F**k Yeah!, Al Calm [ebook reader online .txt] 📗

I might be drooling.

 

Let's go then! she snaps.

 

Fuck, it's like that! I think thank fuck Romance got fist-fucked a long time ago. I love the easy shitty vibe of the 21st century, just makes things so much easier. More real, you know?

 

I get me slimy dick out and start swinging the half-stiffy in her direction.

 

She grabs me head and pushes me towards her sweaty cunt. I love that fishy-juice taste. Shame me teeth are a bit fucked. She tongues me dribbly cock after I've licked her pussy out and licked her arse, I don't mind tasting shit. It's not like I'm into all that but when you’re getting fucked, it's all worth it. Me taste buds are fucked anyway!

 

Where's your johnny? she says.

 

Shit, I got to think. What I going to say. She already knows the answer. No way! Don't go all NHS on me now, babe!

 

It's got a cloaking device I say, trying to make a joke. She probably don’t dig Krust either, so she don’t get me joke. I ain't buying a shitty rubber.

 

She shrugs, looking around. Then says, Oh, fuck it! Just get on with it!

 

I lick her out some more, twisting her fat tits too. Really pinching her giant nipples. Wanna see some squirtage, nipple and fanny juices ahoy! You can tell she's popped out some brats. She's taken off all her togs now, she's naked on top of the breakfast counter. I stick me cock into her real speedy and get real angry, as me cock’s proper swallowed up by her gigantic chasm of a cunt, so I feel the anger getting me pumped and rapid fuck her massive juicy cunt. Sticky slapslapslurp sounds like mad, me balls spanking against her arse. She don't seem to mind. Must be a session upstairs, as Deep Deadly Subs gets mixed into Hooligan 69. Oh yeah, fucking stick on Spliffhead next people!

 

I almost forget about her, Bungle's bird, I'm really getting into the vibes from upstairs. She's going to me Ooh, you dirty fucker, don't you fucking stop! Doing that breathless mouthing shit! Really sweet. She must be a regular on Pornhub! I'm loving it though but I think I'm going to cum real quick.

She smiles and says don't worry, it's cool. Shoot it then. No wonder Bungle Bob loves her, she's well alright. Hooligan 69 gets dropped in and I can really feel it, unless it's a proper tricksy mix. I’m buzzing like a bee in lovestuff heaven!

 

Go on then, cum in me then! she snaps. What a mongrel! Bow-wow-wow, I’ll be your dog, bitch!

 

I do as I'm told. Trying not to do me Bruce Campbell sex face, it's fucking tough. I shoot my load and start kissing her real tough, like I'm a zombie-chewing her mouth off. She's stuck her middle finger up me arse, really wedging it up there. Her chunky sovereign rubs against me crusty rim. I never been queered up by a bird before, but it feels wicked. Don’t make me a proper poof though, fuck all that. I pull me dribbly cock out of her juicy cunt. Fucking funky spunky shitty smells surround us, some real wicked vibes and a massive buzz to boot.

 

I don't know why I'm still feeling pretty horny, and not too tired. I look at me cock, it quivers, thinking about getting going again. Me heart pounds like I just ran the London Marathon like Usain Bolt. What a buzz, what a wicked way to snuff out too! Ain’t peak, ain’t standard, just fucking buzzing like a motherfucker! BUZZING! ZINGZINGZING! Fucking funky crime people! It turns me on, I'm a sick fucker, what can I say? We look at each other, her middle finger’s still up me arse. We start kissing like zombies again, real angry and powerful clinches. Me mouth's getting all sore and dried out, I think me lip’s bleeding. I can’t go down on her again, not with these sores on me lips now!

 

Gives me an idea though! I suddenly start to fist her like mad! Yeah, she's loving it, really twisting her middle finger up me arse a bit more. I think I'm going to shit everywhere and I'm sweating, even though I got me some real fishy fingers! She screams in pleasure or pain, she don’t want me to stop though, grabbing me hand to force further up her giant cunt. She pops her finger out of me butt and stuffs it up me nose, then in me gob. Tasty! She then wants to kiss me now, what a power clinch. What a fucking freak! I accidentally hock a huge gooey phlegm-ball in her mouth as we're doing the classic Frenchie. She don't even mind, what a lady! She must really want to fuck!

 

Gets me thinking about other shit. Odd gear I done; I'm hard again real quick right after shooting me load. Not burning up like with that PMMA shit. I start to fuck her again, me cock moving like some hot rod, I'm finding a riddim, going all slow this time. I got a idea I'll probably struggle to cum this time. Need to get me fist back into play, her cunt real tasty, but I'm going to need some lube. Nothing better than a cunt-splitter: no fucker likes it dry. Near the kitchen counter there's a small bottle of olive oil, I guess it'll do.

 

I slap it on, fucking sweeeeet! Fuck it stinging, it's soooo worth it. I might be dead tomorrow, who really knows or cares? I then start fucking her some more. My cock starts burning up, I think it's trying to talk to me. Not another dick chat again!

