fight and I grabbed Renee. I dragged her outside and I pulled the other kids toward me. I heard gunshots and the kids jumped and gasped. Screaming could be heard from inside. I shook my head. My baby was dead and now so would Bubba. Renee cried and I stroked her hair. 
 Alex sat next to me and he leaned his head on my shoulder. Everything stopped and was silent. Then sirens blared. I stood quickly and gathered the kids around me. A dog came sprinting into the back and began to bark at us. One of the little girls began to cry and a boy tried to shoo it away. A police officer came through the fence and looked at us, shocked. 
 Others came and collected the kids. I was then dragged to the cop car and shoved inside. I hung my head and cried quietly. I prayed that the children would be safe and that Alex would take care of my little Valicia. 


                       I feel such grace
                       But not able to see your face
                       I praise you in song
                       I shall worship you long
                       Forgiven I feel
                       Love so real
                       Give me faith
                       As you gave me a break
                        I sing your name
                       My demons remain tame
     
 I sat in a corner of my cell and I rocked back and forth. My body cried for drugs and I felt sick. The prison gaurds said I was 'searching' as they called it. I was put in a room alone where I would stay off the drug and find myself again. 
 I longed for Christian and to be back at home with everyone. I hated my cell. I was so closed in and tight in it. I felt crushed and trapped. I had no where to go. I rocked back and forth and thought of Renee and the children. I thought of how the baby hadn't even lived more than two days. I thought of how Bubba was dead and T.D imprisoned. I thought of Donna and wondered where she would be now. 
 I thought of how my thinking made me crazier. 
 At the jail I was required to wash, cook, workout, pick up trash, and attend church service. 
 I actually like the church service. Before I never went to church but my family called themselves Christians. The preacher was also very moving. 
 Her name was Amelia. She always wore black slacks and a white blouse. Her blond hair was always curled in perfect ringlets and she wore a gold cross. Her blue rimmed glasses magnified her green eyes and she spoke with a clear voice. 
 She told us how when she was a child, she was homeless. When she was fourteen she had been raped and bore a child. She told us how she wanted to quit so badly but held on. Then when twenty, with a six year old child, a pastor gave her an apartment. He bought her food and clothes. 
 She then went to church with him. Now she wanted to preach the word of God and teach other young women the word of God. 
 I often cried in service because I would see Alex. I felt ashamed to see him. I felt as if I had let him down more than anyone. 
 I would also think of Christian when at church. What would he say if he saw me here? Would he shun me and never see me again? I often wanted to ask if I could call him, since I still had his number. I kept it next to my heart all the time. 
 " Today we are going to talk about reason. What is the reason for sound wrong? Anyone?" Amelia asked. 
 A girl called Lila raised her hand. She was a scary looking woman. Her muscles were bigger than the guards and her hair was always in a big fat braid. " My reason was because my dad messed me up. He beat me so one day I beat him back." her voice was flat as she spoke. 
 Another girl raised her hand. She was very small and looked frightened. " I stabbed my boyfriend because he broke my arm." she was very quiet and it reminded me of Renee. 
 " Those reasons are like retaliations. Do you know what retaliations are?" Amelia asked. 
 I raised my hand, not knowing that I was. " Retaliations are the actions of harming someone because they harmed you. It's like revenge." I said. 
 " Yes. Now retaliations are not much of reasons as they are revenge. I mean like you wanted a candy bar so you bought it. The reason you bought the candy bar was because you wanted it. Do you understand?" 
 We all nodded. I thought to myself for a moment. What was my reason for being here? Was it my aunt kicking me out? Was it my dad leaving? Was it Alex dying? 
 I raised my hand again. " I got on drugs because I fell to the temptation." I said. 
 " That is what I was looking for! It is no one else's fault for what you do. It is your own fault. Your reason to do something is not because of what happened to you before. Your reason is because you had no strength left in you to make the right choice. Now this isn't wrong of you. Many make wrong choices and they have no reason to but they didn't make the right choice." 
 I thought of Alex again. Why wasn't be able to choose his fate? I wondered where I would be if Alex hadn't died. It was a mystery to me. 

