The Electric Man<br />Being the One Act Version of the Three Act Farcical Comedy of the Same Name, Charles Hannan [elon musk reading list .txt] 📗

(Immediately on his exit a loud smashing in china clipboard, then the door flies into splinters and is knocked down, and Automaton enters quickly, hurries right round C., and into bedroom after Walter.)

Walter (within, as loud noise in bedroom). Hi! stop!

Automaton (within). Yow-yow.

Walter (rushing in, dressed in black coat). By Jove! what an escape!

(Jack, carrying blanket of green flannel or red, enters with Stella, who has gag and handcuffs—enter D. in F.)

(Walter makes signs to them, pointing to bedroom and beckoning them to follow him there.)

Jack. Is that it?

Stella. Yes, yes, Jack, yes!

(Jack throws blanket over Walter, and they get him on chair C.)

Jack. Hurrah! we’ve got him now! (Business: secure him with rope round his legs and gag, then take blanket off.) (Walter, gagged, groans.) No more climbing tall chimney stacks! (Walter groans.)

Stella. Is it in pain?

Jack. Of course not.

Stella. It groans so!

Jack. Rather mad at being caught.

Stella. Is it wax-work?

Jack. More like indiarubber. I suppose you do see the difference this time?

Stella. Rather.

Jack. That’s not flesh and blood. (Pulling its nose.)

[Pg 23]Stella. It seems to want to explain something.

Jack. It will never get the chance of that. (Lighting a candle from mantel R.)

Stella. Poor thing! are you tired of living? (Groan.)

Jack. How can it answer you?

Stella. I believe it could if you took the gag out of its mouth.

Jack. Hold the candle under its nose. (Groan.)

Stella. No, no, no! (Jack puts candle on table.)

Jack (with pin from waistcoat). I want to see what it will do when I stick this pin in it. (Groan.)

Stella. No, no!

Jack. In its leg, you can nip its arms and legs. (Does so—groan.)

Stella. It doesn’t seem to like being nipped.

Jack. In the interests of science I’m going to bleed it. (Loud groans.) Give me a carving knife. (Groans.)

(Mrs. Anderson has entered and come down—sees Walter, screams. They start.)

Mrs. Anderson. The gent I does for came down the other stair from the bedroom (pointing L.) and is in the kitchen premises at this here identical period of time.

Jack. What! Is he?

Mrs. Anderson. Here have I been a-doing for two twins at the price of one.

Jack (bustles Mrs. Anderson to D. in F.). Send Mr. Everest up at once! (Exit Mrs. Anderson.)

Jack. Now to make an end of this fiend!

(Walter, who has been watching them as well as he could, now pretends to be dead.)

Hullo! I don’t think I’ll want any instruments, it’s passing away! (Business.) Not breathing! (Looks at watch.) It’s eyes are closed. Oh! it’s run down. I believe we’d be quite safe to unbind it. Just help me with this rope. Let it pass away quietly on the[Pg 24] sofa. There is something pathetic even in the death of a doll.

(They unbind Walter and raise him, he opens his eyes and bounds upon Jack—commotion.)

Confound it, it’s living again!

(Stella runs in room R., Jack runs in room L.)

Walter (as Jack looks in L., and Stella looks in R.). I say! (They at once withdraw.) Jack! Stella! (Heads appear again.) I say! Jack! (Heads disappear.) Come out, you bounder! (Heads appear.) Why are you making such idiots of yourselves?

Jack (coming in). Who are you?

Walter. Walter Everest.

Jack. The other fellow said that.

Walter. I am the other fellow.

Jack. Then I’ve let the automaton escape!

Walter. Escape?

Jack. It must be in the kitchen now!

Walter. I have a particularly heavy poker in my room, I’ll just fetch it.

Jack. And then?

Walter. We’ll see what then! (Has gone into bedroom L.)

Jack. This is a nice muddle! What asses we’ve been!

Stella. Yes, haven’t we?

Jack. By Jove! we have.

(Automaton comes in D. in F., followed by Mrs. Anderson with a telegram—they both go quickly into drawing-room R.)

Mrs. Anderson (calling as she goes). Telegrapheram, Mr. Everest, sir!

Stella (down L. with Jack points up to them as they go out). Jack! look!

