Born Again, Alfred William Lawson [best e book reader .txt] 📗

I could talk for hours without embarrassment. During my first attempts at public speaking, few people would remain more than a moment or two to hear what I had to say, but with the increased force and power of speech, which I acquired with practice, my audiences grew larger and larger, until finally the streets were blockaded with their numbers at these meetings. Many of my hearers, both rich and poor alike, got into the habit of coming repeatedly to listen to these talks, and after a short time they would come to me one by one and request personal tutorage in the principles set forth. In fact, the number of these proselytes increased to such an extent, and their intentions were so earnest and serious, that it finally became necessary to engage a hall, where we might hold private meetings. It was in this way that there was finally organized the society for the propagation of the principles of Natural Law. Little by little the society gained in numerical strength, until I felt sure that the seed of this grand work had been planted in human soil for all time to come, and that its fruits would blossom forth in abundance as time passed by.

But while success appeared to be crowning my humble efforts in this direction, and the more progress I made in this propaganda, the more opposed to my methods Arletta became. She grew intensely antagonistic to my work, and tried in every way to have me discontinue it. She could not believe that all human beings were born to have equal rights and privileges in the world. She had been taught from infancy that there must always be a master and a servant, and that the Deity was responsible for the position held between them. She believed, as most good Christians do, that it is the Creator's will that some people are born in wealth and luxury, while others are born and bred in poverty and squalor. She repeatedly endeavored to persuade me to desist in the work I had undertaken and re-enter the Church as a good Christian member. My efforts to convert her as a believer in Natural Law were futile, and a great gulf seemed to be springing up and separating us from one another. I felt that I was placed in a very difficult position. On the one hand, I loved this beautiful young woman more than words can convey any idea of. She seemed to be a part of my life. I would have gladly suffered any pain or torture, if by so doing it would have afforded her one moment of pleasure. On the other hand, I had sworn most solemnly to the great Sagewoman that I would devote the remainder of my natural life to the dissemination of the principles in which she had instructed me. I often wondered at my strange predicament. Here I was being censured by the reincarnated soul of the great Sage-woman for carrying out the very work she taught me, and for fulfilling my promise to her.

The climax of this peculiar situation was reached one night at our meeting place in the park. Arletta had sent me an urgent despatch to come and see her without fail, and then she had stated that it was her intention to leave New York the next day on a protracted trip through Europe. She said she had come to bid me good-bye, and that it was to be good-bye forever, as she never intended to see me again. She appeared depressed and sad upon this occasion, and her eyes were filled with tears. In answer to my inquiry, as to her reason for leaving me in this way, she said that it was because she could not uphold me in my crusade against all recognized principles of religious beliefs.

She told me frankly that she loved me and that she cared nothing for any other man in the world except myself, but that she could not do otherwise than go away and forget me. She claimed that nothing further could come of our friendship as long as I continued an emissary of Natural Law; that her religion forbade it and her parents would oppose it; that her friends would be against it, and the whole world would sneer at it; and that to be placed in such a trying position was more than she could possibly bear. According to her, there was no good reason why I could not give up my undertaking, to please her. She had everything in the world to make me happy and was willing to give me anything within her power, if I would only relinquish my purpose and promise never to think of it again. She told me that she was wealthy, that she had millions in her own name, and that her father and uncles were multi-millionaires, to whose wealth she would be the sole heir. She said that if I would promise to quit the work I was engaged in, that she would give me her hand in marriage, and also deposit in the bank to my credit one million dollars on the following day as a dowry, with which I could do as I pleased. She was serious and, apparently in earnest, and I did not doubt one word of what she said as being the truth. So I was placed in the position of choosing between great wealth, the woman I loved, and all other earthly pleasures on the one hand, and a duty which I had solemnly sworn to perform, on the other. It was a trying situation, to say the least. With bowed head I sat and considered all phases of the matter, with much earnestness and equal indecision. To think that Arletta would leave me forever was to feel that my heart was being torn from its fastenings. To have her as my wife, this alone seemed to be the very greatest happiness that life could afford, and mayhap, the promise of a million dollars was not without its allurement. A position in the very best society of the country also loomed before my vision, as I considered these things. On the other hand, if I refused, I could look forward to a life of poverty, hard work, and the abuse of my fellow beings. The temptation was a trying one, and it seemed impossible for me to refuse Arletta's offering. As I raised my head and looked into her beautiful eyes, which expressed great love, and tenderness, and expectation, I felt that I could not say no to her. It seemed as if I had been placed between honor and temptation, and was about to fall into the arms of the latter. I hesitated a moment, undecided as to what to do, when something within me distinctly said: "Be a man. Give up all earthly pleasures during this life and teach Natural Law, according to your promise." Then once again the wise words of the great Sagewoman passed through my mind:

