Mother's Remedies, Thomas Jefferson Ritter [reading well .TXT] 📗

ETIQUETTE OF BALLS.

"Dinner dances" have largely taken the place of balls, the latter having seemingly passed into the hands of clubs and assemblies or being known as "subscription dances." One must have a very large house, with ball-room, to give a ball successfully, so it is customary to engage private apartments at some fashionable restaurant or hotel, where there are accommodations for such an affair.

Invitations are formal, and of course engraved. If a debutante is to be presented her card may or may not be, but usually is, enclosed with the invitation. The patronesses of a subscription dance are entitled to invitations which they send to their friends, enclosing their card. The word "ball" never appears on an invitation; its nature is indicated by "Cotillion," the fashionable name for what was called "the German." The hostess or hostesses stand near the entrance to the ball-room, and should see that the guests receive a fair amount of attention. The supper is provided by a caterer, of course. Two orchestras, playing alternately, provide music; they are screened behind palms and other plants. Balls generally begin about eleven o'clock, the hour named on the cards being half after ten, and everybody waiting in the hope that someone else may arrive earlier. General dancing is in order until supper is served; afterwards the cotillion is danced.

At the dinner dance, the cotillion is preceded by a dinner, given by the hostess at her own house, or by several hostesses at some restaurant, where each presides over a table. Dinner and subscription dances are much favored by the younger set, as the hostesses act in the capacity of chaperons, and the company is gayer.

To bid one's hostess good night—or good morning—and express one's pleasure in her entertainment is obligatory.

[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 723] GARDEN PARTIES.

Jupiter Pluvius apparently has a grouch against garden-parties, so often does he shake his sieve with deliberate intent to spoil the affair, which is after all, merely afternoon tea out of doors. The hostess anxiously consults "the probabilities" as to weather, and if storm threatens must hastily convert her garden fete into an in-door function. If blessed with a bright day, a garden party is a pretty affair. The women wear beautiful light gowns, en train by preference, and their flower-laden hats and gay parasols contribute to the charm of the scene.

The garden-party is the special prerogative of the out-of-town hostess. She has the lawn and the trees without which a party of this character cannot be undertaken. Invitations may be formal, or the hostess may use her card with the hour and the date and "Garden Party" written in the lower left hand corner. If guests from a distance are expected to arrive by train or trolley they must be notified of the train or car which will be met by carriages or automobiles she provides.

The hostess receives on the lawn, and hats are retained. Games, like lawn tennis, archery, croquet, should be provided. Guests wander about and entertain each other, and seek the refreshment tables when so inclined. The supper may be served under a tent or in the house. Seats are provided, and rugs spread on the grass. No matter if the weather is unfavorable the guests are expected to present themselves, as the hostess will quickly transform her out-door fete into an in-door affair in case of rain.

Refreshments.—A hostess is not expected to use her best china and linen at a garden party. She should have an ample supply of napkins, plates, cups and silver, but the expense of hiring them from a caterer is offset by the danger of breakage and loss.

She may serve salads, sandwiches, cakes, ices and ice creams, fruit, and claret cup; or sandwiches, cakes, ice cream and lemonade and fruit punch. Hot tea should be provided for those who prefer it, especially if rain drives the guests in-doors. The young matrons are invited to pour it. The maids should remove soiled dishes and napkins promptly, and keep the tables looking fresh. Music is usually provided.

AT SMALL ENTERTAINMENTS.

Many small, informal entertainments are more enjoyable than those larger affairs given for the purpose of paying off social debts. Good will and jollity prevail, and people "go in for a good time."

[724 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]

Card Parties.—The most stringent rule of etiquette at a card-party is to be punctual, that the tables may be filled up in good season. The second rule is to keep good-natured, even if your partner fails to return your lead or trumps your ace. Some people make themselves very disagreeable over cards, and are avoided as partners. If unfortunate enough to be paired off with such a person, at least control your own annoyance.

Never descend to the meanness of telegraphing information, hinting at your preferences in the way of trumps, overlooking a neighbor's hand, or taking any unfair advantage. A prize thus won is no honor. Nor do such violations of good breeding pass unnoticed.

At the Party.—If one accepts an invitation to a card party she is supposed to have sufficient proficiency to play the game proposed with some degree of credit; otherwise she should promptly send regrets. Invitations may be formal or informal, or the hostess may send her card with "Bridge, at half after two o'clock," or "Euchre," or "Five Hundred," written upon it. Replies are to be sent at once. Many such invitations are given by telephone. The guests are assigned to tables by the hostess, the names being written at the top of the scorecards. Two packs of cards are on each table, and small pencils attached to the score-cards. Playing begins when all are present. Or the hostess may fill the tables as the guests arrive, begin playing at the stated time, and assign late comers to places as they come in. Hats are kept on at an afternoon card-party. The usual limit for playing is two hours. The "progressive" fashion requires the providing of two prizes, the first prize and a consolation prize for the person having the lowest score. If prizes are given at each table they should be duplicates. These prizes are wrapped up in tissue paper and tied with ribbons, and are to be opened at once, displayed, and the hostess cordially thanked. It is not good form to be ostentatiously generous in the matter of prizes, nor should guests show themselves too eager to win.