 I twisted and turned in my bed. It hurt so much. My body was wanting something that I could never have while here. I ached and thought of a way to escape. Maybe if I got out I'd be able to get the drug. Get my life source. 
 No! I couldn't! There was no way out!
 I rocked back and forth and breathed heavily. I was killing myself. It was like dying from the inside out. It hurt so much. I wanted it to end but it wouldn't. It continued. 
 It hurt.
 It hurt so much.

 I sat at a conference table and waited to see who wanted to talk to me. I wished it was Christian, coming to save me from here. 
 Instead a man in a black suit sat down at my table. He was a short, squat man with almost no neck and all chin. He put a brown brief case on the table and took out a piece of paper. 
 " Ms. Valicia Mariano?"
 " Yes." 
 " I am sorry to tell you but your mother has died of an overdose on pain killers. We have been searching for you since March. It is now October. I'm very sorry." his voice implied no sorriness. 
 I nodded and thought of how long it had been. She must have died right after I left. It had been nine months. My birthday was in a month. How life moved so fast. 
 I stood. " Thank you for telling me." walking to the guard I wiped a tear from my eye. 
 Alex held my hand as I walked back to my cell. 

 I cried in my cell. Something had just come over me. I had knelt down to pray, like Amelia said to do, and I began to cry.
 There was a section on my back that felt warmer than the rest, like a hand was resting there. Joy and sorrow washed over me and I cried until I couldn't breath. 
 I cried for Alex. I cried for my mom and dad. I cried for Christian. I cried for Donna and Bubba. I cried for Renee and the other children. I cried for Amelia. I cried for myself. 
 I was only sixteen and was already this far in life.  
 What was I doing with my life?
 I fell to the floor and cried in joy as I remembered times with Alex. Or times with Christian. I wanted them all back.  
 All back in my reach. 

 I stood with the other girls in lines at the church. We held music books and listened to Amelia. 
 " Okay, now you all will have a turn to sing by yourself. If you don't want to sing, too bad. Everyone is singing. Now flip to page twenty and review the song you will sing." she said and sat down at the piano. 
 I looked at the page. It was an easy song. The name was This Little Light of Mine. It was short and a quick sing. 
 A girl walked to the front and the piano sounded. After twelve girls I realized that not everyone had a good voice. Many cracked and faltered. 
 I was last. I walked up an looked at the music book. I felt nervous. " This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine..." I lost track of everything but I knew I was singing. When I finished I looked at Amelia and she smiled. 
 " That was beautiful." she whispered. 
 Alex was clapping in the audience. 

                     Fists of fury
                     Anger we bury
                     Blood it splatters 
                     Clothes in tatters
                     Beat of a heart
                     Sour and tart 
                     Stand tall
                     Never fall

 There was one girl who did not like me. Her name was Irene and she despised me. She said I was a prick and frufru suck up. 
 I thought she was a stupid whore and looked like a monkey. Many others believed this too. 
 When we walked past eachother, we would mug eachother and sometimes bump, pushing the other one into a person or wall. 
 We never fought. We only did small things to piss off the other. It was our quiet war. 

 I sat down at the table and picked up the sandwich. I looked at it deciding of I should eat the monster. I finally did. Hunger wasn't worth it. 
 The doors banged open and everyone looked at the girl that walked in. She was really thin but seemed strong. She had three tear drops and on her knuckles was "Sad Girl" She was the new member of our happy family. 
 I turned back to my food and ate. I didn't care where she was going. I saw Irene looking at me from another table. Hate, plain simple hate. 
 I always wondered why there was so much hate between us, but it was as it is. 
 Everything went silent for a moment an I saw Irene's expression change. From hate to fear. I frowned and thought for a moment on why she looked that way but then the answer came. 
 My face was slammed into