The Complete Works of William Shakespeare, William Shakespeare [book recommendations based on other books txt] 📗

mine host: Tonight at Heme’s oak, just ‘twixt twelve and one, Must my sweet Nan present the Fairy Queen-The purpose why is here-in which disguise, While other jests are something rank on foot, Her father hath commanded her to slip Away with Slender, and with him at Eton Immediately to marry; she hath consented.

Now, sir,

Her mother, even strong against that match And firm for Doctor Caius, hath appointed That he shall likewise shuffle her away While other sports are tasking of their minds, And at the dean’ry, where a priest attends, Straight marry her. To this her mother’s plot She seemingly obedient likewise hath

Made promise to the doctor. Now thus it rests: Her father means she shall be all in white; And in that habit, when Slender sees his time To take her by the hand and bid her go, She shall go with him; her mother hath intended The better to denote her to the doctor-For they must all be mask’d and vizarded-That quaint in green she shall be loose enrob’d, With ribands pendent, flaring ‘bout her head; And when the doctor spies his vantage ripe, To pinch her by the hand, and, on that token, The maid hath given consent to go with him.

HOST. Which means she to deceive, father or mother?

FENTON. Both, my good host, to go along with me.

And here it rests-that you’ll procure the vicar To stay for me at church, ‘twixt twelve and one, And in the lawful name of marrying,

To give our hearts united ceremony.

HOST. Well, husband your device; I’ll to the vicar.

Bring you the maid, you shall not lack a priest.

FENTON. So shall I evermore be bound to thee; Besides, I’ll make a present recompense. Exeunt

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ACT V. SCENE 1.

 

The Garter Inn

 

Enter FALSTAFF and MISTRESS QUICKLY

 

FALSTAFF. Prithee, no more prattling; go. I’ll, hold. This is the third time; I hope good luck lies in odd numbers.

Away, go; they say there is divinity in odd numbers, either in nativity, chance, or death. Away.

QUICKLY. I’ll provide you a chain, and I’ll do what I can to get you a pair of horns.

FALSTAFF. Away, I say; time wears; hold up your head, and mince. Exit MRS. QUICKLY

 

Enter FORD disguised

 

How now, Master Brook. Master Brook, the matter will be known tonight or never. Be you in the Park about midnight, at Herne’s oak, and you shall see wonders.

FORD. Went you not to her yesterday, sir, as you told me you had appointed?

FALSTAFF. I went to her, Master Brook, as you see, like a poor old man; but I came from her, Master Brook, like a poor old woman. That same knave Ford, her husband, hath the finest mad devil of jealousy in him, Master Brook, that ever govern’d frenzy. I will tell you-he beat me grievously in the shape of a woman; for in the shape of man, Master Brook, I fear not Goliath with a weaver’s beam; because I know also life is a shuttle. I am in haste; go along with me; I’ll. tell you all, Master Brook. Since I pluck’d geese, play’d truant, and whipp’d top, I knew not what ‘twas to be beaten till lately. Follow me. I’ll tell you strange things of this knave-Ford, on whom tonight I will be revenged, and I will deliver his wife into your hand. Follow. Strange things in hand, Master Brook! Follow. Exeunt

SCENE 2.

 

Windsor Park

 

Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER

 

PAGE. Come, come; we’ll couch i’ th’ Castle ditch till we see the light of our fairies. Remember, son Slender, my daughter.

SLENDER. Ay, forsooth; I have spoke with her, and we have a nayword how to know one another. I come to her in white and cry ‘mum’; she cries ‘budget,’ and by that we know one another.

SHALLOW. That’s good too; but what needs either your mum or her budget? The white will decipher her well enough.

It hath struck ten o’clock.

PAGE. The night is dark; light and spirits will become it well.

Heaven prosper our sport! No man means evil but the devil, and we shall know him by his horns. Let’s away; follow me. Exeunt

SCENE 3.

 

A street leading to the Park

 

Enter MISTRESS PAGE, MISTRESS FORD, and DOCTOR CAIUS

 

MRS. PAGE. Master Doctor, my daughter is in green; when you see your time, take her by the hand, away with her to the deanery, and dispatch it quickly. Go before into the Park; we two must go together.

CAIUS. I know vat I have to do; adieu.

MRS. PAGE. Fare you well, sir. [Exit CAIUS] My husband will not rejoice so much at the abuse of Falstaff as he will chafe at the doctor’s marrying my daughter; but ‘tis no matter; better a little chiding than a great deal of heartbreak.

MRS. FORD. Where is Nan now, and her troop of fairies, and the Welsh devil, Hugh?

MRS. PAGE. They are all couch’d in a pit hard by Heme’s oak, with obscur’d lights; which, at the very instant of Falstaff’s and our meeting, they will at once display to the night.

MRS. FORD. That cannot choose but amaze him.

MRS. PAGE. If he be not amaz’d, he will be mock’d; if he be amaz’d, he will every way be mock’d.

MRS. FORD. We’ll betray him finely.

MRS. PAGE. Against such lewdsters and their lechery, Those that betray them do no treachery.

MRS. FORD. The hour draws on. To the oak, to the oak!

Exeunt

SCENE 4.

 

Windsor Park

 

Enter SIR HUGH EVANS like a satyr, with OTHERS as fairies EVANS. Trib, trib, fairies; come; and remember your parts.

Be pold, I pray you; follow me into the pit; and when I give the watch-ords, do as I pid you. Come, come; trib, trib. Exeunt

SCENE 5.

