My Personal Hell, D. Richardson [ebook reader browser txt] 📗

slightly. I watched him hand her a single deep blue rose and I looked away for a moment. But I couldn’t just not watch.

 

 

 

 

 

Ailith

 

 

 

 

I came to tell him goodbye, and he gives me one of his roses. Well, he bought them, but it was something he used to always do. Once upon a time the blue rose was my favorite flower. But as I looked at it I realized that I preferred a very different flower now.

“What? You don’t like roses anymore?” he asked, leaning down to try to look into my eyes.

“No I do, its just that…” I didn’t know how to finish the sentence.

“It’s not your favorite anymore, that’s fine, just tell me what it is and it’s yours,” he replied with that happy grin I used to love to see. For some reason I glanced back at Sadler’s car. It was only for a moment, but it was enough to erase the grin, that was replaced by concern. “Is there something going on between you two?” he asked and I felt my eyes widen.

“No, he’s just been a good friend to me since I moved here.” He gave me a look that I couldn’t decipher.

“You mean the type of friend that would air your personal life for everyone to get a good look?” It was the first time he had ever had a snappy tone with me.

“We argue sometimes, we say things we don’t mean, he didn’t realize that Zeke was there, it happens.” I don’t know why I was defending Sadler’s actions. I was actually still upset with him for that. But I didn’t like Cory ripping into him when he wasn’t there to defend himself.

“So you’re just friends?” he asked, a sardonic look taking over his features.

“Yes,” I answered cautiously.

“You mean like how we’ve always been just good friends?”

“Yes, wait no,” I hurried to correct myself, this conversation was not going in the direction I had hoped it would. “It’s different,” I finally managed to say.

“If you say so.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” I asked, but held up a hand to stop him from answering. “I didn’t come here to talk about Sadler. I came to talk about you.” He leaned against the car, awkwardly folding his arms as one of them was in a small cast.

“What about me?”

“I think…you should go home.” It took a lot to force it out. He stood up straight looking like I had just kicked him in the gut.

“Why?” he asked, then his expression went flat. “It’s because of him isn’t it?”

“No, it’s because of me,” I replied, getting thoroughly sick of him pushing everything off on an innocent bystander.

“You’re still the same girl I fell for almost three years ago,” he gave a nervous laugh and I shook my head.

“No I’m not. I’m different, Cory. I have a different life here. I have freedom and choices. I don’t even know who I am anymore. And until I figure that out I’m not good for you.” He stepped closer, putting his hand on the side of my face, making me look at him.

“What are you talking about? I love you.” My breath caught. It was the first time anyone had ever said that to me, with the exception of my mom, and my dad before he got mean. And I didn’t believe him. I believed that he believed it, but I didn’t believe that it was true.

“I love you too, but not in the right way,” I replied. He took a step back like I had hit him. “Think about it, Cory. We’ve never, not once, ever disagreed about anything.” I was hoping he would get my point without having to explain it further. I could see that he understood, but I could also see him dismiss it.

“That’s because we’re so good together.” I could see the tears well up in his eyes as I shook my head.

“No, its because we always sidestep it. Always doing everything we can never to get angry with each other. If we keep doing that it’s just going to build and build until it blows up in our faces. And we can’t change it because that’s what we’ve always done. That’s the way we are when we’re together.” He wouldn’t look at me for the longest moment of my life. Until finally he met my eyes, his resolve shining through.

“Okay, but I want you to ask yourself something. You don’t have to answer me, I don’t want to know,” he started, then pointed at the rose I still held in my hand. “Did your favorite flower change because of him?” That was not the question I thought he was going to ask. He didn’t even give me a chance to think about it as he stepped forward, brushing a kiss on my lips, and pulling me into a hug. “I’m going to miss you,” he whispered, then released me and walked inside.

I had to take a deep breath before I could even face the car, let alone get back in it.

Chapter 30

Sadler

 

 

 

 

 

She was breathing heavily when she got into the car. The rose in her hand was bent from her holding it so tightly. It was obviously bred to not have thorns. She didn’t look at me, or say anything, so I just started the car.

