Long Lost in a trance, Marissa Luckett [ebooks online reader txt] 📗

You’re everything I thought you never were and nothing like I thought you could've been but still you live inside of me so tell me how is that?"-Beyonce      I used to always think growing up was going to be the best thing. Always thinking that growing up meant that you were treated like a adult, that you could do what ever you want. But I grew up. I grew into a teenager and that’s less then fun, but less then fun’s just a understatement. Being a teenager is hell, drama, everything but fun. But there are those moments in my life that I can be my self. No drama, and hell free. But then I started the worst thing I could ever possibly ever do. I thought that boys would treat you with respect and wouldn’t hurt you. But I was terribly wrong. I had meet this boy. And when they say you go threw a lot of heart brake. Well this one boy started it all. I had gotten a skype. I had also gotten a web camera. I thought he was nice I had known him for a month and a half. But he cheated. He left me in tears. And cuts. I never told anyone. After that I had felt used. But it just didn’t stop there. A boy had asked me to take a picture for him. I did. But I never deleted it. This girl this cruel girl got onto my phone and sent it to everyone! I was in a panic. Everyone knew about it they saw her do it. And she put the phone back. This girl Sierra took it and saw what she had sent. And she told everyone. The cruel girl held that against me.     My mom had no trust at all in me. She made me go to counseling. I had been down and sad and the counseling did not help at all. The lady just made my self esteem go lower and lower. Because I didn’t want to be telling all my problems to this one lady, that I didn’t know at all. I was just scared. And alone. I had to go every Thursday, to this lady for a hour, and fake my smile, my laugh. Just like I did to my best friend that lived so far away. My life seemed not as bad as hers. But still I wasn’t there for her. And my life seemed to block out her feelings. And that made me feel even worse, considering we had been friends for 7 ½ years.   But one day. After all the drama. I jumped into a relationship. I had meet him on meet me. On a app on my tablet. And he was not that attractive. But we talked and sooner and sooner, he was attractive, smart, nice, he always kept me laughing, smiling, and happy. That first night I had meet him. I asked my best friend Lexy if I should call him. She said sure. I was so nervous I made her mute her self. But as soon as we called right away me and Joseph just clicked. We talked and talked. And finally I seemed to be getting the awkward silence. He wanted me to make the first move. So I did I asked him if he wanted to go out. He without a doubt he said yes. But there was one thing. He lived 2 ½ hours away. And neither one of us could drive. Knowing him only with a permit because of him being 15 he couldn’t drive all the way hear. But after a while of begging my mom finally agreed. 

The day I first meet you, you told me you’d never fall in love but know that I get you I know fear is what it really was-Demi Lovato

   I cant believe I actually thought he was the one. I loved him I was completely faithful. But know im sitting hear at 11:36 PM writing a story about my life! I literally thought he was the one. But then I sit hear and talk to my friends boyfriend. And I get them together and he’s sooo happy! But I look at Joseph and he’s all “oh yah yah I love you” . I mean I know he’s not good at showing his feelings but really? I mean he cant even pretend that he really loves me. But I cant believe that I still try. I mean as I sit hear im literally giving him a 2nt chance I told him on my kik if he loves me he’ll call me, I’m still waiting for that call. I’m still waiting for the pain to pass. My wrist hurts like crazy. And yet im still typing this. Like I said I cant believe I still try. If he loves me he should try to get me back. But no he wont. He never will. He’s a stupid jerk, but a stupid cute one. He’s the one and only boy that I will actually fall for. I’ve already been heart broken twice but, he I just wont let US end. I want US to be together for ever and ever. Forever and always like he said we would be, like he said he would forever and always love me, how he said he would NEVER ever brake my heart. I know people lie, but that is just low. I love him. He knows that but he just doesn’t show it.

Publication Date: 04-05-2013

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Dedication:
My best friend, Alexis Renne Chavers thanks for always being there for me. My boyfriend the one that stuck with me threw thick and thin and never gave up on me.