 

She huffs, after a few more minutes, maybe longer, I ain't going to lie, I got no sense of time no more. Fuck, she's getting the friction burn and a fishy smell really starts humming. Anyway, she tells me to fuck off. She's got to find her kids.

 

She picks up her clothes, real casual, then finds her mobile. I want to get the old cottage cheese in the fridge slapped on me dick to cool it off and fuck her some more. I look around for some meth and offer her some. She gums a bit then shakes her head, her mobile beeps, as she slurps the text up with those watery worry eyes.

 

She says to me, You know where me kid went to again? Kid with ginger looking hair? Called Callum?

 

I'm like lost for words, looking well blank. Me mind has blown and there's fuck all left worth remembering. Apart from some wicked tunes, you know the score with that right? I look around, I need some food. Shit, I can't remember, I can’t think for shit, I say to her. You know I can't get rid of this downer buzz, I need to find Bungle Bob.

 

Yeah, she says to me, let me know if you can think, I know it was a while ago. I've got to start getting things ready. Do you know what Bungle's up to?

 

I don't know, I tell her, I really don't know. I think that Bungle never tells me what he's doing unless he's got something lined up and he needs me to chip in. I reckon I need him, I’m running out of shit too.

I hear crying. I look by the stairs and I catch his bird all curled up, still sweaty and naked, hugging a teddy, her mobile, her clothes in a heap. I won't sneak a pic.

 

Can't think where I put me mobile anyway. She's crying, fucking proper crying herself to sleep. I feel like shit, and it real rare for me to feel like shit, like I always think of me. You go clubbing a lot, you think of you. It's always a big night, it's always the best line up, but in reality there's always another rave. The rave never dies, it's eternal. It will always go on. For me, I don't care. It's a way of life. I don't work around clubs really, not the big ones, but I ain't yet made that clean transition from Raver to DJ. It's a tricky one. Raving is life, you get me?

 

I listen to radio shows sometimes when I can remember to lock in though; I hear some of the stories. It's tough for me to think of other things. My memory proper shot to shit too! I think I need to get out this bum trip. I need to find Bungle Bob for her and he'll sort me out. First thing I got to do I'll track down the kid. No, I won't I'll get some food. I need to eat, I ain't ate in a couple of days. I'm going to shit pebbles for weeks. I always overdo the laxatives and I can't do fruits, me stomach won't have it; I can't stand them hot burning shits in me age! I don't know about getting some takeaway, got better things to piss money away on though.

 

I look at Bungle Bob's bird crying. Probably a bad time to ask her name! It's fucking with me buzz. I want to hug Bungle's bird, but I don't want to creep her out. Yeah, I'm well battered, I go into the kitchen and search for food. Yeah, fuck eating any cheese. I might slap it on me sore dick but I can't force that shit down. I think me dick is dribbling, it starts talking to me.

 

Why the fuck is me dick talking to me? I hope it's normal; I used to talk to me dick when I was a kid, that's cool right? Doesn't every bloke do it at some point? Not like it got a name, I ain't that sad. Being a right dribbleshit on me. It sounds like some kind of old jazzy blues man. A bit Bleeding Gums Murphy, a bit Rema-Dee. What a legend, rave vibes narrator and creator, a true old skool legend!

 

Hang on, I'm getting mashed. Me dick points up at me, I can see a tiny little face on me foreskin smiling like a tiny demon, as if it'd been pilling for days, like proper dinged dingered bennied beano'd up. I laugh and laugh, laughing so much it starts hurting. Tears everywhere, my eyes!

 

Me dick, the dribbley rotta, whispers to me, Hey man, whatcha doing there? You hear me, fucker?

 

I think I'm dreaming it all. I don't think I can handle me dick talking to me. Fuck crazy, dick tripping, it all getting proper unreal. I ain’t obsessed with me cock, so why it tripping on me? I rub my eyes till they get sore.

 

Munch vibes. The dribble rotta thinking of a different food, pussy juicing too. I need to eat, it’s been a week. I ain’t took a shit either. The bread on the side looks stale. I bite into the bread and it explodes in my mouth, fucking canes me teeth. Tastes like cotton-wool mixed with grit. Tastes well shitty, I can’t swallow it, like eating glass, Hobo with a Shotgun styley, but I hock it out in a big ball. I try another bit and it like barb wire or that wiry wool shit. Fuck, gonna gag and puke but I hold it in. the bread like a stale ball of gooey dust in me gob. Fuck, I need to eat. Like a good pro, I swallow it all up, burping. I look in a manky cupboard and I spot the bag of nuts.

 

That's one big mistake. Old cupboard, probably old nuts left over from Christmas. Secretly I'm crying out for a Bombay Bad Boy. I got some Potential Badboy vibes trapped in me mind, love Roadblock! Should drop some of Jungle Splash sets but I am bugging. Just makes me move and still need to eat, me stomach's trying to eat me inside out!

 

Can I find enough change for a kebab? I think about a McDonald's. It's cheaper than chips. Problem with fast food shit has to be shitting