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Further Conferences Between The Count And Master Wild,  With Other

Matters Of The Great Kind.

 

 

 

 

 

The Count Missed His Money The Next Morning,  And Very Well Knew

Who Had It; But,  As He Knew Likewise How Fruitless Would Be Any

Complaint,  He Chose To Pass It By Without Mentioning It. Indeed It

May Appear Strange To Some Readers That These Gentlemen,  Who Knew

Each Other To Be Thieves,  Should Never Once Give The Least Hint Of

This Knowledge In All Their Discourse Together,  But,  On The

Contrary,  Should Have The Words Honesty,  Honour,  And Friendship As

Often In Their Mouths As Any Other Men. This,  I Say,  May Appear

Strange To Some; But Those Who Have Lived Long In Cities,  Courts,

Gaols,  Or Such Places,  Will Perhaps Be Able To Solve The Seeming

Absurdity.

 

When Our Two Friends Met The Next Morning The Count (Who,  Though

He Did Not Agree With The Whole Of His Friend's Doctrine,  Was,

However,  Highly Pleased With His Argument) Began To Bewail The

Misfortune Of His Captivity,  And The Backwardness Of Friends To

Assist Each Other In Their Necessities; But What Vexed Him,  He

Said,  Most,  Was The Cruelty Of The Fair: For He Intrusted Wild

With The Secret Of His Having Had An Intrigue With Miss Theodosia,

The Elder Of The Miss Snaps,  Ever Since His Confinement,  Though He

Could Not Prevail With Her To Set Him At Liberty. Wild Answered,

With A Smile,  "It Was No Wonder A Woman Should Wish To Confine Her

Book 1 Chapter 6 Pg 22

Lover Where She Might Be Sure Of Having Him Entirely To Herself;"

But Added,  He Believed He Could Tell Him A Method Of Certainly

Procuring His Escape. The Count Eagerly Besought Him To Acquaint

Him With It. Wild Told Him Bribery Was The Surest Means,  And

Advised Him To Apply To The Maid. The Count Thanked Him,  But

Returned,  "That He Had Not A Farthing Left Besides One Guinea,

Which He Had Then Given Her To Change." To Which Wild Said,  "He

Must Make It Up With Promises,  Which He Supposed He Was Courtier

Enough To Know How To Put Off." The Count Greatly Applauded The

Advice,  And Said He Hoped He Should Be Able In Time To Persuade

Him To Condescend To Be A Great Man,  For Which He Was So Perfectly

Well Qualified.

 

This Method Being Concluded On,  The Two Friends Sat Down To Cards,

A Circumstance Which I Should Not Have Mentioned But For The Sake

Of Observing The Prodigious Force Of Habit; For Though The Count

Knew If He Won Ever So Much Of Mr. Wild He Should Not Receive A

Shilling,  Yet Could He Not Refrain From Packing The Cards; Nor

Could Wild Keep His Hands Out Of His Friend's Pockets,  Though He

Knew There Was Nothing In Them.

 

When The Maid Came Home The Count Began To Put It To Her; Offered

Her All He Had,  And Promised Mountains In Futuro; But All In Vain--

The Maid's Honesty Was Impregnable. She Said,  "She Would Not

Break Her Trust For The Whole World; No,  Not If She Could Gain A

Hundred Pound By It." Upon Which Wild Stepping Up And Telling Her

"She Need Not Fear Losing Her Place,  For It Would Never Be Found

Out; That They Could Throw A Pair Of Sheets Into The Street,  By

Which It Might Appear He Got Out At A Window; That He Himself

Would Swear He Saw Him Descending; That The Money Would Be So Much

Gains In Her Pocket; That,  Besides His Promises,  Which She Might

Depend On Being Performed,  She Would Receive From Him Twenty

Shillings And Ninepence In Ready Money (For She Had Only Laid Out

Threepence In Plain Spanish); And Lastly,  That,  Besides His

Honour,  The Count Should Leave A Pair Of Gold Buttons (Which

Afterwards Turned Out To Be Brass) Of Great Value,  In Her Hands,

As A Further Pawn."

 

The Maid Still Remained Inflexible,  Till Wild Offered To Lend His

Friend A Guinea More,  And To Deposit It Immediately In Her Hands.

This Reinforcement Bore Down The Poor Girl's Resolution,  And She

Faithfully Promised To Open The Door To The Count That Evening.

 

Thus Did Our Young Hero Not Only Lend His Rhetoric,  Which Few

People Care To Do Without A Fee,  But His Money Too (A Sum Which

Many A Good Man Would Have Made Fifty Excuses Before He Would Have

Parted With),  To His Friend,  And Procured Him His Liberty.

 

But It Would Be Highly Derogatory From The Great Character Of

Wild,  Should The Reader Imagine He Lent Such A Sum To A Friend

Without The Least View Of Serving Himself. As,  Therefore,  The

Reader May Easily Account For It In A Manner More Advantageous To

Our Hero's Reputation,  By Concluding That He Had Some Interested

View In The Count's Enlargement,  We Hope He Will Judge With

Book 1 Chapter 6 Pg 23

Charity,  Especially As The Sequel Makes It Not Only Reasonable But

Necessary To Suppose He Had Some Such View.

