SEE THE WORLD BEHIND MY WALL, Belinda Louis [readnow TXT] 📗

Growing up as a child I always felt ugly,betrayed,used....even more words that I can describe myself. Depression didn't hit me until 7th grade. I was being bullied in the 6th grade but it didn't start bothering me until I hit 7th grade. I was a tall girl for my age and I was only 5'7-5'8 and they would bully me because of my height. They would call me dirty words like "TALL BITCH","BIG GOOFIE ASS BITCH ASS BIRD", and even more hurtful words to bring me down. My friends always told me, even the kids that would bully me told me I was a beautiful, or even pretty girl it's just that I was tall. Now everyone knows in Junior High school your expected to reach a short height and to me I didn't care, I just wanted to hurry up and graduate while I laugh at the other kids to didn't make it to High School.

Okay back to the beginning about 7th grade. I started 7th grade...and couldn't wait to finally be in my second year of junior high. I thought wrong, it became a night mare and I just couldn't take the pain anymore. It got so bad that I cut myself and I actually started to bleed even more. I constantly got so annoyed with everyone that instead of getting mad at them, I got mad at myself which cause me to cut myself. I thought that nobody wanted me because I was tall. To be honest I only had a boyfriend once in the 7th grade and our relationship lasted about 7 months until my best friend who I never thought would do this too me went to a party with him behind my back and heard the next day that he cheated on me with her. Deep inside that hurted me so bad that I couldn't stop crying over him for about 3 months. I know it's long...but it was that way because I loved him and my feelings for him was deep. I never told any of my siblings how I felt about my life. I always figured if they asked me how's school I just make up a bunch of lies saying how great and wonderful it is.


Chapter 2

I always felt a certain way about the friends I hung out with. Jasmine was her name. That evil bitch who now go's out with my ex boyfriend. It got much worse that I tired to commit suicide and it got out and I was only by myself. I went home trying to forget everything and coming from a background that's kinda strict if they found out what I was going through they would kill me. As much as I want to leave the school things would become much worse and I would get bullied even more I thought. But sometimes I wonder "WHAT IF..", that's what I thought to myself while listening to my favorite band Tokio Hotel "WORLD BEHIND MY WALL", I thought what if I could break these walls and see the opposite of my life. But when I got to High School...now graduating and leaving for 9th grade I figured things would get better but here we go again nothing but the same shit I was going through in Junior High school. One day In my room it was rainy and stormy outside. So I turned up the radio which was playing Angel- bye Amanda Perez. For the first time of listening to it I started to tear like never before and ripped out all the modeling, popular, even poster pics I had hanged up in my room. I ripped it all and cried over them leaving nothing but wet puddle of paper melting ink over my legs.

Chapter 3

I've decided to get help and I only told my only and closes person I have in my life. I've known her since kindergarden. Cecilia ,she was Afican, Haitian, Canadian descent. And I never expected her to be light skinned. She was such a good friend and after she found out what I was going through she immediately called her therapist and told him what was wrong. I told him all my problems and ever since then I never felt bad about myself ever again. I stopped cutting myself and dealed with problems a different way. Every time I saw her I always told her thank you..because she's the reason why I stopped doing things that could effect me and my future in life If I continued to do so.

Chapter 4

"12 grade finally graduating",I finally leaving the life of being bullied would actually become true. Me and Cecilia went out that night of finally graduating and ate dinner with my parents and her's. I haven't seen them in so long and I'm ready to see them again tonight. Cecilia and I were talking about moving in on our own and finally being responsible. Three months later.. Cecilia's parents bought us a house although her father was King of Zimbabwe, she had a rich background and thanks too her dad we now have the whole place to ourselves and we get too have fun.

