Voids Fill Up Differently, Students of IACT [great book club books txt] 📗

seats. Abby then looks in his eyes the same way everyone else looks at him, puzzled and frightened. She then took a glance with the same look in her eyes, as if I’m supposed to be looked at in that strange way.

 

Some girls from the class next to us walking through the corridor paused, took a few paces back and glanced through the door, they look disgusted and shook their heads “Eww, if it was me I would have called the cops!” one of them spoke, eyes filled with disgust. Few seconds later, I heard their endless loud and sharp mocking. Wait a second, they seems to be mocking me too. I lowered my head down to avoid eye contact with that group of girls.

 

I’ve always wished that I could acknowledge the actual reason why we were considered as the ‘weirdos’ in everyone’s eyes. Robert and I are not weird, we’re just slightly different from others. Others may perceive him as a freak. But I know that the only reason he approached Abby was to be her friend, nothing more.

 

Technically, there’s nothing really wrong with what Robert told Abby. It’s just that the majority of people would find it creepy because of the perception they already have of him. Perhaps I am the only one that could understand his actions, but the way he expressed himself is different from how others make friends. His ‘abnormal’ is different from the true definition of ‘abnormal’. He did not have any disabilities, neither physically, or mentally. Just that his behaviour is always so unique, so different, so...weird.

 

“He is the odd one out, do any of the groups care to adopt Robert?” Lecturer questioned us in a loud voice, that brought me back from my thoughts into reality.

 

Everyone was all looking at each other in dismay and at a loss for words. They were in fear of being the scapegoat. Just as the atmosphere solidified, we were all waiting for someone to break the silence, I asked under my breath:

 

“There isn’t any chance that he can be in our group, Joel?”

Joel grinned at me: “Hmm...I think we are good enough. But I don’t mind if you wanted to be in a group with him, just that I don’t want to get myself involved in any possible disasters and dramas.”

 

Those lines sounds familiar, but for this round, I am no longer the victim.

 

“Joanna, no worries okay?” Dylan’s gentle voice coming from behind. “He will figure his own way out eventually, don’t be too considerate for other people, take good care and focus on yourself more.”

 

I’d rather fall a thousand times for such a gentleman like Dylan. He’s built, muscular, with an almost perfectly symmetrical face. Charming and energetic as usual. He’s even more attractive when he starts telling his hilarious jokes to us, people are more likely to be around him as he will always be the brightest star among us.

 

The look in his eyes had made my thoughts more firm than before.

 

Before others started accepting me, he was the one who brings me comfort by the tenderness of his words. But he is also another reason why I tend to avoid Robert more now. Dylan would not be pleased to know if I were to get any closer to Robert. And this time, I would still like to help Robert, but the help I offer will no longer be genuine.

 

In fact, I ask this question out of guilt only because I don’t wish to be the actual reason for him being left out. Pathetically, Joel is definitely not the only one who tends to avoid Robert. All the other students tried their best to avoid eye contact with the lecturer out of the fear of having Robert in their group.

 

We were given more group assignments from our lecturers since then. Robert was constantly being avoided by our classmates as expected. Initially, I felt guilty for not helping him as we used to be close to each other. I never thought that he was supposed to be treated poorly by our classmates. As time goes by, the guilt I felt gradually faded to nothing. I began to classify him as the only problematic person just like how others did. I even tried to convince myself that he is indeed kind of a ‘weirdo’ that everyone accused him of being. If this is not the fact, then why does everyone tend to stay far away from Robert? I started to remain silent and ignored him in many ways. I felt as if my actions were reasonable. “ Take good care and focus on yourself more” these words spoken by Dylan is now a maxim I adhere by.

 

Thereafter he turned into a dispensable person, nearly invisible. Never a moment he was being appreciated, nor remembered. His existence did not matter to anyone else.

 

“Joanna, remember this weekend we have the last gathering before sem break ah! You’ll be coming right?”

 

“Hey, of course I will! By the way, thank you for the reminder Tashley.”

 

Will Robert be attending the party?

 

I dressed up meticulously before attending the party. I shrouded my body in a pink dress with baby-blue floral prints. Followed by eyeshadow, blush, lip gloss, making sure not to leave out a single detail. Gazing at myself in the mirror, the Joanna with her pair of nerdy round shaped glasses, and with plenty of pimples and scars on both sides of the cheeks were gone without a trace. I’ve become someone that Dylan and the world might adore. I love being able to look alluring enough to captivate the attention of others, this time with adoration instead of despise in their eyes. I smiled toward the girl in the mirror, took a look at my watch, picked up my handbag from the hanger and left home confidently.

