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Play It With Others,  And When He Is

In Cash You May Depend On A Restoration; The Law Will Be Always In

Your Power,  And That Is The Last Remedy Which A Brave Or A Wise

Man Would Resort To. Leave The Affair Therefore To Me; I Will

Examine Bagshot,  And,  If I Find He Hath Played You This Trick,  I

Will Engage My Own Honour You Shall In The End Be No Loser." The

Count Answered,  "If I Was Sure To Be No Loser,  Mr. Wild,  I

Apprehend You Have A Better Opinion Of My Understanding Than To

Imagine I Would Prosecute A Gentleman For The Sake Of The Public.

These Are Foolish Words Of Course,  Which We Learn A Ridiculous

Habit Of Speaking,  And Will Often Break From Us Without Any Design

Or Meaning. I Assure You,  All I Desire Is A Reimbursement; And If

I Can By Your Means Obtain That,  The Public May--;" Concluding

With A Phrase Too Coarse To Be Inserted In A History Of This Kind.

 

They Were Now Informed That Dinner Was Ready,  And The Company

Assembled Below Stairs,  Whither The Reader May,  If He Please,

Attend These Gentlemen.

 

There Sat Down At The Table Mr. Snap,  And The Two Miss Snaps His

Daughters,  Mr. Wild The Elder,  Mr. Wild The Younger,  The Count,

Mr. Bagshot,  And A Grave Gentleman Who Had Formerly Had The Honour

Of Carrying Arms In A Regiment Of Foot,  And Who Was Now Engaged In

The Office (Perhaps A More Profitable One) Of Assisting Or

Following Mr. Snap In The Execution Of The Laws Of His Country.

 

Nothing Very Remarkable Passed At Dinner. The Conversation (As Is

Usual In Polite Company) Rolled Chiefly On What They Were Then

Eating And What They Had Lately Eaten. In This The Military

Book 1 Chapter 11 Pg 40

Gentleman,  Who Had Served In Ireland,  Gave Them A Very Particular

Account Of A New Manner Of Roasting Potatoes,  And Others Gave An

Account Of Other Dishes. In Short,  An Indifferent By-Stander Would

Have Concluded From Their Discourse That They Had All Come Into

This World For No Other Purpose Than To Fill Their Bellies; And

Indeed,  If This Was Not The Chief,  It Is Probable It Was The Most

Innocent Design Nature Had In Their Formation.

 

As Soon As The Dish Was Removed,  And The Ladies Retired,  The Count

Proposed A Game At Hazard,  Which Was Immediately Assented To By

The Whole Company,  And,  The Dice Being Immediately Brought In,  The

Count Took Up The Box And Demanded Who Would Set Him: To Which No

One Made Any Answer,  Imagining Perhaps The Count's Pockets To Be

More Empty Than They Were; For,  In Reality,  That Gentleman

(Notwithstanding What He Had Heartily Swore To Mr. Wild) Had,

Since His Arrival At Mr. Snap's,  Conveyed A Piece Of Plate To

Pawn,  By Which Means He Had Furnished Himself With Ten Guineas.

The Count,  Therefore,  Perceiving This Backwardness In His Friends,

And Probably Somewhat Guessing At The Cause Of It,  Took The Said

Guineas Out Of His Pocket,  And Threw Them On The Table; When Lo,

(Such Is The Force Of Example) All The Rest Began To Produce Their

Funds,  And Immediately,  A Considerable Sum Glittering In Their

Eyes,  The Game Began.

 

Book 1 Chapter 12 Pg 41

A Chapter Of Which We Are Extremely Vain,  And Which Indeed We Look

On As Our Chef-D'oeuvre; Containing A Wonderful Story Concerning

The Devil,  And As Nice A Scene Of Honour As Ever Happened.

 

 

 

 

 

My Reader,  I Believe,  Even If He Be A Gamester,  Would Not Thank Me

For An Exact Relation Of Every Man's Success; Let It Suffice Then

That They Played Till The Whole Money Vanished From The Table.

Whether The Devil Himself Carried It Away,  As Some Suspected,  I

Will Not Determine; But Very Surprising It Was That Every Person

Protested He Had Lost,  Nor Could Any One Guess Who,  Unless The

Devil,  Had Won.

 

But Though Very Probable It Is That This Arch Fiend Had Some Share

In The Booty,  It Is Likely He Had Not All; Mr. Bagshot Being

Book 1 Chapter 12 Pg 42

Imagined To Be A Considerable Winner,  Notwithstanding His

Assertions To The Contrary; For He Was Seen By Several To Convey

Money Often Into His Pocket; And What Is Still A Little Stronger

Presumption Is,  That The Grave Gentleman Whom We Have Mentioned To

Have Served His Country In Two Honourable Capacities,  Not Being

Willing To Trust Alone To The Evidence Of His Eyes,  Had Frequently

Dived Into The Said Bagshot's Pocket,  Whence (As He Tells Us In

The Apology For His Life Afterwards Published [Footnote: Not In A

Book By Itself,  In Imitation Of Some Other Such Persons,  But In

The Ordinary's Account,  &C.,  Where All The Apologies For The Lives

Of Rogues And Whores Which Have Been Published Within These Twenty

Years Should Have Been Inserted.]),  Though He Might Extract A Few

Pieces,  He Was Very Sensible He Had Left Many Behind. The

Gentleman Had Long Indulged His Curiosity In This Way Before Mr.