 

A Long Intimacy And Friendship Subsisted Between The Count And Mr.

Wild,  Who,  Being By The Advice Of The Count Dressed In Good

Cloaths,  Was By Him Introduced Into The Best Company. They

Constantly Frequented The Assemblies,  Auctions,  Gaming-Tables,  And

Play-Houses; At Which Last They Saw Two Acts Every Night,  And Then

Retired Without Paying--This Being,  It Seems,  An Immemorial

Privilege Which The Beaus Of The Town Prescribe For Themselves.

This,  However,  Did Not Suit Wild's Temper,  Who Called It A Cheat,

And Objected Against It As Requiring No Dexterity,  But What Every

Blockhead Might Put In Execution. He Said It Was A Custom Very

Much Savouring Of The Sneaking-Budge,  [Footnote: Shoplifting] But

Neither So Honourable Nor So Ingenious.

 

Wild Now Made A Considerable Figure,  And Passed For A Gentleman Of

Great Fortune In The Funds. Women Of Quality Treated Him With

Great Familiarity,  Young Ladies Began To Spread Their Charms For

Him,  When An Accident Happened That Put A Stop To His Continuance

In A Way Of Life Too Insipid And Inactive To Afford Employment For

Those Great Talents Which Were Designed To Make A Much More

Considerable Figure In The World Than Attends The Character Of A

Beau Or A Pretty Gentleman.

 

Book 1 Chapter 7 Pg 24

Master Wild Sets Out On His Travels,  And Returns Home Again. A

Very Short Chapter,  Containing Infinitely More Time And Less

Matter Than Any Other In The Whole Story.

 

 

 

 

 

We Are Sorry We Cannot Indulge Our Reader's Curiosity With A Full

And Perfect Account Of This Accident; But As There Are Such

Various Accounts,  One Of Which Only Can Be True,  And Possibly And

Indeed Probably None; Instead Of Following The General Method Of

Historians,  Who In Such Cases Set Down The Various Reports,  And

Leave To Your Own Conjecture Which You Will Chuse,  We Shall Pass

Them All Over.

 

Certain It Is That,  Whatever This Accident Was,  It Determined Our

Book 1 Chapter 7 Pg 25

Hero's Father To Send His Son Immediately Abroad For Seven Years;

And,  Which May Seem Somewhat Remarkable,  To His Majesty's

Plantations In America--That Part Of The World Being,  As He Said,

Freer From Vices Than The Courts And Cities Of Europe,  And

Consequently Less Dangerous To Corrupt A Young Man's Morals. And

As For The Advantages,  The Old Gentleman Thought They Were Equal

There With Those Attained In The Politer Climates; For Travelling,

He Said,  Was Travelling In One Part Of The World As Well As

Another; It Consisted In Being Such A Time From Home,  And In

Traversing So Many Leagues; And [He] Appealed To Experience

Whether Most Of Our Travellers In France And Italy Did Not Prove

At Their Return That They Might Have Been Sent As Profitably To

Norway And Greenland.

 

According To These Resolutions Of His Father,  The Young Gentleman

Went Aboard A Ship,  And With A Great Deal Of Good Company Set Out

For The American Hemisphere. The Exact Time Of His Stay Is

Somewhat Uncertain; Most Probably Longer Than Was Intended. But

Howsoever Long His Abode There Was,  It Must Be A Blank In This

History,  As The Whole Story Contains Not One Adventure Worthy The

Reader's Notice; Being Indeed A Continued Scene Of Whoring,

Drinking,  And Removing From One Place To Another.

 

To Confess A Truth,  We Are So Ashamed Of The Shortness Of This

Chapter,  That We Would Have Done A Violence To Our History,  And

Have Inserted An Adventure Or Two Of Some Other Traveller; To

Which Purpose We Borrowed The Journals Of Several Young Gentlemen

Who Have Lately Made The Tour Of Europe; But To Our Great Sorrow,

Could Not Extract A Single Incident Strong Enough To Justify The

Theft To Our Conscience.

 

When We Consider The Ridiculous Figure This Chapter Must Make,

Being The History Of No Less Than Eight Years,  Our Only Comfort

Is,  That The Histories Of Some Men's Lives,  And Perhaps Of Some

Men Who Have Made A Noise In The World,  Are In Reality As Absolute

Blanks As The Travels Of Our Hero. As,  Therefore,  We Shall Make

Sufficient Amends In The Sequel For This Inanity,  We Shall Hasten

On To Matters Of True Importance And Immense Greatness. At Present

We Content Ourselves With Setting Down Our Hero Where We Took Him

Up,  After Acquainting Our Reader That He Went Abroad,  Staid Seven

Years,  And Then Came Home Again.

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