Chapter 5

I finally turned 19 and Cecilia celebrated along with me (July 13 2009). Cecilia told me about going out with her and find a man. I was like "HELLLLL NOOO CECILIA YOU KNOW THE FUCKED UP SHIT I WAS GOING THROUGH AND I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK THERE AGAIN", Cecilia was shocked and sat me down. "Listen Roxy..yea I know you was going through mad shit just like break away and start new..just picture yourself being reborn were you can actually start all over again", she said sighing. I had nothing better to do but take her advice.
So Cecilia's good friend named Shaheim introduced himself to me. Cecilia always told me how much he liked me and how he couldn't stop thinking about me. Let me tell you this boy was fine as fuck...there were just somethings I wish I could do to him. I wanted to ask him out....but for a girl were I'm from they don't find that cute so I allow the boy to ask me out. And yes I'm from Brooklyn, New York..were the ghetto shit go's down...like every one says but no...were actually nice people it's just that certain people don't sanitize themselves and DON'T..I REPEAT DON'T MESS WITH THE WRONG BITCHES CAUSE THEY ALWAYS FIND A WAY TO START FIGHTING....MAN SHIT REALLY CRAZY OUT HERE. Anyway like I was saying he is fine as hell and I just wasn't ready to be with him yet.

Chapter 6

There was that one day when Cecilia invited him to some boy's party that Cecilia liked. So then I was lonely and tired and I was now ready to date. But lately i stopped growing and I'm 5'9 cause I quit drinking milk ever since then. So.....I was sitting in the corner by myself and yes I was in a club in TIMES SQUARE. Shaheim the boy who liked me came and sat next to me and his cute hazel eyes and those sexy short jerry curls with shade side burns. Shaheim was light skinned and kinda tanned but he was tall about 6 feet I think and those sexy pink lips that I couldn't get my eyes off. He was Trinidadian and Puerto Rican. Which was my background too. Me and Shaheim made a perfect match and we went to the dance floor and started dancing. Oh my gosh the way he was grinding and grabbing on me like that made me wet under my dress. My feelings for him grew and my heart started to pound even more the closer I got to him.

Chapter 7

I told Cecilia everything and she was so happy for me. I already gave Shaheim my number..so we started to talk more and he asked me out and I did say YES!!!!!!!. But I said yes because I liked him and I was into him a lot. Shaheim and I went on a date but shit I forgot what was the place we ate at. Anyway......the night was great and Shaheim asked me if I wanted to sleep over at his place . Yo I swear he think he slick I knew exactly what he wanted to do but I can't lie I wanted to do exactly the same. He pulled up in his driveway and started teasing me. And he went so far that out of nowhere we ended up in his bedroom. And I can't lie we did fuck and it was amazing. I don't think I should go into full detail I don't think you really need to know everything. Lol. So yea....I woke up next to him and kissed him and took a shower with him too. He made me breakfast...and boy was it good. I've slept over at his place a couple times. And Cecilia was already planning to get a cake. "No were not getting married", I told her.


Chapter 8


So Shaheim and I were going more often and even tires to act like he never met me before. And ever since then ( we started dating since 2009) he became my boyfriend and were dating for about 3 years. But a year later the craziest thing happened to me. I met my ex boyfriend in high school at one of my college classmates crib. Remember the one who cheated on me in Junior High. When he seen me, he was like DAMN! and he told me how he regret doing that to me and he told me how fine I was and all that shit. And he even tried to hook up with me again I was like "FUCK OUT OF HERE...BYE BOY", Yo he was so embarrassed when I cursed him out. And It felt good getting revenge. And I told Cecilia she was Cracking The Fuck up I tell you Cecilia was weak.

Chapter 9

I told Shaheim (We still are a couple till this day 2009-) and he was weak himself but he told me if I see him again he gonna fuck him up for me. I was like "AWWWWWW!"...LOL. But I wish you guys knew how Shaheim treats me. He is such a good boyfriend. So far I trust Shaheim and I'm planning on having a baby with him, Cause he's always telling me he wants a little boy named Shahiem Jr. running around the house. And I told him soon baby soon. He's so special and If it wasn't for Cecilia I probably wouldn't be here right now.


CHAPTER 10 (THE END, THANKS FOR READING AND ENJOY)

My life was to me always a mess and to others it seems easy when it's not. People are always going to feel a way. And I'm working on writing my books and I'm also a singer and some day