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    Letter Ii.

 

Dear Sir,--The Money,  As You Truly Say,  Hath Been Three Years Due,

But Upon My Soul I Am At Present Incapable Of Paying A Farthing;

But As I Doubt Not,  Very Shortly Not Only To Content That Small

Bill,  But Likewise To Lay Out Very Considerable Further Sums At

Your House,  Hope You Will Meet With No Inconvenience By This Short

Delay In,  Dear Sir,  Your Most Sincere Humble Servant,

 

          Cha. Courtly.

 

    Letter Iii.

 

Mr. Heartfree,--I Beg You Would Not Acquaint My Husband Of The

Trifling Debt Between Us; For,  As I Know You To Be A Very Good-

Natured Man,  I Will Trust You With A Secret; He Gave Me The Money

Long Since To Discharge It,  Which I Had The Ill Luck To Lose At

Play. You May Be Assured I Will Satisfy You The First Opportunity,

And Am,  Sir,  Your Very Humble Servant,

 

        Cath. Rubbers.

 

  Please To Present My Compliments To Mrs. Heartfree.

 

    Letter Iv.

 

Mr. Thomas Heartfree,  Sir,--Yours Received: But As To Sum

Mentioned Therein,  Doth Not Suit At Present. Your Humble Servant,

Peter Pounce.

 

    Letter V.

 

Sir,--I Am Sincerely Sorry It Is Not At Present Possible For Me To

Comply With Your Request,  Especially After So Many Obligations

Received On My Side,  Of Which I Shall Always Entertain The Most

Greateful Memory. I Am Very Greatly Concerned At Your Misfortunes,

And Would Have Waited Upon You In Person,  But Am Not At Present

Very Well,  And Besides,  Am Obliged To Go This Evening To Vauxhall.

I Am,  Sir,  Your Most Obliged Humble Servant,

 

          Cha. Easy.

 

P.S.--I Hope Good Mrs. Heartfree And The Dear Little Ones Are

Well.

 

There Were More Letters To Much The Same Purpose; But We Proposed

Giving Our Readers A Taste Only. Of All These,  The Last Was

Infinitely The Most Grating To Poor Heartfree,  As It Came From One

To Whom,  When In Distress,  He Had Himself Lent A Considerable Sum,

And Of Whose Present Flourishing Circumstances He Was Well

Assured.

 

 

Book 2 Chapter 8 Pg 70

In Which Our Hero Carries Greatness To An Immoderate Height.

 

 

 

 

 

