The girl with nine toes, Ray Wilkins [black female authors .TXT] 📗

“I could see her eyes starting to get misty , but then
she jutted out her chin, squared her little shoulders and
started buttering a piece of toast.
After breakfast we walked together down to the
lake and sat down on the cool grass. Looking out at the
water I could see bubbles rising to the surface, I
wandered if it was a fish or a yabbie lurking below the
surface. Caroline said. “Dad tell us again about what
happened between you and Mum, nobody really told us
the real truth, you didn't talk much anway, mum was
always jumping between hating your guts or sticking up
for you and Joan just kept saying everything will be
alright- - - but what really happened?“
“I felt myself withdrawing into that space where I
felt like closing all the doors against the past but also
against the future , when all of a sudden I heard that
strange soft sing-song voice belonging to the girl with
nine toes “follow your heart and trust.„
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“Well girls what I'm going to tell you now might be
upsetting for you , but I believe that it is well past the
time for you both to know how things happened, then
maybe you can learn something that you can use in your
own realationships so that you don't make the same
mistakes.„
I could see how they looked at each other, each
involved in her own thoughts, I had a feeling that they
were afraid and uplifted at the same time. I went on
talking. “I was busy putting together a new cabinet and
was also often travelling at that time to New York for the
UN meetings concerning Iran. If you remember, it was
about 4 years ago, I was hardly ever at home. Anyway
your mother and I started arguing a lot, well not really
arguing - more like she was angry and frustrated and told
me in no uncertain terms what she felt, and I suffered in
silence. I guess that's what most men do when
confronted with a relationship crisis.„ He closed his eyes
and going back into the misty past he started to put the
story together as he experienced it, trying to put himself
into Mary’s mind as well as his own. The images returned,
images that he had blacked out over the last two years,
images that still pained him, and hurt him even more
because he hadn't up till now had the courage to look at
them.


60


Be the mountain
Be the ocean
Be the tree
Be happy
Be the light
Be the shadow
Be the rain
Be you
Be


61

Chapter 15


“John, I know what sort of pressure you are
under you don't have to tell me ; and by the way I'm no
stranger to stress and pressure either, I'm just asking you
to take a look at what's happening to our relationship.
You and me and the family. When was the last time you
did something together with the girls? When was the last
time that we went out together? Now don't start arguing
about security sanctions and all that shit that didn't
bother you in the past, sneaking out with me to some
dark Italian restaurant incognito or driving up to Lake
Eucumbene to do some clandestine fishing at our
loghouse. When was the last time we slept with each
other?„
I felt terrible even though I know she was right, how
can I change how I feel? It's like theres's a wall between
her and me, I can hear her voice, I can see her talking, I
can even smell that scent that normally drives me crazy
but I can't tell her what's going on inside of me, damned if
I even know what's going on inside of me!
“Mary listen, I know what your feeling, I really do!“
“Oh! so now your'e not only the Prime Minister of
Australia - your'e also a mind reader!„
“No I'm only trying to tell you how I feel about the
situation,„
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“Then talk about your own emotions not mine!„ she
shouted. I could see the look in her eyes and the way her
lips became hard and narrow. I knew that this was
escalating and getting worse .I looked at my watch and
saw that I was late for the next appointment and that, of
course, tipped the scales.
“Okay, okay! I can take a hint John, you don't have
any time for me! Well, maybe I just don't have enough
time for you either - have a great day!“ As she turned
towards the door I felt her hair brushing my face. She
slammed the door to my office and I heard her high heels
receding down the corridor. I closed my eyes and tried to
pull myself together to be ready for the next
Parliamentary meeting.

Mary walked out to her car , and after unlocking the
door she sat in the driver's seat and took some slow, deep
breaths trying to relax with the exhale, an exercise she
learnt many years ago when she used to teach Aikido. But
it didn't seem to be working she thought. probably works for
everbody else just not for me. Why doesn't he understand whats
going on? I love him so and I'm sure that he loves me too but he's so
stuck in his work cycle and doesnt do anything to climb out.Yeah
okay he was always a little bit heavy, on one side such a fantastic
Politician, successfull, loved by the people, a real mover and on the
other side stuck in his feelings or should I say non-feelings. I often
see him being manipulated by some of his advisors and Cabinet
Members, and instead of trusting his own intuition and believing in
himself, he allows himself to be manipulated. I know that he's also
suffering because of this distance between us but I'm not his
therapist and I need all my energy to run our home, get the kids to
school and at the same time get my work done at the office. But its
no use complaining I've got work to do!
63
She drove onto the main road, driving in the
direction of the Law Offices of Grant and Garvey where
she worked as an associate partner in Corporate Law.
As she walked into her office Sharon her personal
secretary called out to her „Mary! Mr Garvey wants to see
you in his office right away.„ Mary turned right and
knocked on the heavy oak door of her bosses office.
“Mary how's it going? Everything hunky dory?„ She
moaned, she loved her boss, but there was one thing she
couldn't stand about him, and that was his use of slang.
“Fine, thanks Tom and how are you?„
“Everything up to scratch Mary. I guess you are
wondering why I wanted to speak with you. It's like this,
we have a proposition to make to you. As you know old
Patrick is going into retirement next month and you
know that we are on the lookout for a new partner,.
Anyway ,to cut a long story short ; we want to offer you a
full partnership in the firm with all fringe benifits of
course. You don't have to sign away your life straight
away - think about it, talk to John about it, and tell me
tomorrow morning what your decision is. And now get
back to your office and earn us some dollars!„
I walked into my office and fell into my chair feeling
speechless and elated.
John said“ Mary that's fantastic! I hope your'e going
to say yes.„
“To be honest John I don't really know if I have
enough energy and time. Especially with the girls, they
really need the quality time that I give them now and
being a partner means more working hours. Some of it I
can do at home in my home - office , but there are always
so many conferences and meetings that I’ll have to be
present at.„
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“Maybe we can talk to Consuela, she really likes
looking after the girls, she thinks of them as her own half
daughters - and you know, she and Brian aren't able to
have any children of their own. She might really like to do
some mothering on the side!„
“John! always the politician,0kay I'll ring Consuela
and if she's willing to spend more time with Sarah and
Caroline and if Sarah and Caroline agree, I'll do it“
John’s voice sounded softer as he continued telling
his two daughter’s the story about how their Mother
became so successfull in her work. And the price that he
and she paid was the price of distance and acceptance of
the situation , even if that meant that their time and love
for each other was getting less and less.
“Our arguments became even more frequent and
louder ,and inside I knew that we were sliding towards
disaster. I also knew deep within my heart what it would
take to change the situation. If we could have just put
aside the blame bit and the fear that we both felt, and
looked through new