F**k Yeah!, Al Calm [ebook reader online .txt] 📗

;D

What the fuck am I doing in the club on Monday morning? Jaded on too? Jaded even still on? I'm aiming to get back to wherever I can crash and tune into a bit of Billy Bunter from back in the day bruv, right on twelve-ish! Nothing like a Mad Bastard Monday locking in for Music Mondays! Fucking wallop one-hundred percent! Still cracking up just thinking of Psycho MC! What a fuckin' legend!

I got that empty bubble-head feeling; my lips are flaking, vibe riding - I've chewed me gums rotten, like all fucked trying to swallow, everything seems to be looking at me. Right into me eyes. A wall beam grows a face, like something out of Return to Oz. Fucking Gnome King tripping - proper trippy slippers, dude!

Fucked up wrinkly face winks at me. No more of that research compound, it's fucking real trippy! Still see a wrinkly, pickled, face – shit, it’s me innit! Young old man bizzle. Fucking not even a CGI trip out! What the fuck going on? Where did that DMT all go? Feel cheated as didn't chat to God, must be cut with some fucking mad legal high shit too! Though, it's real hot, real sweaty. Think there's more sweat on the walls here than at the last club. I'm sure we're in different places with - wait up a fucking minute! Who was with me and where the fuck am I?

Ain’t it a fucker? Can't think who I came with, who the fuck sold me that fucking funky shit? Legal or illegal rave, I don't fucking care! I’ll do it all again later – wait and see! I'm a right zombie, still drooling everywhere, me eyes all bugging out. Amazed I ain't pissed me pants yet! Heads down for when moody security stroll by, or I sip me water. Wide-eyed and more wakeful. Bit more Slipmatt in the mix though.

Shit, I wish I could turn out tunes like that. Fucking mental. LionDub’s shit hot too! Him, Papa Gee and Jayline are always proper quality. Well under-rated. And Chopstick Dubplate, all those dudes - Aries and Gold Dubs really smash it up too; I suppose I shouldn't care, fuck it all, right? But I proper love it, proper wish I could blag a mad hit.

Feeling fucking old here, just a few cagey teens, more old 'un's left in the other club. The rest look like they might still be in full-time education. Fuck, I still got shitloads of pills left, I've already served up a shitload, where the other bag come from? I need to light me spliff again, but me fucking lighter’s fucked, won't spark!

A girl who looks like a cute pixie drag queen, all Jessie J style, says to me like right in me ear, Yeah dude, hey bro, you know Grooverider and IC3 are going to be on next door? They're doing a secret after-party set thing, she adds, smiling at me. One of those, I'm-secretly-kinky-smiles. Fuck me, she ain't bad I suppose if a bit on the ugly lesbo side, but I’ll fuck any munter, I’m a total minger too, so it all good. Me standards are consistently low!

She chats more to me in her little cutesy voice, which she probably does for every possible casual fuck she encounters. I can't really hear her too well, but I’m good at nodding. It sounded like Grooverider and IC3. Fucking heavy. I check her out a bit more, getting the evil horn. I feel her breath on me ear, smells of Benson and Hedges, Red Bull and Cherry Lollies. Even if she does look like a tranny, I still think I can get it on with her. I just hope I managed to keep it up and stop thinking of trannies!

I start to get that blurry slow motion vision you get when you spend the best part of the week getting totally fucked. Did five minutes or five hours just fly by? Let's go then, I say to the cute pixie Jessie J tranny bird. Just playing trance in here. Be different if Bunter, Uncle Dugs, Slipmatt were all going back-to-back, proper having it right out for the raver massive; but this room got that weird end of the rave feel.

I need to see this set next door - how rare you get to see Groove and IC3 having it out? I'm sure I didn't miss Hype. Fuck no way, I must be zoning out! Fucking power hour next door, sounds banging. I wondered where that sound was coming from. When I'm fucked I forget to wander around. The dealers always come to you anyway.

Yeah, Grooverider and IC3? I'll catch that, I say right in her cute Hobbit-imp ear. I nuzzle her tiny ear, as I'm slurring I lick her ear lobe; tastes of peaches and Radox. Can't resist hugging her and getting a good old feel. Skinny feels wicked, but curvy definitely real sweet too! Yeah, she's got tiny little cupcake tits, cherry nipples, a proper tight ass, like a couple of tasty burger baps. Something to jizz over. Might jizz over her jugs first, though! I get para if she cool for me to shoot a load up her kooch. How do I know if she on the pill? We all doing pills 'n' shit. For me it's strictly chemical romancing!

I can tell she's going to have a tight little pussy too. Makes me feel a right dirty old man, just like that Faithless tune! I got to be at least a decade older than her, so I know she ain’t thinking of taking me back to meet her folks! I look around the place: randoms flaking everywhere, ket-heads throw up and piss themselves against the walls, as coke-heads all get moody after pebble-dashing the bogs, they wanna get out of here to score better blow and probably to take another runny shit. Never get that shit on a quality E. You more likely to come up while taking a dump!

