Dark Waiting, Hannah Wells [i can read book club txt] 📗

Dark Waiting 1

Deftly I avoid
your greedy hands
why do you come for me?
I am your seed!

I awaken at night
to feel you
plummet inside me
my tears and pain
are not your concern

In daylight too
you come for me
I see the torture
in your eyes
I love you
but can never forgive
your theft
of my childhood

I’ve come to expect now
what you do
waiting in the dark
for you to take
what is not yours

Now there’s peace
after you’re done
I sleep without dreams

Waiting
in the dark
vaguely wondering
what if you don’t come
now that I need your release

What monster
have you made me
now I crave
what you do?

I creep
to your room now
crawl on you
ride you
crying
daddy I need you

Help me forgive you
forgive myself
for what we do
I’m not even twelve
how can that be?

Dark Waiting 2

I’ve come to accept
what we do

There is no mystery
in the act
Only the puzzle
of your shame

Afterward, you retreat
or even cry
You beg for my forgiveness

At fourteen I understand
that what we share
fills a human need
like eating 
or sleeping
that can’t be denied

Who else would you 
come to?
We are alone
in the world

I could refuse you now
and you would stay away
but the ache within me
would be my only companion

I keep our secret
with mixed emotions
I could tell
and they would take you
Relieve my burden
set me free
to find a path
on my own
without the safety
of your loving arms

Dark Waiting 3

The world comes to our door

A lady from church, a widow
brings us a pie
and invites us to
bible study
and church suppers
then asks discreetly
if there is a woman
in the house
who can talk to me
about the things
a girl needs to know

A boy at school
likes me
asks me to a dance
you miss the irony
completely
as you awkwardly
warn me about boys

In return for my
compliance
I demand more

When you retreat
I reach for you
tell you to stay
and talk to me
our odd version
of father-daughter time

You tell me about Mom
how she died
about your work
about distant family
I in turn tell you about
school
my time away
when we’re not alone

Our furtive coupling
becomes more
we learn
that simple holding
gentle touching
brings peace

You sometimes sleep
while I lie awake
pondering
my existence

Mornings I awake alone

Publication Date: 03-13-2022

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Dedication: