The girl with nine toes, Ray Wilkins [black female authors .TXT] 📗

and you
wern't there ! 0h Yes !, in body maybe but not in heart
and spirit. Sometimes I felt resentment, even hate
,towards you but there was also a little light in my head
that said I love you and this light never went out. Anyway
what I wanted to say to you is something that I learned in
a dream last night.„ John swallowed back the tears as well
as the impulse to interrupt her. “I forgive you for hurting
me John. This does not mean that now all is forgotten
and that I understand why you closed up your love to me.
I still do not know why, but it is not important anymore
.All I want to do is to let go of the anger and the hardness
that has been hanging around my heart for so long , so
that you and I can once again show each other that we
are in love.„
72
“Darling, I dont know what to say, I feel so sad
that we let it all get so hard and difficult - if only you
hadn't taken on the partnership maybe things would have
been different.„ Mary shouted “Thats exactly what I
mean , you don't look at your part in this system. It's
always me whose reponsible and you are an innocent little
bastard, Jesus, I'm so pissed off with you!„ She lay back
on her pillow fighting for breath, her lips were turning
blue and there were tears in her eyes, the alarm on one of
the monitors was flashing red, John grabbed for the
nurses bell and pressed down on the button he shouted
for help and just couldn't stop crying.


73


Fight to win
Fight for peace
Fight so that you….
Will never have to fight
again


74

Chapter 16


“And I haven't stopped crying inside since, I
just haven't taken enough time to listen to what the tears
have been trying to tell me. I blamed myself for your
Mum dying like that, screaming at me, using her very last
breath trying to teach me something about myself.„
All three were silent caught up in there own
thoughts, there were no answers in the air, no excuses or
explanations it was just how it was and nobody could
change it. The rest of the day was mainly filled with
talking about the past, clearing up the misunderstandings
that everybody had. It was a very special day for the
whole family, learning for the first time to be honest and
open with each other, holding back nothing, except
blame, giving everything they had to walk closer to each
other. Each knew that this was just the beginning and
somehow all three had the same feeling - that Mary was
with them and that the sun shined down on their little
world the whole day.

He lay in bed awake, thinking about the day together with
his children, he smiled at that moment when Joan came
sailing down to the water where they were sitting.
Looking around at all three of us she said, “Well all I can
say is, it's about bloody time and maybe we can now start
to get on with really living instead of being stuck in the
75
past and just talking about living. I just finished baking a
plate full of Lamingtons with whipped cream anybody
interested?„ We all laughed maybe a little bit too loud - it
was almost as if the air around us wasn't yet quite used to
hearing really happy voices. Then we walked together
back to the house we called home.


76


Live with passion


77

Charter 17


John closed his eyes.
He was standing alone in the middle of the scrub,
no shoes on his feet, naked except for a cloth tied around
his middle. It was hot and still. He had a spear in one
hand and a round flat stone in the other. He was standing
perfectly still, waiting. He could see the lizard walking
lazily up the track towards him , its head swaying from
side to side , its blue tinged forked tongue flashing in and
out tasting the air. He slowly raised the arm clutching the
stone, holding his breath as if at this moment the world
would stop turning. He aimed without any doubt of
missing and launched the stone, it hit the lizard in the
head and at the same instant John threw the spear it
pierced the thick skin of the reptile’s neck and in an
instant it fell dead to the dusty ground. John walked up to
the dead creature, kneeling down he put two fingers into
the blood streaming from the neck of his prey and
painted two stripes onto his forehead, then he muttered a
small prayer of thanks to the soul of the lizard. He looked
up and saw standing in front of him the Feathered man.
“Turawwa welcome back to the country!
“John shook his head as if to clear away cobwebs, and
looking at the lizard said. “What did I just do, I have
never killed a living thing in my life, I consider myself a
78
pacifist and yet I just killed a poor helpless lizard without
blinking an eye.„
The feathered man lifted the Goanna from the
ground by the tail it must have been about three feet long
he looked at it and then at John “This is your next lesson
Turawwa to learn that souls that die keep the warrior
alive so that he can go on fighting for freedom and justice
for the people he loves. A warrior knows no borders .
You have already learned to trust your innerself, to
believe in your own power , and to have the courage to
express your feelings, but a warrior goes even further.
Being connected to your past brings you the knowledge
and dreams to create your life, just as now you were able
to hunt and kill the Goanna spirit even though you have
never thrown a spear. A warrior lives in eternal peace, he
knows no war, no battles, no hate, no descrimination, no
anger, Yet he posesses the ultimate weapon - the power
of passion!
When passion is ignited it never stops burning , but
it not only burns it also brings in light to where it is dark
,and gives warmth where there is cold. You have turned
off your passion in the past because you were afraid of
hurting someone, this is your experience but it is not the
reality. In fact it is the direct opposite, when passion is
not shown you are not able to give of yourself and
,through not giving, you are creating emptiness and pain
within your loved ones. A warrior does not know the
meaning of surrender, at that moment when he
recognises his vision , all his life force, feelings, thoughts
and emotions are directed to achieving his goal and no
power on earth can deter him.
But probably the most strongest weapon that a
warrior posesses is the power to love, you have learnt a
lot about love and you will, later in your quest, learn
79
more about what love really is but now it is important
only to know that the love of life is the force that feeds
you, the light that guides you and the army that fights
besides you.„
John heard a noise that sounded like thunder and in
an instant the Feathered man and the Goanna
disappeared. Once again John stood alone in a strange
country.
“Hey Turawwa are you ready to learn how to throw
the spear or do you want to lie down in the sun and work
on getting brown!„ John turned around and there
standing beside a giant anthill was Wootarra carrying two
spears and a Woomera under his arm. John stared at the
boy not quiet believing his ears.
“Wootara good to see you again my boy!„
“Im not your boy, I’m your teacher! so just shut up
your mouth and listen to your next lesson. A spear can
only kill if it is thrown right, not only must your aim be
true but also your timing. Your eye is the direct line from
you to your target - your spear is the extension of your
hand and the Woomera is the extension of your arm -
you must use your breath and count your heart beats, so
watch closely.„
Wootara took the piece of wood from under his
arm. John could now see that it was shaped like a long
oval with a small notch at one end and undeneath a place
where you could hold the Woomera in your hand. He
fitted one spear into the notch and let it lie straight on the
surface, he then took hold of the grip, and drew back his
arm aiming at the tea tree standing about twenty meters
away. Wootara took a deep breath, then with a loud
exhale launched the spear, it left the Woomera true and
straight and struck the trunk of the tree quivering in the
hot air. “Throwing a spear is the same as making a point
80
when you are speaking to your tribe. Your first step is to
know your exact target and what you want to be
understood , and then to hold this in your mind, in your
heart and in your eyes. The next step is to be perfectly
focused and still, take a deep breath , count your heart
beats, and breathe deep after you have counted ten heart
beats. Let your word spear fly and breathe your life-force
out in the same direction as your spear, follow through
with your body until you once again come to rest on both
feet with your weight placed slightly more on your right
foot.A warrior expresses himself through the language of
his body, what he is feeling, and this must be in balance
with