is setting herself up for failure. Then when she realizes it guess who's shoulder she is going to come crying on?" I said angrily. "isnt that what friends are for?" he ask. "NO! thats not what im for! you dont cry on your friends shoulder because you broke a fucking nail ty. You cry over heart break and death and money problems not every little thing you get yourself into! Everyone thinks im fucking perfect and im not dude. i have fucking problems too! i have things going on with me too! but no one ever hears me! everyone expects me to listen and not speak and im just fucking tired of it!" i iyelled. He sighed. "what the hell alana!" he said stepping back. I shrugged with my hands not understanding what he was saying. "What?" i ask. "i dont even know this person im looking at right now. You are being so self centered and just nasty honestly." he said sadly. "omg ty! Seriously! stop being my fucking boyfriend for a second and be my damn friend! Just one second tyler! look at it from my point of view." i yelled. He put his hands on his head and stood there for a few minutes. I stood up about to walk out of the room when he grabbed my hand. "stop." he said quietly. I snatched my hand away. "alana i know your not perfect and so does everyone else. I guess we all just look up to you because you have shit on wraps you know. Im sorry if i havent listened to you lately. I love you." he said sweetly. I shook my head and walked out the back door to the balcony. I looked out on the sun setting wishing keely was here to tell me pull myself together and suck it up. She had always been my backbone. When i felt myself slipping she'd tell me Suck that shit up yo. mimicking how i talked when i first come to georgia. I smiled thinking of all the times she had dished me tough love and it made me a stronger person. But then i realized i was starting to loose that sense of strongness. I was starting to loose what i loved about myself and that was compassion for others. I didnt want to be the nice person any more. i wanted people to see that i have flaws and many of them. Ty walked out and stood beside me. "okay now tell me whats on your mind." he said looking down at the ocean. I turned around leaning on the rails. "im not perfect. im not sweet im not innocent im just a normal person ty. and most importantly i have feelings and im tired of bottling them up for the sake of this and that you know." He looked at me confused. "say that again." he said. I sighed and shook my head. "are not listening?" i yelled. "stop yelling. i am not yelling at you. and yes im listening you just said it funny. you didnt sound like yourself." I rolled my eyes in disgust. he was worried about how i sounded and not about how i felt. "nevermind." i said. He stepped within my line of sight. "its not nevermind. I want to know alana. I care." he said. "do you really or do you just want me to be happy go lucky as usual?" i ask. "both." he answered. I sighed not knowing how to feel about his answer. "ty i am angry okay. im fucking pissed! i miss keely i miss the old me i miss not being the perfect one!" i sighed. "alana i know your not perfect. i knew that from day one. Im pretty sure jas knows that too. i just dont understand why your so upset about people thinking your perfect. thats usually what girls live for." he said. "well not me. I just want to be me and be at peace with everything around me and honestly im fucking far from peace okay. Everyone just see's me as this sweet innocent person just because of how i look when on the inside i feel like the fucking devil." i hissed. He laughed. I looked at him angrily. "you are the fucking devil alana. I know that but not everyone else needs to know that. You know the devil was a angel first." he said smiling. "ty for real." i said titlting my head. "for real alana. Your not sweet your not innocent your actually a bitch most of the time. But see i love that because i know its going to take a lot to break you. When me im the opposite. It doesnt take much to break me. You love strong and hate even stronger aposed to me i just choose to do neither. i mean i love you but aside to that everyone else could fall off the earth and i probably wouldnt blink twice." I sighed. "thats not true at all ty and you know it." i said angrily. "i know but now do you see what im saying. Stop worrying about what people think about you and love yourself. I love you jas loves you and plenty of other people love you." he said. I rolled my eyes. "i really dont care. like i dont want everyone to love me. why cant someone hate me. thats what im saying what makes me so loveable aside to the fact that im always there to pick up the broken pieces?" He sighed. "its definately not your stubborness but i dont know lana maybe it the fact that your nice to people. maybe it that you are funny. maybe its that you beautiful i dont really know. but i do know that you are falling off your fucking rocker." he said. I burst into laughter because he didnt understand what i was saying. For once i just wanted him to agree with me but it was clear he couldnt. "are you fucking bipolar?" he ask with a straight face. I continued to laugh. "yea you have to be. People may judge you from the outside but on the inside your fucking crazy." he said swooping me into a hug. "stop being so emotional. If you really miss keely call her. Im not sure why cause she's a bitch but hey what makes you happy makes me ecstastic." I smiled hugging him tight. "i hate you tyler." i joked. "i know. its my face isnt it?" he joked. I looked up at him. "no its your ugly eyes and politeness." i said with sarcasm. He smiled. "i love you too. my crazy little demon." I burst into laughter thinking about the fit i had just thrown. "im hungry lets go eat." i said letting him go. We went back into the room grabbing our shoes and the car keys. We ate at the hooters on the stip. It was so crouded we could hardly get to our table. I checked my phone after we ate for notifications on facebook. I had almost fifty of just tagged pictures from graduation. I had five text.
