somewhere on my way, Anna N. Schnieden [best summer reads TXT] 📗

not a good idea because I might have been someplace beyond recognition. Carpenters were more disciplined, however, workers were workers, their limitation of understanding of…everything was slim and, of course, they were tricky and drunken. But Mr. Lunatic and Ms. Conscience were talking all day…in my skull, so I was doing just a blue ribbon… such as…

 

“What the fuck are you doing? It’s 1:30 pm and you’re all supposed to be working!!!!! Sleepy…shit!” Me. Picking up a wood stick!!

 

A long stick…made of wood, which I turned on them. “You are all dead!” And I beat them. After that, I bought them…ice cream! Mr. Kind said it was brainless and I might have been dead soon, but I had Giant, he was 1.80 meters something tall and he

 

 

was…giant, black skin, skinhead…and he did not like to smile. It took me quite a while to unscare myself of death.

 

 

 

After a couple of years, I had 30 employees for my yelling along with their children and wives. Moreover, I had a unique employee, the brother. Did I tell you that life was full of surprises? It was an unexpected situation. I went to the mother’s house and got her some groceries, my new part-time job since I moved into my shared-rent home-office. It was a 5-minute drive to her place when traffic was wow, and 30 minutes when traffic was…fucked.

 

It was around 2:00 pm (the brother’s coke and popcorn moment), and I do not understand until this day what had gone wrong with Mr. Lunatic or me that day, it was hmmm…

 

“Can you please get the fuck up, and do something, so that your dick-head can have a hole to put in. Have you ever used it yet? I doubt it!” Me.

 

The consequence of my doll's head moment, there he was, in my office, changing place for coke and popcorn. Did I tell you sometime he came to work with his mammy? When the day was like that, I had become an employee and my employees had become a diehard. Therefore, I had to…authorizationally fire him by using FedEx. Well, they were unsoundly mad, but I was more psychopathic. The reason I fired him was uncomplicated, I did not want to deal with anything that was causing my forehead to wrinkle like a bulldog.

 

The business was going well and I was growing improvement of my insanity by meeting people through business and it was…idiosyncratic and delusional expertise… I loved it! In the schizophrenia way, they were causing laughter. For example, Mr. Pencil, who was an owner of a rubber factory, was an imaginable man. When I got a phone call from Ms. No Water I knew, it was a time for my freak show.

 

I was standing on one side of a standard swimming pool, which was 25 meters in length and known as the Short Course Meter or SCM Pool. I was looking at 2 gigantic

 

 

fishes from Africa. They were similar to sturgeon fish except for the faces, more like catfish and about 3 or 4 meters long. One was white and another was gray. I was thinking of a cartoon on television I saw once. The drawing of the cartoon was a big shark, mouth opened and showing bony enamel coated structures in its big jaw along with a young girl’s head…half in its mouth and her eyes were popping out…in a living room!

 

Moreover, he had 2 of the world’s smallest full-grown dogs and he wanted to build a new house with Disney’s princess castle inside for those dogs (a Canadian friend said once, little dogs are good for kicking) and, of course, a new fantastic pond for those fishes.

 

“Are you sure, you’re old enough for this job?” Mr. Pencil.

 

 

“Don’t worry, Sir. I’ve seen worse! But, thank you for your concern…Sir!!” Me. (Very nice of him to worry about me!!)

 

Ms. On Time, who hated to be late, the job was simple, build a house, in and out and breakfast parties at 5:00 am…in the morning. All that, it was absolutely never better for me until the late came…It was an 8:00 pm meeting at her new house, which was opposite the one she was living in. I reached there at 8:05 pm and I saw that she started walking toward me, as I did her. And when we reached each other, a public 1.2 million residents phone book flew its way and landing on my little poor feet along with Ms. On Time’s “Foot Dance.” When the job was finished, she wanted me to re-interior her offices. I had to say no because I was not sure what would have happened to me if I was there at 8:30 pm that evening. I genuinely thought it was my fault; she did not have to jump up and down like a little bitch could not have a candy if I had listened carefully…!

 

“Oh, thank God. You are here. No one wants to work here!” Ms. On Time.

 

 

Three years later, all businesses in Thailand had gone from another day in paradise to another day in a place regarded in various religions as a realm of evil and suffering. It was something to do with the US dollar being inflated and the effectuations

 

 

were…let’s just say…as funny as hell. The potency effect was called IMF (International Monetary Fund) increased an unimaginable cerebral cortex (the part of the brain that regulates most complex behaviours). Almost weekly, I heard the news of a businessman who jumped off some business building or car park building or a million-dollar condominium and even a hospital building!!! The other businessmen who did not want to look like fish in a can…they used the most famous killing machine, GUNS. And the killing took place at home, hotel, office, shopping center, supermarket, restaurant, and ice cream shop! I had to admit that I admired them, why not? If I wanted to jump off myself to where most people do not want to go, a hospital would have been a good place. I was thinking, “Hey, that was the good idea of an expressible intellect. Besides, the morgue was just right there. So…convenient…! “But, shoot myself in an ice cream shop??…Naaa, did not want to scare the kids.”