 

I could hear a clear and melodious sound as soon as I pushed through the glass door of the restaurant, the smell of coffee comes hits me in an instant. Jazz music meets the evening atmosphere and the coffee-like old acquaintances. I looked around, Tashley is a few steps away waving at me. I nodded my head and stride towards our classmates with confidence.

 

Everyone attended the party punctually except him. I was hesitant about my seats here. I was in fear as I don’t know if I am still the one that everybody tends to stay far away from. Unexpectedly, Dylan looked towards me and patted the empty seat beside him, smiles flickered across my lips, I moved the chair gently and sat down.

 

Dylan began the conversation while staring into my eyes, “ You look different today.”

 

Our class had an amazing time at the party. We even immerse into a conversation until Robert arrived, but no one noticed him. Robert sat alone with his headphones on in a room full of people. All one of us were chatting and laughing in groups. No one entered his isolated world within those headphones. He didn't bother to greet us as soon as he had stepped foot in the venue. By the time, Joel had realized that he was sitting alone at the corner and soon our conversation revolves around him.

 

“Oh my God guys, did you even noticed that Robert is right at the corner all the while, alone?”

“Honestly I didn’t notice at all, haha, ‘Elsa Queen’ needs to get out of his igloo.”

“Aiya, you know right, the headphones are part of his body, have you ever heard from Joanna that even his mother thinks so, that’s why the headphones were from his mother.”

 

To get close to them, I told them one more secret.

 

"He is extremely afraid of others opinion about him, which is exactly the reason why he is always on his headphones. It’s true, he told me back in high school."

 

The subject switched from him to his family. He was once my best friend, but right now, I didn’t stop them from thinking that way. I choose to swim with the tide and refused to defend  Robert. I didn’t expect myself to even fuel the fire to make them hate him more.

 

All of a sudden, the whole room falls into a dead silence because of one loud noise. It is Robert’s broken headphones on the ground. His pupils become dilated as his hands quivered.

 

“One day, you will underestimate me again, and trust me, you will regret it,” said Robert.

 

The room remained silent for a few seconds. Right at that moment, I felt an inexplicable excitement because I thought that he finally took off his shield that he holds on to for umpteen years and he finally made up his mind to defend himself. Robert then picked up the broken pieces of his headphones that shattered on the ground and walked out of our sight. People chuckled like it was an uproarious comedy.

 

“Hahahaha! Walao! What on earth is this fella doing?”

“He gone mad already ah?.”

“Oh no...Our Elsa Queen is blowing our minds…”

 

All of us laughed at his spontaneous actions. None of us felt guilty, except me. Even if he looked pathetic enough, there’s still nobody that would lend him a hand, everyone, including me. The one who was once his closest friend was too afraid of being the talk of the night.

 

Even though Robert remains true to himself, he is still scorned and ignored by others. I will never want to be like Robert. It is such an embarrassment to be like him.

 

“See you in college Joanna!” As night fell, the blue haze of day lifted to reveal the stars. I waved back, put on my earphones, turned away and left the restaurant.

 

The gathering ended merrily without his presence. I walked home alone with exhaustion along the narrow and rugged path. The wind blew strongly upon my skin. The coldness roused me awake; I felt a kind of alertness that reminded me of the memory Robert and I shared in this bus stop. Music that is now playing in my earphones was the song that Robert introduced to me last December. The rain began to pour in crazy chaotic drops, the gushing wind carrying them in wild vortices one moment and in diagonal sheets the next. It runs down my face as a thin layer. Tears flooded my eyes; is it the raindrops or my tears that make my white canvas shoes wet? How did I become who I am now? I begin to be more self-centred, I am no longer revolted against injustice and always avoid getting involved in other people’s quarrels. What made me put my own reputation and advantages a priority? Wasn’t I to be blamed for putting myself before anything else in this cruel society? I am on my own, that’s the law of the jungle. Despite knowing the truth, why are my eyes still glimmered with watery tears, what am I doing with this sadness?

 

The semester break that every student has been waiting for had officially started. After Robert’s outburst, the relationship between me and Dylan got closer. I buried all of the memories of Robert from that night.

 

I laid down on the bed after a refreshing shower. I heard a notification sound coming from my phone at the corner of my desk. I picked the phone up hurriedly, my hair still wet, wrapped in a towel. Taking a closer look at my phone, I was disappointed for a while— it was just a promotion message from telecom. It’s been half an hour since he last replied to my message. Suddenly there was another notification sound: he finally replied to me!

 

“Hey, Jo! Sorry, I was busy doing my stuff just now, what are you doing?”

 

I was looking forward to his next question. Is he going to ask me out on a date to the latest on showing romance movie? I’ve heard plenty of positive reviews on that movie, I just told him about that movie yesterday in the midst of our conversation.

I was filled with joy. I could even feel my heartbeat, every single pound in my chest. It was beating