 

Another part of the Park

 

Enter FALSTAFF disguised as HERNE

 

FALSTAFF. The Windsor bell hath struck twelve; the minute draws on. Now the hot-blooded gods assist me!

Remember, Jove, thou wast a bull for thy Europa; love set on thy horns. O powerful love! that in some respects makes a beast a man; in some other a man a beast. You were also, Jupiter, a swan, for the love of Leda. O omnipotent love!

how near the god drew to the complexion of a goose! A fault done first in the form of a beast-O Jove, a beastly fault!-and then another fault in the semblance of a fowl-think on’t, Jove, a foul fault! When gods have hot backs what shall poor men do? For me, I am here a Windsor stag; and the fattest, I think, i’ th’ forest. Send me a cool rut-time, Jove, or who can blame me to piss my tallow?

Who comes here? my doe?

 

Enter MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE

 

MRS. FORD. Sir John! Art thou there, my deer, my male deer.

FALSTAFF. My doe with the black scut! Let the sky rain potatoes; let it thunder to the tune of Greensleeves, hail kissing-comfits, and snow eringoes; let there come a tempest of provocation, I will shelter me here. [Embracing her]

MRS. FORD. Mistress Page is come with me, sweetheart.

FALSTAFF. Divide me like a brib’d buck, each a haunch; I will keep my sides to myself, my shoulders for the fellow of this walk, and my horns I bequeath your husbands. Am I a woodman, ha? Speak I like Heme the Hunter? Why, now is Cupid a child of conscience; he makes restitution.

As I am a true spirit, welcome! [A noise of horns]

MRS. PAGE. Alas, what noise?

MRS. FORD. Heaven forgive our sins!

FALSTAFF. What should this be?

MRS. FORD. } Away, away.

MRS. PAGE. } Away, away. [They run off]

FALSTAFF. I think the devil will not have me damn’d, lest the oil that’s in me should set hell on fire; he would never else cross me thus.

 

Enter SIR HUGH EVANS like a satyr, ANNE PAGE as a fairy, and OTHERS as the Fairy Queen, fairies, and Hobgoblin; all with tapers FAIRY QUEEN. Fairies, black, grey, green, and white, You moonshine revellers, and shades of night, You orphan heirs of fixed destiny,

Attend your office and your quality.

Crier Hobgoblin, make the fairy oyes.

PUCK. Elves, list your names; silence, you airy toys.

Cricket, to Windsor chimneys shalt thou leap; Where fires thou find’st unrak’d, and hearths unswept, There pinch the maids as blue as bilberry; Our radiant Queen hates sluts and sluttery.

FALSTAFF. They are fairies; he that speaks to them shall die.

I’ll wink and couch; no man their works must eye.

[Lies down upon his face]

EVANS. Where’s Pede? Go you, and where you find a maid That, ere she sleep, has thrice her prayers said, Raise up the organs of her fantasy

Sleep she as sound as careless infancy; But those as sleep and think not on their sins, Pinch them, arms, legs, backs, shoulders, sides, and shins.

FAIRY QUEEN. About, about;

Search Windsor castle, elves, within and out; Strew good luck, ouphes, on every sacred room, That it may stand till the perpetual doom In state as wholesome as in state ‘tis fit, Worthy the owner and the owner it.

The several chairs of order look you scour With juice of balm and every precious flower; Each fair instalment, coat, and sev’ral crest, With loyal blazon, evermore be blest!

And nightly, meadow-fairies, look you sing, Like to the Garter’s compass, in a ring; Th’ expressure that it bears, green let it be, More fertile-fresh than all the field to see; And ‘Honi soit qui mal y pense’ write In em’rald tufts, flow’rs purple, blue and white; Like sapphire, pearl, and rich embroidery, Buckled below fair knighthood’s bending knee.

Fairies use flow’rs for their charactery.

Away, disperse; but till ‘tis one o’clock, Our dance of custom round about the oak Of Herne the Hunter let us not forget.

EVANS. Pray you, lock hand in hand; yourselves in order set; And twenty glowworms shall our lanterns be, To guide our measure round about the tree.

But, stay. I smell a man of middle earth.

FALSTAFF. Heavens defend me from that Welsh fairy, lest he transform me to a piece of cheese!

PUCK. Vile worm, thou wast o’erlook’d even in thy birth.

FAIRY QUEEN. With trial-fire touch me his finger-end; If he be chaste, the flame will back descend, And turn him to no pain; but if he start, It is the flesh of a corrupted heart.

PUCK. A trial, come.

EVANS. Come, will this wood take fire?

[They put the tapers to his fingers, and he starts]

FALSTAFF. Oh, oh, oh!

FAIRY QUEEN. Corrupt, corrupt, and tainted in desire!

About him, fairies; sing a scornful rhyme; And, as you trip, still pinch him to your time.

THE SONG.

Fie on sinful fantasy!

Fie on lust and luxury!

Lust is but a bloody fire,

Kindled with unchaste desire,

Fed in heart, whose flames aspire,

As thoughts do blow them, higher and higher.

Pinch him, fairies, mutually;

Pinch him for his villainy;

Pinch him and burn him and turn him about, Till candles and starlight and moonshine be out.

 

During this song they pinch FALSTAFF. DOCTOR

CAIUS comes one way, and steals away a fairy in green; SLENDER another way, and takes off a fairy in white;