 

I was infected by IMF disease too. I had to make two settlements with my customers because their cheques came back as insufficient funds; of course, I let Mr. Lunatic do the jobs. Later, one of my customers whom I had a settlement with, was dead in a disco club… by his own gun. I thought, “Money could contaminate our organs huh. Better be careful what I want.” I did not want to die in a disco club. It is too noisy!

 

I was thinking of my employees and myself…everywhere there were the same problems. My crazy bosses were thinking the same thing too. Ms. No Water moved up north because her husband was a northerner and she opened a new company. Mr. Glass had become a professor in the north of the same city as Ms. No Water. Mr. Ok and Mr. Cute were still running their company, but only engineering.

 

A year later, after I had done the rest of my projects, I gave all the equipment to Giant and the extra money to all of my employees. They wanted me to wait, hoping the business would be better in a short time, but I told them, “It’s fucking serious, dude!! Use the money wisely.” Have you ever seen a giant cry? It was not easy for me either, they were bloody stupid, annoying, clumsy, and ate like pigs, but they were loyal people and they liked to work for me because I took them to…strip bars…occasionally.

Workers in my country are uneducated and they do what they are doing without any licenses, only with experience, and the older workers are better than the young. They lack discipline…like bloody teens, but I used King Arthur’s version to protect them!

 

 

 

 

I went to the north because Moonlight and Mr. Glass convinced me. So, there I was, uncertain of what to do next, but I had some money left over after everything…good for now! Mr. Glass got me a job that I had never…ever…thought about in my little bug’s head before.

 

“Ahhh…How am I gonna do that? I don’t have teaching experience and I positively don’t look like Yale or Oxford.” Me.

 

“Don’t be such an idiot. Freshmen are stupid. How hard would it be?” Professor Glass.

 

 

“I don’t have the master’s degree. To be like… you.” Me.

 

 

“Oh, Daddy’s right about you. Doll’s head you are. Talking to you makes me giddy. I put you in a drawing class for the freshmen and in art history for the second year.” Professor Glass.

 

“Oh…hell. Don’t tell me you’re gone…cuckoo. Art history? Are you trying to kill yourself…by using me? You know, right? My anomalous memory only lasts for a while. And I only took art history for 2 years because it was cheap to be my second major!

What am I going to say if students ask me something I don’t know? Or something that already dumped me long…ago.” Me.

 

“Well, for everything you don’t know the answer you say, “What do you think?” then “That’s your subject to look up…chick’s head.” Make yourself look like a genius- marketing ploy. Trust me, they don’t know. It works every time! Hey, you can do it. I would not worry if I were you!” Professor Glass.

 

“Thanks, boss…professor…That was a very…reassuring and intelligent idea for our next generation by putting their future into my hands!!” Me.

 

Apparently, Professor Glass knew the Big Man and I got a job! Everything was possible at the time when someone knew someone…Moonlight also convinced me to

 

 

take my head-less off my shoulder and study more English. All right then…no problem! English it was.

 

Up north, Chiang Mai is the largest city of the north, it used to be…noiseless, boobs-less, ass-less, less of tourists, the traffic was better than Bangkok City, and the weather was not hot like this day. In winter, flowers were out to say hi, farang tourists (“farang” is Thai terminology for everyone who looks like North Americans or Europeans) were turning themselves into alcoholics because the weather was right for drinking. It was a good place to sink down my ass: the mountains, the rivers, the waterfalls, the dancers and…the smoke on the water, so cool! If you want to know more about Chiang Mai City, please visit Mr. Google…he knows everything!

 

Moonlight and I bought a 670-square-foot apartment when she moved to Chiang Mai. I did not like it because of the noise, but it was close to the embassy where she worked. After 2 weeks, my Wernicke’s area had deprived the power of sensation, so I was looking for someplace soundless. Ms. No Water had a friend who had a small house on a mountain behind a university for rent. It was dreamily bloody cheap; the only problem was water. I had to buy water for cleaning my teeth, cooking, and drinking.

The actual water supply was from a large waterfall on the top of the mountain…someone might have pissed in it…you know! Moreover, the house included companies, birds, chickens, deer, and a python!!!!!…After I heard about the python, I told the owner, “Awesome,” and the next day, I moved in with no hesitation.

 

The house itself was half concrete, half wood, more like a cabin, literally mounted by its foundation into the mountain. It was a 2-storey house with teak wood furniture. Each floor had a room about 12 meters long and 7 meters in width. Outside the room on the second floor was a big balcony and a stairway, which was the only way to get to the second floor. The only difference between the 2 floors was the material, the first floor was concrete and the second floor was all woody. I changed my balcony to a waterproof balcony, so I could set a small kitchen under my balcony and lock the room, which I did not use, too lazy to clean it.

 

There were