The Abyss of Radical Stupidity, R.K. Galvez [phonics story books .txt] 📗

they were turning to gas...Was I evaporating again?

 

"Tell me then?" Tellman growled. His penis had turned into an orange vegetable flower. “Tell me a Midnight Pharmacy Lemonade Drinker and August Ham Man story, please?”

 

Tellman laughed a hearty laugh...

 

...P.S. Futurefade: It wasn't like any other day for me. I had woken up at 3 a.m. and decided I was an insomniac...I needed to go out and get some dirty air. Air that people had breathed and vehicles had polluted…I slept through years; I don’t know if I missed too much…

 

…My home was way too quiet; those cheap perfume fumes were making me woozy...(Actually, it wasn't my home, I'll get to that later - there was a delicate art to squatting in London...As always it was a theatrically delicate condition...)... I knew of a charming afterhours club in good olde Vauxhall...Beware of those token luvvies, they are harmless really but there was something joyous about the old unknown nether regions of London...It always made me feel high and good about myself…I would meet men and women there who would take me back to their abode's to perform consensual sexual activities upon me; it was like a free gym membership - of course, I didn't mind men, women, or vegetables! Although I drew the fine line at donkeys and dead pigs...[...Maybe that would be a good title for a certain former P.M,'s multi-million deal soon-to-be-published memoirs...]...

 

...So I decided to put on some transparent clothes, and take the solitary night ride to quiet little Vauxhall...

The LaVey Love-Law Clause

  ...I know this is against the rules, but I did check out Paige Chance before getting her to help me. I found Iron Ass in a military hospital in Seoul in 1988, and I've been looking for freelance mavericks like me. We've been on the run ever since I sneaked him out. He's been such a huge part of my life. I suppose I have a bit of a crush on him, even if he's a bit ugly, but he's so smart for a vampire. He's seen and remembered so many important events and has some very good scientific ideas, although he admits he cannot remember his human years. He offered me a dossier of his own research, which I've slightly embellished and absorbed into my own work like a good academic. It's good he needs me. But I need him. He might be able to help me win back government support and I will get the recognition I deserve...

 

...Why did I trust Paige again? That's it, it was the fact she was a school reporter, before she became a part-time prostitute and party organiser. She done a story on me when I won a science prize for Nutcough Hill's local innovation award. It usually goes to some really geeky kid who's developed a website and is now a multimillionaire. But for once it went to my vermin killer traps. The key was that I had a small piece of Iron Ass's shit on a titanium wire which shoots out to eat the vermin...

 

...The Vampire monster shit would pull it back into the trap making it look like the specified vermin had gone into the trap, when in fact I had let Iron Ass's vampire shit out on a wire. I never told the organisers, or sponsors this. And never explained about all those frontline workers who handled the devices and went crazy off the gas the shit emits. Though there was amusing web footage. And I was paid - mainly in stock...

 

...They sold modestly and I have made a comfortable sum. It's all gone back into my research and protecting Iron Ass and it's drained me. I'm fat, forty-four years old, and I've got a small dick. My work has absorbed my life. I've decided that I'll try to put something away to go on one of those mail order orgy cruises in the States, you know the ones where you can ship the whores in, like some kind of sea brothel. I don't know if I'll go AC/DC again like I did with that sleaze, Simms, but I need something different...

 

...My second tracking of Paige Chance was discovering her online site. Many people think people in pornography, these people are thick. It's a common stereotype, but it is wrong. Most are quite disturbed, that's true, but that doesn't make them stupid. I am not admitting to supporting pornography, I'm not fussed, although I'd rather have a world with porn than without. But it was through porn I was reconnected with Paige Chance. She was a Porn News Reporter with her own sex blog, where she also tested out sex toys and reviewed dodgy flicks for the industry and blogged regularly about them.

 

...I always tuned in when she started posting videos and pictures...I immediately pulled my pants down and reached for the butter. I slapped it on my sore dick and had a creamy wank. I shot my load over her webpage and I got that gut instinct that I might be able to trust her...Cum-Screen Bliss...This information might also harm her mainstream journalistic ambitions...Selling advertising space for a local rag, as a day job, must have some severe limitations. You can't be your own boss for one. But I religiously tuned into more of Paige Chance's videos. I got hooked you might say...

 

...In one blog video, Paige plays with a toy called "The Purple Warrior". It's a huge dildo with a massive purple head. The design looked like it had been inspired by a sci-fi/fantasy anime or hentai...It can also be strapped on, if you're interested to know....I have already got a similar model, which I loaned a private patient...These experimental dildos are huge though. Surely a test is not necessary? But science and entertainment can mix occasionally, I suppose...

