The Abyss of Radical Stupidity, R.K. Galvez [phonics story books .txt] 📗

from those within the other worlds…

 

…What was this queer masterplan? It was not specified but this introduction releases the fragments of Jezu Evadef and the August-Ham Man...

 

...Elaine Pettifer was not bothered by this experimentation [...dirty little floosie, she loved a good old probing didn't she?...]...She had been well-trained by the C.O.G.; they passed themselves off as a government function, but they were operating outside of it. Elaine was a part-time Witch too, an eager disciple of the occult...The deception was intricately precise. They all had higher interests, as you might have guessed. One of them was to get Fenton to report back from Trigyalon, or Trooluz at the least. He was done with Earth these days. Elaine had been sent in to sort him out. She didn’t like to talk to him. Small talk cannot count as meaningful dialogue which should be recorded. So Elaine stared at Jezu Evadef and August Ham Man...

 

...Elaine had not told he was the pzionik spy. But she made out that she was a scientist. She knew that these misfits knew very little as well. They didn’t even know about the millisecond pulsar discovered in ‘82...Or about what was going on Ultima Thule, or the FRBs from a billion or so lightyears away...Once [censored] had gone down to the laboratory, she knew he would be convinced that she was a psychic, and that she knew he was a closet fantasy junkie...She was watching him on the mini-cams. It’s lucky he didn’t know about the toy-cams...Why stick root vegetables there, she thought...She was quietly innocent...

 

...Elaine had made sure her colleagues - Agent Goodnow and Agent Goodmann, who were inside the hidden laboratory - were informed that Z.F. Galvez was on his way. They all knew about super-space/super-time principles. They had written papers on Timelessness versus Time. They were the real experts, but Elaine had no real idea. She suddenly hated all known experts...

 

...Elaine laughed as she didn’t have a clue about it all. She had enough bluster, she was able to blag anything. Everything she ha thought of was cobbled together on the back of a pack of Camels...She just let them know...She didn’t know they were infatuated with her…She thought they had dreamed of a witch and sometimes a woman called Zoe Zip…But she knew he would travel time and think that he might dream about being a "Time Traveller"....That was the original concept anyway...Trigyalon was an unpopular detergent used in the 1950s…This was the first part to the theory to fit the conspiracy...And the psycho-chemical science behind controlling all humans...

 

...Elaine filled out her report - she was in no rush. She was always trying to get onto a more exciting mission. And Goodmann and Goodnow had started to freak her out. Regardless, Elaine was a careerist and determined to get around. She wanted to join those legendary Agents, Parsons and Hubbard, on the Babalon Working...Hubbard was such a skilled brainwasher he had accidentally developed his own religion [sect]. He thought it harmless fun, but many lavished it with money and considered it seriously as a life-style choice...When Elaine was teenager she had pictures on her wall of Papus, Hubbard, and Jerry Cornelius...That was far more progressive and she felt she was up to the challenge. She contacted the Babalon Project...

 

...Elaine then checked on Jezu Evadef and August-Ham Man. They were in a containment field; both were soundly asleep. She looked at the mission file. She started feeling sick, as she started to read the mission file...

 

 

Thank God for the Orgone Accumulator!

...Trogger smiled...Another world destroyed. It was a dull world, anyway...

 

...The rocky surface smouldered in radioactive dust. It had been cut with cocaine. Those clouds kept raining natural cocaine[ don't worry, it was only about 9mg in strength; enough for your average home-made cola...It just took the edge off only a little really...]...It was a real snowfall of happy dust...That was the best thing about climatic vagaries...

 

...Thankfully, for Trogger, he was more of a lysergic kind of guy...Trogger decided to drink some of his lizard venom juice...It was milky in colour, with a salty aftertaste, and slipped down his throat with ease; that as the way he liked it after all: warm and salty...He had been saving it once this world was saved. By saved, Trogger actually meant destroyed...

 

...This world had it coming...Trogger decided to sit and relax in the peaceful quiet of the radioactive atmosphere. Trogger was wondering when to pull the core out; he needed a lot of heat for another time fissure to appear. It’s all energy at the end of the day...

 

A small door appeared. Professor Norkgrub the academic zoophyte entered the fray.

 

“Jesus, Trogger, you really wreck the universe for kicks!” Professor Norkgrub lamented, somewhat loudly.

 

Trogger grunted. He managed to understand this strange creature. He knew lots of strange creatures but this little zoophyte was a guide to Trogger’s wild ways. Norky took out a vidi-mind-file.

 

“Yep, just as I thought – another dull rim planet," said the academic zoophyte.

 

Trogger grunted in reply; Professor Norkgrub chuckled as he activated the trans-dimensional mind-file 

 

"They all get dull laws, all world's are exactly the same" lamented Norkgrub. "There’s no good shit going on here, Trogger. I don’t blame you for putting this planet out of it’s misery. Bloody humans can’t manage shit - can they?!”

 

[*ACTIVATED MENTAL SEQUENCE* RECOVERED 1979 INTERVIEW WITH DAVID 'KID' JENSEN RESTORED...] 