It is customary to engage card tables and chairs for such an entertainment. The refreshments are served on these tables. Punch is sometimes served while the game is in progress.

Very often the hostess invites some of her friends who do not play cards to come in for refreshments at half after four or five o'clock.

Refreshments should not be too elaborate for either afternoon or evening card-parties. Sandwiches, coffee, and small cakes, or ices and cake, for the afternoon; salad of some kind with coffee, olives, and some sweet or fancy wafer, for evening. Men enjoy an oyster stew served hot in the dining room.

[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 725] YOUNG GIRLS' PARTIES.

Until a girl is formally launched in society, her parties are of the simplest and most informal kind. She will invite a few friends to tea, or to a card-party, giving informal invitations and confining them to her school friends and most intimate acquaintances. Games, music, and the like are the usual amusements. Properly chaperoned, she may give a small theater party.

Birthday Party.—The largest of her social functions will probably be her birthday party. For this, her birthday flower will be chosen for decorations. Her young friends may give her little presents. Once in a season she may be invited to a small dance given for some schoolmate. This she will attend, prettily and simply gowned, and properly chaperoned. On no account will she go alone in a carriage, or with a young man alone. If she is a well bred girl she will not pique herself in dancing every dance, nor "split the dances" into fragments to please those who wish to dance with her. She will be careful not to romp nor laugh too loud; nor to permit herself to be held too closely in dancing, nor be served too often with punch.

"STAG" DINNERS.

The woman who wishes to give her husband a birthday party or anniversary will not go amiss if she makes it a "stag dinner"—that is, a dinner for men only.

To this she invites as many of his men friends as she can accommodate, and provides a good, substantial meal, without any "frills." It need not be elaborate if everything is good of its kind, well cooked and served hot. The menu may include oysters, roast fowl, two vegetables, several relishes, and an entree, with some simple dessert and good coffee. She will also see to it that the cigars are of the proper excellence. It is optional whether she sits at the table till the coffee and cigars are served, or stays in the kitchen to superintend the serving. Red is the most appropriate color for decorations, since a man's ideas of color are usually rather crude. Men always enjoy a dinner of this kind. The evening may conclude with cards.

A stag card-party sometimes takes the place of a dinner; it is followed by a substantial supper.

THE MUSICAL AND INFORMAL TEA.

At a musical, guests are seated, the hostess remaining near the door to welcome late arrivals. If these arrive while a selection is in progress, they stand till it is finished, then find seats. Guests do not leave their seats during the intermission, but converse with those in the vicinity. Refreshments are always served. Hats are removed.

For a very informal tea the hostess sends her card with the date and hour written across the lower corner. If a friend is staying with her, she may write "to meet Mrs. A." at the top. She will offer a cup of tea and cakes or wafers to each comer, or may ask some friend to do so for her, leaving her free to mingle with her visitors. Simplicity and informality characterize this form of receiving friends.

[726 MOTHERS' REMEDIES] ETIQUETTE FOR CHILDREN.

"The future destiny of the child is always the work of the mother."
—Bonaparte.

Children reflect the manners of their homes. As they learn to talk after the fashion of their parents' speech, so they learn to be polite by example, aided by training, and in both cases the habit of youth persists in greater or less degree all through life.

To train children properly requires patience and persistence, but to have polite children, and to feel that they know what to do and how to do it when they begin to go out, is certainly a great source of satisfaction to a mother, on whom the burden of training falls.

The secret of success is beginning early. Before the baby is three years old he should be in process of training. When he comes into the use of spoon, knife and fork, he should be taught how to hold these properly, and how to feed himself. He should never be permitted to play with his food; out of that baby habit comes the later playing with crumbs, holding the fork in the hand when not eating, drinking tea from a spoon, and other little gaucheries resorted to in embarrassment or preoccupation. It is not necessary to wait until a child is ten or twelve years old before teaching him not to interrupt a conversation, and to make his wants known quietly and without iteration, nor yet that your yea means yea, and your nay, nay.

First Lessons.—The mother's first lesson is usually in regard to taking off his hat or cap. Teach him to remove this as soon as he enters the house, as soon as he begins to go out of doors alone, and the habit will become life-long. It is very charming to see a child of either sex rise to open the door for a visitor, or stand while she talks to him. One often sees boys of seven, nine and eleven years of age occupying the seats in a car while the ladies stand. No mother should permit this.

Whether a child should say "father" and "mother," or use the more babyish form of "papa" and "mama" is a matter of parental choice, but the preference in some circles is for the former. A blunt "yes" or "no" is not thought polite from a child; he should say "yes, father," "no, mama," "yes, Mrs. Smith." "Ma'am" as a form of address is quite obsolete.

Most parents make the mistake of believing their children as absorbingly interesting to