Mother's Remedies, Thomas Jefferson Ritter [reading well .TXT] 📗

other people as they are to them, and bring them forward so prominently that they become tiresome. A good rule is for the mother to allow children to greet the visitor and then send them away to their play. The spectacle of a little child primly seated on a chair and "taking in" the conversation with eyes and ears is not wholly edifying; while to allow a child to hang on a visitor or monopolize the attention makes the youngster a nuisance. MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 727 CHILDREN'S PARTIES.

There is nothing children love better than a party. It takes so little to make them happy that the exertion is well repaid by their pleasure. A few games, a light supper, an inexpensive souvenir, and they have had "a perfectly splendid time."

For children from five to twelve, the best hours for a party are from three to half past five. This gives time for all to return home by six o'clock. Few mothers wish to have their children out evenings at that age. Where the children are old enough they should write their own invitations. They should receive their guests themselves, the mother standing in the background to see that they do it properly and to second their welcome. The little host or hostess should early learn the lesson that she must study the pleasure of her guests, not her own, and be taught the courtesies required of her.

Games.—The first thing is the games, which are suitable to the children's age. Little ones play romping games, like "Cat and Mouse," "London Bridge," etc.; those a little older enjoy a peanut hunt or a peanut race, or supplying the donkey with a caudal appendage. Many novel games are possible. Or the children may be asked to a doll's party, or an animal party. To the one they bring their favorite doll; to the other their teddy bears and cotton elephants.

Supper.—The supper should be simple. Sandwiches, cocoa, jellies, and fancy cookies not too rich. After the supper they may dance "Sir Roger de Coverley," or some simple form all know, and then little souvenirs may be distributed in a way that leads to a hunt. Notes are written and put in a bag; each child takes one; the note directs where to look. All rush pell mell to that spot. There they find directions to look somewhere else, and finally each gets a little card or a note directing a search at some particular place, say in a basket in the hall or in the dining room, where each finds and unwraps a little gift. Or a large paper sack filled with wrapped bonbons is hung between folding doors, each child blindfolded in turn, given a cane and instructed to hit the sack if he can. Presently the paper is broken and the youngsters scramble for the contents. Each little guest should thank the giver of the party and the mother for the pleasure enjoyed. The little host or hostess should stand where they can make their adieus, for it is no longer proper to "take French leave" on any occasion except "a crush."

Games for Older Children.—Older children enjoy a peanut hunt, or a spider party where they follow a twine through a labyrinth of loopings and find a small prize at the end, or a book party, where each guest represents the title of some book. Thus Ouida's "Under Two Flags" could be very easily represented. Young folks always enjoy "dressing up," and any hostess can either find directions for some form of fancy dress, or invent something new for herself. St. Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, May Day, the Fourth of July, Hallowe'en, have their traditional decorations, and games, and suggest their own refreshments. Elaborate refreshments have rather gone out of style.

[728 MOTHERS' REMEDIES] CONCERNING ENGAGEMENTS.

A marriage engagement is one of the most serious contracts into which young people can enter, second only to actual marriage. It is not to be lightly entered upon. It is no credit to a girl to have been several times affianced; indeed, it almost invariably occasions unfavorable comment. There may be reasons for breaking one engagement, but when it comes to the second, Mrs. Grundy makes remarks, and is inclined to blame the girl, either for too great haste to wed, or for being fickle and capricious,

A girl should be very sure of herself before she gives her promise. She must respect the man, and have faith and confidence in him, and not permit herself to be carried away by considerations of wealth and position. If there is anything about him she dislikes, she may be sure dislike will become aversion after marriage, unless she has a genuine affection for him.

Parental Wishes.—She should not engage herself without consulting her parents. Where can she find better advice than from those who have cared for her so long and faithfully? Where there is parental disapproval, a girl should show her respect for her parents' opinion by avoiding a hasty decision. Men know men much better than women can ever know them; and the opposition of a father or older brother should have due consideration.

In these days and in this country, young women take their matrimonial affairs into their own hands. "In the good old times" the young man asked the consent of the girl's parents before he was sure of her sentiments toward him; he asked permission to woo, and if in his eagerness he forestalled the etiquette of the occasion she modestly referred him to her parents, first indicating her consent would accompany theirs. In the twentieth century the young people too often settle the matter between themselves, and announce their intentions to wed quite regardless of their parents' sentiments on the subject. So many youthful attachments are really youthful follies that the girl who submits her wishes to her parents' counsel often has reason to consider herself fortunate. Girls, however, almost invariably regard parental opposition as unreasonable; actually it is often founded on a better understanding of their temperaments and the character of the young men in the case than they imagine—or in many cases can be made to see.