 

...Doctor Horatio Veckle phoned me back home...He got really excited about something, blabbered all kinds of long scientific words. I've forgotten most of Veckle's call...

...According to the odd Doc, he had just met a real vampire. This vamp was a complete fuck up freak, and Veckle said he had been some government secret weapon back in the day. All I know is that this just might be my break. I have been looking at this and selling advert space in The Nutcough Hills Herald isn't my idea of ambition. I have definitely had too many setbacks....

...So I arranged to meet Veckle for lunch. It wasn't a bad day, just raining as usual, and I needed to make sure I wasn't being followed. I'm not paranoid, but everything I do makes me a bit paranoid. I refuse to wear makeup and panties after a couple of odd assassination attempts on my freelance local drugs cases. I don't mind looking like a hag. I pack my various mobile phones, my first aid kit and full prescriptions; personal use narcotics: a crate of Jim Beam, four kilos of weed, a brick of methamphetamine, and just a couple kilos of coke and heroin. It's useful on the streets - and for my personal survival...I finish my breakfast cocktail and head out...

 ...I am meeting Veckle at the Burger Shack around the corner from Nutcough Hills's old cinema. I hate Nutcough Hills . The more I have to endure this place, the more I want to go. maybe I'm afraid to send my CV out more. Either way, this lead might be it for me. I get to the Burger Shack early...Doctor Veckle keeps me waiting ten minutes. I'm not counting though, I finish my twentieth Marlboro and order a lunchtime cocktail. It's O.K. here...

...Veckle has arrived and sits on a tiny neon stool...I smile at the fat burger guy, who's still looking at me funny...Maybe he's checking my ass out...Veckle looks at me too, sipping his orange juice. I forgot it's a Burger Shack, so I order a slushy and tip in half the Jim Beam. The fat burger guy serving us has gone back to the bog to bash one out. This gives me time to crush a Mandrax, out of my personal First Aid kit, into the foul shit they call a slushy - just to give it some taste...

...Veckle smiles at me, once I've downed half my slushy cocktail. I feel good. And I've smeared my lip gloss, but don't care. I just hope that gloss wasn't trying to poison me...

...I look at Veckle. He's a fat dude, maybe forty plus, maybe younger; has this gingery CNN-hair and chunky Jessica Fletcher spectacles. Fat people always look older for some reason, but that turns me on. I imagine humping him in various sexual positions; I think he might be exhausted after sixty-nining... I think about what his crinkly cock looks like, whether he's circuumcised or not, and smile back at him...

...Veckle gives me a weird look, and passes me a file, badly covered by a Burger Shack napkin...

 

“What's this?” I ask.

 

Veckle grinned.“It's my research. I want you to take it. I think I'm getting squeezed.”

 

“Squeezed?”

 

“Yes, Paige, they're fucking trying to get me! They want the crazy vamp back. They want the fucking weapon back!”

 

“Quit bullshitting me, Horatio! Tell me what's going on?”

 

Veckle starts to sweat - this is full-on fat guy sweat. “I never said to you my name was Horatio, did I?”

 

I roll my eyes. Not this again. Nobody likes a paranoid doctor...A paranoid android's bad enough...

 

“No, it's on your office door - so what? I done my research on you, you know me? No secrets, lover. And I think you're the real deal. You're a crazy inventor and I'm a washed-up hack! Fuck all that backstory stereotype shit - I think your heart's in the right place - believe me Horatio, mine is too!”

 

“Spare me the cliches, kiddo”, slurred Horatio.

 

“What? There's not many local heroes left. But to take in weird test subjects like this is pretty cool. I was thinking of making a documentary. It might get things, more what's the word?”

 

“I don't know Paige. I'm getting jittery. I'm moving out of Nutcough. I thought this little village would be safe. I'm wrong. I was thinking of going to Skegness, but I'm not so sure now.”

 

“Shit, Skeggy? Really?”

 

“It's got a great scene going on there, and I like the fresh air. I want you to meet Iron Ass, too.”

 

“Iron Ass?” I laugh.

 

Veckle shrugged. “I'm sorry that I didn't trust you at first, Paige, but I think I know what kind of mind you have and I think you can help keep us on record. Just in case we go missing, if you get what I'm saying.”

 

“Iron Ass? You fucking serious, Doc? Why he called Iron Ass? That's some weird name for a mutated vampire?”

 

Horatio smirks, shrugging. “You'll see when you meet him.”

 

...At that moment, Detective Bryan Simms entered. He used to live round here, and keeps poking his nose in. He was supposed to be some kinda of tough cop and, unsurprisingly, Simms looked wasted again. I know he used to have a meth lab and opium plantation just outside Nutcough Hills. He stares at us, with his piercing blue and red eyes. He's not in one of his moods...

 

...Horatio looks scared, suddenly unable to speak - just a series of nods and winks to me; he takes his foul-looking orange squash away with him. I don't know how he can drink that shit. That OJ's not important though it might be later, as I feel piercing eyes on me. What was in that OJ? I'm sure I get the feeling that Simms is checking me out again...He had to be still pretty young, he must be only forty-five or something close to forty. But he definitely works out, or sport fucks a lot...

...Simms pretends he's deciding what to