"Always consult your soul for advice.

"Do no act your conscience will not sanction."

Instantly arising and feeling that I should follow the advice of my soul above all other considerations, I determined to do that which was right. I concluded that to lose Arletta, and all the pleasures incidental to a life with her, was but a temporary loss, but the opportunity of setting a great example to my fellow beings, a precedent that would have lasting influence, might never arrive again, and that it was my solemn duty to seize this chance while I had the power to do so. So, standing erect and without further hesitation, I took Arletta's hand in mine and said: "My dear girl, to lose you will cause me much suffering and pain, so much that it would be impossible for you to form any conception of it. To lose you is to deprive me of all that is dear and sweet in this life. To permit you to go without acceding to your wishes taxes my strength to the utmost limit, but believe me, the life of one little human being is of short duration in the immense sea of time, and while I am giving up the delight and pleasure of your companionship now, I am doing so in order that I may lend my feeble efforts toward the establishment of a social system whereby the conditions of this world will be made such that at some future date our souls may be able to join each other in peace and harmony and enjoy the blessings of a heavenly world, free from money, which I hope will eventually be the result of my present labors. Therefore, in acting contrary to your wishes now, I feel that I am working for your future happiness. I shall remain at my present post of duty, trying to uplift mankind, I shall follow the dictates of my conscience in doing this, and as long as the bones of my little anatomy hold together as a living being and my brain has the power to reason, I shall teach the principles of Natural Law even if all the world follows your example and turns against me."

At the conclusion of this little speech my emotion overcame me and I could say no more. Arletta also appeared overcome with sadness, and was unable to speak. She withdrew her hand from mine and without a word turned and walked slowly away, sobbing bitterly as she left. I stood and watched her retreating form in a dazed sort of a way. With each step which put us farther apart, increasing darkness obscured my vision. I wanted to call her back but a lump came in my throat and I could not speak. My brain was in a whirl. A terrible feeling of gloom over- shadowed me. I labored under great excitement. My head seemed as if it were ready to burst. I felt that I was going mad. The trees and everything else appeared to be moving about in great confusion. Those same symptoms which I experienced after falling among the rocks of Sageland returned. My body seemed to be dividing into several parts and then becoming one again. I tried to control myself but without avail. All of a sudden I saw standing before me two Arlettas, one at the right hand and the other at the left. The one at the right I instantly recognized as the great Sagewoman, while on the left stood the girl Arletta. They were facing and pointing in opposite directions. Looking to my right I saw a path running up a steep hill which seemed almost impossible to climb and upon which was inscribed the word strength. To my left I observed a path running down the hill upon which was written the word weakness. At the top of the hill everything looked bright and cheerful and orderly, while at the bottom darkness and confusion prevailed. Above the extreme top, as though stamped in space like a great rainbow, these words appeared: Natural Law, Wisdom, Love for Others. At the bottom, and almost obscured in the gloom, I faintly discerned the following: Religion, Ignorance, Love of Self.

As I stood speechless at this wonderful vision everything suddenly became dark and I knew no more.

CHAPTER XXXII

The next impression my memory has any record of was a huge ocean steamer, floating away upon the deep. Great volumes of smoke were pouring forth from its smoke-stacks as it majestically glided over the water. Upon its many decks were hundreds of human beings, scattered about in little groups, gaily chatting and enjoying to the fullest extent the delight experienced by an ocean voyage. Among all of the happy faces, however, there was one that appeared sad and forlorn. It was the face of a beautiful young woman, standing alone against the railing of the promenade deck, who was weeping in silence. As she