Dad
hope your having fun in panama.
your mom told me yall left early
this morning. love you kido
Jas
so i really dont know whats going on with you
but im worried about you
like...idk your just being different
I sighed. "ty i just want to clarify something with you." i said quietly as we drove. "okay go ahead." he said. "well like deep down im not upset because of what people think of me. Its honestly the fact that im just tired of picking up my friends broken pieces you know. like, i just want someone to fix my broken pieces. I know you always help me but i have two supposed to be loyal friends who only talk to me when they want to go out or when they have problems. Like if i call them with my problems they shoot me some bullshit advice and then they are gone. Jas and i use to be so close but i guess over time we jus became too different. She likes to go get completely drunk then fuck every guy she comes in contact with when i just want to sit at home and chill with you." i said looking out the window. "well alana honestly if thats how you feel then why be friends with them?" he ask. I sighed. "i dont know. honestly i just dont feel like going out and making new friends and on top of that i dont really want new friends. I want my old ones back." i said sadly. "as in old ones you mean keely?" he ask. "maybe. i dont know. i just i miss our friendship but i cant trust her you know?" i mumbled. "well all i can say to that lana is try. the worse that could happen is you realize she's no good for your life and situation but i will say this dont forget who held you down when she screwed you over. Jas is going through a lot right now. I talk to ben earlier and he said she called him crying. he didnt say why but he said that he wants to come stay in georgia for a while with me so he can spend some time with her. I mean lana you cant just assume you fix everything. did you ever think that maybe yall arent close anymore because neither of you are tyring to be?" He said pulling into the parking lot of the hotel. I sighed. I hadnt thought of it that way. I remembered her mentioning me not calling or texting her anymore but i didnt think much about it because we all had jobs and school. "well i mean to be honest ty who has time for that? we arent kids anymore." I said. He started to shake his head "well if you still want friends i suggest you make time. everyone is different some may wait while others wont." he said parking the car. I sighed at the thought of not having any friends. Would it be a burden or a blessing? i thought to myself. We went back into the room and he called jas and mike. I sat on the bed looking at my phone. I was feeling so conflicted about everything. I truly didnt know how i wanted to feel. I honestly just wanted to not have to worry about everyone else and worry about me only for once. Thats when i decided i would do just that. I wanted to go have fun so why wait for jas i could have fun alone. I stood up going over to my bag. I picked out a pair of blue jean shorts and a crop top and headed to the shower. Ty stopped me putting his phone down. "no pj's?" he ask. "no i really refuse to sit in this room. i'd rather go down on the beach or something i know there is somewhere jumpin." ty started to laugh. "lana you cant get in anywhere. you still seventeen. What are we going to do?" he ask. I never thought of it like that. "well i dont know but we are going to do something. im getting a shower!" i said laughing. I took a shower and got dressed. When i got out ty was wearing swimming trunks. "what's the plan?" i ask. "we're going swimming. You dont want to sit here well lets swim. just me and you." he said smiling. I looked at him with curiosity. "okay i guess. ill change really quick then ill be ready." i said going over to my bags to get out a baithing suit. we swam for hours just clowing around and laughing. finally we went back to the room and fell asleep. The next few days were a
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