If: A Play in Four Acts, Lord Dunsany [any book recommendations TXT] 📗

MIRALDA

What do they do?

JOHN BEAL

They kill people.

MIRALDA

Do they? How?

JOHN BEAL

I'm afraid they pour their blood down those horrible throats.

MIRALDA

Do they? How do you know?

JOHN BEAL

I've seen them do it, and those mouths are all rusty. But it's all right now. It won't happen any more.

MIRALDA

Won't it? Why not?

JOHN BEAL

Well, I...

ARCHIE BEAL

He's stopped them, Miss Clement. They're all going to be thrown into the river.

MIRALDA

Have you?

JOHN BEAL

Well, yes. I had to. So it's all right now. They won't do it any more.

MIRALDA

H'm.

JOHN BEAL

What, what is it? I promise you that's all right. They won't do that any more.

MIRALDA

H'm. I've never known anyone that tried to govern a country or anything of that sort, but...

JOHN BEAL

Of course, I'm just doing what I can to put them right.... I'd be very glad of your advice... Of course, I'm only here in your name.

MIRALDA

What I mean is that I'd always thought that the one thing you shouldn't do, if you don't mind my saying so...

JOHN BEAL

No, certainly.

MIRALDA

Was to interfere in people's religious beliefs.

JOHN BEAL

But, but I don't think you quite understand. The priests knife these people in the throat, boys and girls, and then acolytes lift them up and the blood runs down. I've seen them.

MIRALDA

I think it's best to leave religion to the priests. They understand that kind of thing.

[JOHN BEAL opens his mouth in horror and looks at ARCHIE. ARCHIE returns the glance; there is very nearly a twinkle in ARCHIE's eyes.]

MIRALDA

Let's see Hussein.

JOHN BEAL

What do you think, Archie?

ARCHIE BEAL

Poor fellow. We'd better send for him.

MIRALDA

Why do you say "poor fellow"?

ARCHIE BEAL

Oh, because he's so much in debt. It's awful to be in debt. I'd sooner almost anything happened to me than to owe a lot of money.

MIRALDA

Your remark didn't sound very complimentary.

ARCHIE BEAL

O, I only meant that I'd hate to be in debt. And I should hate owing money to you, Because...

MIRALDA

Why?

ARCHIE BEAL

Because I should so awfully want to pay it.

MIRALDA

I see.

ARCHIE BEAL

That's all I meant.

MIRALDA

Does Hussein awfully want to pay it?

ARCHIE BEAL

Well, no. But he hasn't seen you yet. He will then, of course.

[Enter DAOUD. He goes to the unholy heap.]

JOHN BEAL

Daoud, for the present these gods must stay. Aho-oomlah's gone, but the rest must stay for the present.

DAOUD

Even so, great master.

JOHN BEAL

Daoud, go once more to the palace of the Lord of the Pass and beat the outer door. Say that the great lady herself would see him. The great lady, Miss Clement, the white traveller's heiress.

DAOUD

Yes, master.

JOHN BEAL

Hasten.

[Exit DAOUD.]

I have sent him for Hussein.

MIRALDA

I don't know their language.

JOHN BEAL

You will see him, and I'll tell you what he says.

MIRALDA [to ARCHIE]

Have you been here long?

ARCHIE BEAL

No. I think he wrote to me by the same mail as he wrote to you (if they have mails here). I came at once.

MIRALDA

So did I; but you weren't on the Empress of Switzerland.

ARCHIE BEAL

No, I came round more by land.

JOHN BEAL

You know, I hardly like bringing Hussein in here to see you. He's such a—he's rather a...

MIRALDA