(Piano is smashed off R.)

Oh, what’s that?

[Pg 25]Jack. That’s the piano! (Glass is smashed off R.) That’s the three gold-fish in the bowl!

(Walter with poker enters L.)

Mrs. Anderson (off). Oh, help! (She rushes in from R. in a fainting condition and gasps.) Mr. Everest have fell out of the window into the street!

Walter. Mrs. Anderson, I am here.

(She gives a loud yell of fright in his face and rushes into bedroom L. Stella hastens after her.)

Walter. There’s going to be no mistake this time, I’m going after it myself. (Exit D. in F.)

(Jobbins enters D. in F., his hat bashed, a black eye, and one arm in a sling. He is in a miserable condition.)

Jack. Great goodness! Jobbins!

Jobbins. What’s left of him, sir!

Automaton (off at back). Yow-yow.

Jobbins (on his knees clings to Jack). I calls on you to protect me!

Jack. We must search this house from top to toe. You chase up, I’ll chase down. And if we don’t find him, meet here.

Jobbins. I’ll do that (they go up), meet here!

(Exeunt.)

Stella (looks in L.). Jack, she’s getting better—Jack! where are you? (Goes in again.)

(Jobbins enters D. in F., comes down, saying:)

Jobbins. Missed him! (Sits L. of R. table). I’ll just make out my little bill.

(As he is doing this, Automaton enters D. in F., comes down and has a spasm with his hands, knocking off Jobbins’ hat. Jobbins with a loud yell rushes out D. in F. Automaton knocks furniture about, etc., and goes into china cupboard. (He may throw a chair out of window first.) Stella comes in L. to see his final[Pg 26] exit. She then goes up, looks into china cupboard after him—then comes downstage, calling in fright:)

Stella. Help! Help! Help!

(Jack and Jobbins bring Walter on between them D. in F., and bring him down C., and Mrs. Anderson enters L.)

Walter. Let me go, let me go, I say!

Stella. Jack, you’ve got the wrong man!

(They release him.)

Mrs. Anderson. There’s a telegrapheram, sir; is it for you or your twin?

Jack (snatches it and reads). From Mrs. Everest—“Potterfield fell out of his dogcart and broke his leg. The wedding is postponed.”

Stella. Postponed!

Jack. Congratulate you, old chap (shaking hands). Your fortune’s safe.

(Noise off and lights down as:)

Walter. Hush, hush! all of you. It’s coming out to die!

(Stella hides on floor front of sofa L. Mrs. Anderson hides on knees front of table R. Jobbins stands by clock against wall up L. Jack sets cupboard door open with chair against it and then goes and stands in recess to R., side of same, and Walter goes off to hide behind the curtain of recess L., side where there is a secret exit, so that he at once comes on as Automaton from the china cupboard.)

(A man’s hand holds out the curtain behind which Walter is supposed to be hiding. Dying scene for Automaton. Jerky business, frightens Jobbins who crouches back from it, then goes C., stoops and grows faint, has a spasm of strength and hurries to table R., frightening Mrs. Anderson, who gets under table. It then leans dying against table, then has a[Pg 27] fresh spasm, hurrying across to Stella, who lies away from it on floor to avoid it.)

(Then up to cupboard door, which Jack set open with a chair. Automaton dies with back to inside of door, pushing the chair clear of it in his spasm, business, finally shutting himself in as he collapses by letting the door close after him.)

(Red limes changing to green through above, and dark floats.)

(Lights up—all rise.)

Stella (cries). Walter! (Music of “Caressante.”)

(Walter comes out from behind curtain L. and down to Stella C., takes her in his arms.)

Walter. It’s Walter this time, and if you want proof, open the cupboard and you’ll find all that remains of

THE ELECTRIC MAN.

Curtain.

Charles Hannan’s one act plays, “The Setting of the Sun,” “The New Groom,” “Richard Wye,” “The Gipsy,” “A Fragment,” “The Clock,” “The Lily of the Field,” may also be obtained from Messrs. Samuel French, Ltd.

BUTLER & TANNER

THE SELWOOD PRINTING
WORKS �� FROME ��

TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE:

Obvious typographical errors have been corrected.

End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Electric Man, by Charles Hannan