It don't bother me, we all getting proper fucked up. That's the thinking anyway, when you're proper mashed they know you might be broke anyway, so they might just leave you alone. I look at the chick and think if I know her name. I don't, she hasn't said her name to me, has she? She smiles at me, all bright white teeth shining at me. Like a fucking TV host. We're just grooving to some remix of something by Fluke, I think.

Maybe I'm zoning on me come down, riding the last of those good time vibes. All I smell: ganja, sweat and rancid shit farts. We start to dance a real slow fucked dance, slowly feeling each other, getting real emotional. Fucking wicked value, shit gotta be some PMMA in there with the 2C-B – yes yes, I think I'm coming up again! Gonna tuck into more 2C-P with the rest of that DMT I got later one. Trippy-tubby wig out: you fucking know it – I'm going to have the charcoal on standby! No sweet tea and rich tea help you out with these synthetic psychedelics and old organic ones, does no good for GHB too – it's the stomach pump for you fuckers if you get a bit careless with those drops! Can hear those wavy-vibey nutters cheer as Grooverider and IC3 must've come on next door.

I need the bog babe, she goes to me. Fucking typical, right? Just as I’m about to bop to the next room. Gives me an idea though!

=0

We go to the bog, cubicle sneak style; she takes a piss and she sucks me sweaty cock, really ramming it in her gob, like a tasty glory hole promo.

You know I'm a bit of a lesbian, she says to me coming up to chew me ear.

Oh right, I go, thinking to myself: Thank fuck for bisexual lesbians!

I say to her: I'm a Junglist! I'M A JUNGLIST! YEAAAAABOOOOYEEE!!!

She suddenly kisses me again, proper chewing me gums, catching me tongue. We tongue like kids having their first Frenchie, getting all slobbery’n’sloppy, tongue-job and it real gooey. I get the taste of me cock back. Lovely! Taste of sweaty cum- cheese licks.

She lowers her head again and starts nibbling at me foreskin. I get me cock and slap it across her cute pixie face, me pre-cum dripping all over her face. Weird, I thought I was going to shoot me load all over her, but those beans must be doing something real fucking screwy with me! Dig the creep-out, but I'll need some nose candy with a couple more dingers to stay on it for power hour!

Ain't even going there! Maybe it's the skunk? I don't know, do I? I can't remember if I done all those trips Custard gave me. I just love doing it! Fucking and moving, my life on paper may be totally shit, like unemployable loser dosser who can't DJ too good and makes shit tunes, is professionally a total epic fail but, I gotta say it, that I am really loving this, proper in me element. Makes fucking up all so worth it! Me cock should've exploded by now.

Babe, that's so sweet, I say like some blaxploitation bad-ass pimp motherfucker. King George styley, she won't get it anyway, she probably never heard of Shaft either. She laughs at me accent, don't ask why. I don't do Freddie's funny high-pitched stoner laugh out of Superfly, might freak her out! She's got to be no older than twenty, so she ain't going to like proper get it, is she?

She looks proper young, but we're getting real loved up. I get her out of her thin little hotpants and lace tight things. She takes off her Smiths Tee and I'm right on, she's got cute fairy cake tits for sure. I nibble at them like those little ready-made cupcakes. Proper fucking tasty!

She laughs again, as she takes off her little skidded thong and I ram me cock in her tight little pussy. She starts riding hard for a little lady, she mounting me like a proper jockey. Buffalo Bill, fucking ride on vibes! Watch her riiiidddeee!!! Need some cream, or like some kinda proper lube, as she's burning me cock off. I got to sit on the bog; I'm feeling me legs go numb, seize up, get the painful cramps. Too many dingers innit! But if I have any more water, I'm gonna vom loads! Somehow I keep pumping, her pussy grips me prick like a clam as I pound her harder, faster! Shit, her cunt proper tight; fucking wicked poon-vibeosphere! Thank fuck no fucker knocks on the door!

Yeah, she's squeezing me as good as the Grooverider set. Nice one tune selector, nice one pussy selector! Shit, the Rider must be really going for it as I hear The Warning pounding. IC3 on the mic, proper hyping the crowd up just the way IC3 can do it. Makes me keep on pounding her gooey little pop-tart pussy, feel like I'm sixteen again.

Deeper, darker, faster, danger, danger! LORD HAVE MERCY

MERCEEMERCEEMERCEEEE! I ain't shooting me load, I just want to fuck forever! I think I'm coming up again! Heart beating like a crazy fucker. Fuckin' A, fuck yeah! FUCK YEAH!

I could die this fucking high and be cool with it. I hate and love life in equal measures. Life, like all our societies, just some massive con trick anyway, but getting fucked up has to be worth it. When I die, going to miss music, getting high and fucking. And, I guess, some wicked comics and films and some of the fuckers I met and got to know on this crazy fucking world. Telling you, this some fucking wicked funky shit!

Wicked tunes, wicked pussy! Keep thinking of super-cool cream-pies, proper gooey bliss! I think