 

...Paige was dressed in a man's shirt and wearing no bra and panties. Next to her is her laptop and you can see a sparse room, a bed, and a drawn khaki curtain. She sits on a plastic patio chair and adjusts her webcam picture, zooming in on her moist pussy. She stretches her labia, droplets of pussy juice are illuminated on the laminate flooring, as she starts to violently hit her pussy with the Purple Warrior dildo. Then after sucking the Purple Warrior for a while, she stuffs it into her soggy cunt. She squirts everywhere, making a nice sloppy splash, and she keeps plunging away, like a real pro, pulling the Purple Warrior out to lick it occasionally. She does that weird porno thing of playing with one breast and pinching and pulling her nipple and squashing her breast. Also, she constantly keeps moving her hair out of her face. She puts the Purple Warrior to her nipple too, letting her pussy juices seep on her sore nipple and drip down her soft breast. All through this video I was still wanking. Both my hands are getting sore and my foreskin's bleeding again. I pour more baby oil on my tiny cock and wince as it stings...But it feels so good...

 

...Iron Ass gets in. He stinks, he's almost bald and doesn't have any slick sexy Vamp mojo no more. And he hates it that he doesn't think of himself as beautiful - Vampires are really vain, though the reflection thing remains an issue, most of the image continues to be bullshit. I think Iron Ass used to be a pretty boy. But most of his kind smell bad, and look bad. Iron Ass looks at me. He's high again.

 

"I want out Horatio", Iron Ass moans.

 

"What?" I'm shocked. He's had a better offer, I bet Simms called round. I check the windows. Outside I see Simms sunbathing, a blunt clamped in his mouth, watching pornos off his iphone and waving at me with his other hand. I notice it's covered in cum. I start to get a bit nervy.

 

"You hear?"

 

"But we've been so tight?" I'm almost crying. Iron Ass glares at me, looking even uglier when he scowls.

 

"You're using me. You know how good Vampires are at giving head. And I feel like a shit bank for all your weird inventions. I'm not sucking your cock no more', Horatio"

 

"It's fine. I'm not queer anyway."

 

"Oh yes, you are Horatio."

 

"Iron Ass, let's not go there again. Have you been talking to Simms?"

 

"Who?"

 

I look outside again and Simms has vanished. I knew those pills had side effects, I should've laid off them. Mojis are my limit and they're hit and miss now.

 

"Who the fuck is Simms, Horatio? You been making deals again?"

 

"He's sometype of cop, but he's crooked."

 

"I'll straighten him out."

 

"I'm sure you will, but he's dangerous. He knows stuff. I don't know how, he makes me nervous. He's seen me naked, he's a fucking sleaze."

 

"You've got a crush on him as well? you still wanted to have that threesome with Paige? She's a tasty morsel, even if she's a bit of a slut. I don't want to catch anything off her."

 

"Paige is fine. We've got to move you - but stay with me. Please, let's talk it over!"

 

"We are, aren't we? Horatio, your problem is that you trust people too much."

 

"Don't play cool with me, vampire."

 

Iron Ass smiles and strips off, revealing his bony ugly flesh. He stinks bad; he fills a basin with perfume and liberally splashes it over his decomposing flesh.

 

"I'm not gay, though."

 

"It's fine, Horatio. You want me to suck your cock one last time?"

 

"Sure, you're doing the sucking so that can't make me gay. Let me check for hidden cameras first!"

 

"You're getting really fucking paranoid, Horatio! It's really fucking annoying. This Simms has really got you spooked. I'm taking my shit and hitting the road if you're losing it."

 

"Iron Ass stay with me, please. I need you! We can move somewhere else, I can rebuild the safehouse! I'm sorry you've got no penis now, I'll adapt a Purple Warrior for you!"

 

"You nerdy cunt - you had to bring that up, didn't you?"

 

"Everyone knows. You're a local legend here."

 

"You're hungry for my shit, you can have some anytime."

 

"I hope that was a joke - it'd kill me if you unleash the lot on me!"

 

Iron Ass stares at me. Can I still trust him? He wouldn't hurt me, I know he wouldn't. I undo my trousers and thrust my sore dick to his fucked-up mouth. Flies are swarming around us and I turn on the fly zapper lights. You know the ones they have in chip shops? All of these were from old chip shops that had closed down. I stare at the bright lights of them, watching flies fry. Iron Ass is staring at me.

 

"Well, you want a nibble?", I ask, all shy like a right nerd.

 

"Look over there", murmurs Iron Ass.

 

I turn around and see the fucker from Burger Shack, strolling down the corridor. How the fuck did he get in? I don't know, it must be Simms helping him out. But the Burger Shack jerk is taking photographs of everything with some slimline spy camera.

 

"Fucker!"

 

"I'll sort him", hisses Iron Ass.

 

"No Iron Ass, people will come looking. He's been sent here." I try to restrain him and retch at his smell. Iron Ass igores it, he's used to it and people puking over him.

 

"What you going to