Bagshot,  In The Heat Of Gaming,  Had Perceived Him; But,  As Bagshot

Was Now Leaving Off Play,  He Discovered This Ingenious Feat Of

Dexterity; Upon Which,  Leaping Up From His Chair In Violent

Passion,  He Cried Out,  "I Thought I Had Been Among Gentlemen And

Men Of Honour,  But,  D--N Me,  I Find We Have A Pickpocket In

Company." The Scandalous Sound Of This Word Extremely Alarmed The

Whole Board,  Nor Did They All Shew Less Surprise Than The Conv--N

(Whose Not Sitting Of Late Is Much Lamented) Would Express At

Hearing There Was An Atheist In The Room; But It More Particularly

Affected The Gentleman At Whom It Was Levelled,  Though It Was Not

Addressed To Him. He Likewise Started From His Chair,  And,  With A

Fierce Countenance And Accent,  Said,  "Do You Mean Me? D--N Your

Eyes,  You Are A Rascal And A Scoundrel!" Those Words Would Have

Been Immediately Succeeded By Blows Had Not The Company

Interposed,  And With Strong Arm Withheld The Two Antagonists From

Each Other. It Was,  However,  A Long Time Before They Could Be

Prevailed On To Sit Down; Which Being At Last Happily Brought

About,  Mr. Wild The Elder,  Who Was A Well-Disposed Old Man,

Advised Them To Shake Hands And Be Friends; But The Gentleman Who

Had Received The First Affront Absolutely Refused It,  And Swore He

Would Have The Villain's Blood. Mr. Snap Highly Applauded The

Resolution,  And Affirmed That The Affront Was By No Means To Be

Put Up By Any Who Bore The Name Of A Gentleman,  And That Unless

His Friend Resented It Properly He Would Never Execute Another

Warrant In His Company; That He Had Always Looked Upon Him As A

Man Of Honour,  And Doubted Not But He Would Prove Himself So; And

That,  If It Was His Own Case,  Nothing Should Persuade Him To Put

Up Such An Affront Without Proper Satisfaction. The Count Likewise

Spoke On The Same Side,  And The Parties Themselves Muttered

Several Short Sentences Purporting Their Intentions. At Last Mr.

Wild,  Our Hero,  Rising Slowly From His Seat,  And Having Fixed The

Attention Of All Present,  Began As Follows: "I Have Heard With

Infinite Pleasure Everything Which The Two Gentlemen Who Spoke

Last Have Said With Relation To Honour,  Nor Can Any Man Possibly

Entertain A Higher And Nobler Sense Of That Word,  Nor A Greater

Esteem Of Its Inestimable Value,  Than Myself. If We Have No Name

To Express It By In Our Cant Dictionary,  It Were Well To Be Wished

We Had. It Is Indeed The Essential Quality Of A Gentleman,  And

Which No Man Who Ever Was Great In The Field Or On The Road (As

Others Express It) Can Possibly Be Without. But Alas! Gentlemen,

Book 1 Chapter 12 Pg 43

What Pity Is It That A Word Of Such Sovereign Use And Virtue

Should Have So Uncertain And Various An Application That Scarce

Two People Mean The Same Thing By It? Do Not Some By Honour Mean

Good-Nature And Humanity,  Which Weak Minds Call Virtues? How Then!

Must We Deny It To The Great,  The Brave,  The Noble; To The Sackers

Of Towns,  The Plunderers Of Provinces,  And The Conquerors Of

Kingdoms! Were Not These Men Of Honour? And Yet They Scorn Those

Pitiful Qualities I Have Mentioned. Again,  Some Few (Or I Am

Mistaken) Include The Idea Of Honesty In Their Honour. And Shall

We Then Say That No Man Who Withholds From Another What Law,  Or

Justice Perhaps,  Calls His Own,  Or Who Greatly And Boldly Deprives

Him Of Such Property,  Is A Man Of Honour? Heaven Forbid I Should

Say So In This,  Or,  Indeed,  In Any Other Good Company! Is Honour

Truth? No; It Is Not In The Lie's Going From Us,  But In Its Coming

To Us,  Our Honour Is Injured. Doth It Then Consist In What The

Vulgar Call Cardinal Virtues? It Would Be An Affront To Your

Understandings To Suppose It,  Since We See Every Day So Many Men

Of Honour Without Any. In What Then Doth The Word Honour Consist?

Why,  In Itself Alone. A Man Of Honour Is He That Is Called A Man

Of Honour; And While He Is So Called He So Remains,  And No Longer.

Think Not Anything A Man Commits Can Forfeit His Honour. Look

Abroad Into The World; The Prig,  While He Flourishes,  Is A Man Of

Honour; When In Gaol,  At The Bar,  Or The Tree,  He Is So No Longer.

And Why Is This Distinction? Not From His Actions; For Those Are

Often As Well Known In His Flourishing Estate As They Are

Afterwards; But Because Men,  I Mean Those Of His Own Party Or

Gang,  Call Him A Man Of Honour In The Former, 

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