When I saw the look on her face as he walked away I had made a call, hanging up just as she climbed in. She didn’t even seem to notice. When I turned the car around it took about five minutes for her to say something.

“Where are we going? This isn’t the way we got to the border before.”

“We’re not going to the border.”

“But Drake said we had to do the border run since we didn’t finish it before.”

“I took care of it.”

“Then where are we going?”

“I’m going to drop you off at my place and find something to do until you’re ready to go home.”

“Why?” I shrugged.

“You look like you could use some time alone.”

“I could do that at home.” I raised a brow at her.

“In a house full of wolves?” She looked away, but didn’t complain when I pulled into my driveway. I waited for her to get out but instead she reached over and took the keys out of the ignition.

“I can be alone with you there.” She really hadn’t left me a choice so I followed her out of the car.

When we walked in she went into the kitchen. I wasn’t sure what she was doing so I leaned against the counter to watch her. She started to wash my dishes.

“You don’t have to do that,” I said, but she didn’t even look at me.

“It helps me clear my mind.” I shrugged and grabbed a water bottle out of the fridge.

We were silent for a few minutes, a few very awkward minutes for me. I had no idea what to do. It didn’t seem right for me to sit on my couch while she cleaned my house, so I stayed where I was.

“How did you know?” she asked suddenly. I was about to ask her what I was supposed to have known but she beat me to it, turning to look at me while she dried her hands. “That we had slept together, how did you know?” I cleared my throat, stalling for time.

“The way you acted around each other. Especially after I heard you had dated Zeke. You treated him like an old friend, but with Cory you were different, closer. It just seemed obvious I guess.” She nodded.

“And my tattoo?” My eyes immediately dropped to her hip. Her clothes completely covered it, like they always did.

“That last song you sang at the benefit. Your shirt rode up a little.” She nodded, as though it made perfect sense. Then she stared at the floor for a while.

“Would you mind if I went and laid down?” she asked, I nodded.

“Yeah, go ahead.” She leaned forward before standing straight, her hair flowed over her shoulder, blocking her face from view. She wore her hair down more and more lately. I loved it, all of it except the part where I couldn’t touch it.

I was losing my mind I decided as I sat down on the couch. A half hour later there was a lull in the sound coming from the TV. I hadn’t even been watching it, I just turned it on for some noise. But I heard an odd sound come from the bedroom. I weighted my options for a minute or two, trying to decide whether or not I should check on her. By the time I made the conscious decision I was already at the door.

She had left it cracked like usual, so all I had to do was peek in through the opening. She was laying on her side, her back to the door. It looked like she was hugging one of my pillows. Then I noticed that her shoulders were shaking. It took me all of thirty seconds before I realized that she was crying.

As cliché as it sounds, I didn’t think that girl could cry. Not unless she were locked up for weeks on end and on the verge of losing her mind. Hell, I thought running a hand through my hair, I watched them pull a bullet out of her and she just clenched her teeth and took it. She snapped a man’s neck, freaked out for a minute, and then shook it off. Now she’s crying so hard her entire body was shaking over a human boy.

I couldn’t just leave her like that. She probably wanted me too, but I couldn’t. I was willing to let her hate me for it later, but I slid the door open as quietly as I could. I made it to the side of the bed and she didn’t move.

I was right, she was hugging the pillow, but only so she could bury her face in it. I was close enough now that I could hear the muffled sounds she was making. She wasn’t wailing, or keening, but her breathing was hard and I could hear it hitch on every inhale.

This situation was not on my list of experiences. I’d never had a girl in my loft, with the exception of my sister, let alone crying in my bed. The first and last time a girl was ever even in my bed was when she was healing from a gun shot. I didn’t even bring the girls I dated home with me. I usually stayed at their place so I could leave whenever I wanted.

So I gave myself a mental shrug and knelt down on the bed. She stiffened as soon as she felt the movement, but she didn’t move away or even turn around. I laid down behind her. Moving closer so I could feel her back against my chest, and wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her tighter against me.

Her breathing was still ragged, but she didn’t move, not even to pull her face away from the pillow. Instead the tears started up again, and I just held her. After a few minutes she finally moved, only to roll over and bury her face in my chest. Her hands clenched