A manly man will approach the father of the girl he wishes to make his wife, state his prospects, and ask the father's consent. If withheld, he will not urge the girl into a hasty marriage, but will wait until the opposition has diminished. In case this does not happen, the girl has at least had an opportunity to learn her own mind. Many who have married against their parents' wishes have lived happily; it must be admitted that others have not. Delay, at least, gives time for reason to outweigh romance.

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It is especially awkward for the girl if the parents of her fiance do not approve his choice. In such case she should give ample time for their disapproval to have whatever effect it may on the young man's feelings towards her. Some girls refuse to enter a man's family unless made welcome.

No girl should engage herself to a man she has known but a short time; certainly not without searching inquiry into his reputation in his former place of residence. No man can reasonably object to such inquiries; indeed, he should welcome them; invite them by furnishing credentials. No matter how violently in love a girl may be, she should not throw prudence and discretion to the winds.

ANNOUNCEMENT OF ENGAGEMENTS.

An engagement may be announced soon after it is entered upon, or not until several weeks before the marriage. Usually the engagement is known to the two families some time in advance of the later formal announcement. This is to save the girl embarrassment in case it is broken off. Should this happen, the young man takes the blame upon himself, declaring the young lady discarded him. Only an out-and-out cad would intimate to anyone that he "threw her over."

The announcement of the engagement comes through the girl's family; the man waits until it is their pleasure to make it known. The usual way is for the girl and her mother to write notes to relatives and close friends. The man, of course, will know when this is done, and may send notes to his relatives and friends, or acquaint them by word of mouth, at the same date. No special form is employed for such notes; they are always informal and familiar.

How Disclosed.—Sometimes a girl announces her engagement to her most intimate girl friends at a small tea or luncheon her mother or some relative gives for her. In this case the decorations are suggestive. Heart-shaped place cards, decorated with the entwined initials of the two parties; pink flowers, banked in heart-shape and pierced with silver arrows, for a centerpiece, and sandwiches and cakes in heart shape, the latter decorated in pink, are often used. At each plate may be a small cluster of pink carnations, tied with narrow ribbons, one end connecting with an arrow in the centerpiece. When these are drawn out some appropriate sentiment is found attached, which is read aloud by the guest.

Any novel form may be employed in communicating the joyous intelligence. Midway the repast some friend previously selected for the honor may propose a health to the two who are betrothed; someone may ask a moment's indulgence while she reads an interesting paragraph from a letter, or a mock telegram may be delivered. Congratulations are in order; sometimes the fiance has been held in reserve, and is brought in to share with his fiancee the good wishes of her friends.

730 MOTHERS' REMEDIES

All who receive notes are expected to call in person or send letters of congratulation. Flowers are often sent, and dinners, theater parties, and other entertainments given for the young couple. Engagement gifts are often given; china being a favorite choice, though any gift is in order.

After the Announcement.—Immediately upon the announcement of the engagement the parents of the young man call upon his fiancee and her mother, whether previously acquainted or not. His family takes the initiative in the exchange of hospitality which follows. Calls are to be returned within a week. In case the man's family live at a distance, the members should at once write cordial, kindly letters to the girl, to which she must reply within a few days. She should not "gush" but should show her desire to know them, and a cordial and friendly feeling. The prospective mother-in-law may invite the girl to visit her. She should remember that no matter how welcome the alliance she is under inspection, as it were, and do her best, through courtesy and tact and friendliness to create a favorable impression.

The Girl's Behavior.—The engagement ring is not worn until the engagement is announced. If the young man's means permit, it is usually as handsome a diamond solitaire as he can afford. No womanly girl would wish her fiance to go in debt to purchase her ring. Should it be less handsome than she had hoped or expected, she should not give the slightest evidence of disappointment. That would seem mercenary and grasping. Nevertheless, a girl does doubtless get much more joy out of her engagement ring than she does out of her wedding ring.

Though a girl may receive from her affianced gifts of jewelry, silver, etc., as well as the bonbons, books and flowers she was privileged to accept before her engagement, it is not in good taste for him to offer any article of wearing apparel to her. He is not to buy clothes for her until after their marriage. Nothing that cannot be returned to him uninjured in case the engagement is broken is really correct for her to receive.

She will naturally receive many notes, letters, etc., from her fiance, especially if he is called out of town often, or resides in another city. The inexperienced, very-much-in-love girl is quite likely to write very ardent and affectionate letters. Leave that to the man. If she knows her Thackeray she will remember the rose-colored billet-doux poor Amelia used to write to her George, and which lay unopened day after day, and will model her missives upon the style of Lucy Snowe's to the Professor—"a morsel of ice, flavored with ever so slight a zest of sweetness." Let her make them bright, chatty, kindly, but not too tender.

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Length of Engagement.—As for the length of an engagement, it is often argued that if one has made a mistake, it is much better to find it out before marriage than after. A prolonged