Let Us Remove,  Therefore,  As Fast As We Can,  This Detestable

Picture Of Ingratitude,  And Present The Much More Agreeable

Portrait Of That Assurance To Which The French Very Properly Annex

The Epithet Of Good. Heartfree Had Scarce Done Reading His Letters

When Our Hero Appeared Before His Eyes; Not With That Aspect With

Which A Pitiful Parson Meets His Patron After Having Opposed Him

At An Election,  Or Which A Doctor Wears When Sneaking Away From A

Door When He Is Informed Of His Patient's Death; Not With That

Downcast Countenance Which Betrays The Man Who,  After A Strong

Conflict Between Virtue And Vice,  Hath Surrendered His Mind To The

Latter,  And Is Discovered In His First Treachery; But With That

Noble,  Bold,  Great Confidence With Which A Prime Minister Assures

His Dependent That The Place He Promised Him Was Disposed Of

Before. And Such Concern And Uneasiness As He Expresses In His

Looks On Those Occasions Did Wild Testify On The First Meeting Of

His Friend. And As The Said Prime Minister Chides You For Neglect

Of Your Interest In Not Having Asked In Time,  So Did Our Hero

Attack Heartfree For His Giving Credit To The Count; And,  Without

Suffering Him To Make Any Answer,  Proceeded In A Torrent Of Words

To Overwhelm Him With Abuse,  Which,  However Friendly Its Intention

Might Be,  Was Scarce To Be Outdone By An Enemy. By These Means

Heartfree,  Who Might Perhaps Otherwise Have Vented Some Little

Concern For That Recommendation Which Wild Had Given Him To The

Count,  Was Totally Prevented From Any Such Endeavour; And,  Like An

Invading Prince,  When Attacked In His Own Dominions,  Forced To

Recal His Whole Strength To Defend Himself At Home. This Indeed He

Did So Well,  By Insisting On The Figure And Outward Appearance Of

The Count And His Equipage,  That Wild At Length Grew A Little More

Gentle,  And With A Sigh Said,  "I Confess I Have The Least Reason

Of All Mankind To Censure Another For An Imprudence Of This

Nature,  As I Am Myself The Most Easy To Be Imposed Upon,  And

Indeed Have Been So By This Count,  Who,  If He Be Insolvent,  Hath

Cheated Me Of Five Hundred Pounds. But,  For My Own Part," Said He,

"I Will Not Yet Despair,  Nor Would I Have You. Many Men Have Found

It Convenient To Retire Or Abscond For A While,  And Afterwards

Have Paid Their Debts,  Or At Least Handsomely Compounded Them.

This I Am Certain Of,  Should A Composition Take Place,  Which Is

The Worst I Think That Can Be Apprehended,  I Shall Be The Only

Book 2 Chapter 8 Pg 71

Loser; For I Shall Think Myself Obliged In Honour To Repair Your

Loss,  Even Though You Must Confess It Was Principally Owing To

Your Own Folly. Z--Ds! Had I Imagined It Necessary,  I Would Have

Cautioned You,  But I Thought The Part Of The Town Where He Lived

Sufficient Caution Not To Trust Him. And Such A Sum!---The Devil

Must Have Been In You Certainly!"

 

This Was A Degree Of Impudence Beyond Poor Mrs. Heartfree's

Imagination. Though She Had Before Vented The Most Violent

Execrations On Wild,  She Was Now Thoroughly Satisfied Of His

Innocence,  And Begged Him Not To Insist Any Longer On What He

Perceived So Deeply Affected Her Husband. She Said Trade Could Not

Be Carried On Without Credit,  And Surely He Was Sufficiently

Justified In Giving It To Such A Person As The Count Appeared To

Be. Besides,  She Said,  Reflections On What Was Past And

Irretrievable Would Be Of Little Service; That Their Present

Business Was To Consider How To Prevent The Evil Consequences

Which Threatened,  And First To Endeavour To Procure Her Husband

His Liberty. "Why Doth He Not Procure Bail?" Said Wild. "Alas!

Sir," Said She,  "We Have Applied To Many Of Our Acquaintance In

Vain; We Have Met With Excuses Even Where We Could Least Expect

Them." "Not Bail!" Answered Wild,  In A Passion; "He Shall Have

Bail,  If There Is Any In The World. It Is Now Very Late,  But Trust

Me To Procure Him Bail To-Morrow Morning."

 

Mrs. Heartfree Received These Professions With Tears,  And Told

Wild He Was A Friend Indeed. She Then Proposed To Stay That

Evening With Her Husband,  But He Would Not Permit Her On Account

Of His Little Family,  Whom He Would Not Agree To Trust To The Care

Of Servants In This Time Of Confusion.

 

A Hackney-Coach Was Then Sent For,  But Without Success; For These,

Like Hackney-Friends,  Always Offer Themselves In The Sunshine,  But

Are Never To Be Found When You Want Them. And As For A Chair,  Mr.

Snap Lived In A Part Of The Town Which Chairmen Very Little

Frequent. The Good Woman Was Therefore Obliged To Walk Home,

Whither The Gallant Wild Offered To Attend Her As A Protector.

This Favour Was Thankfully Accepted,  And,  The Husband And Wife

Having Taken A Tender Leave Of Each Other,  The Former Was Locked

In And The Latter Locked Out By The Hands Of Mr. Snap Himself.

 

As This Visit Of Mr. Wild's To Heartfree May Seem One Of Those

Passages In History Which Writers,  Drawcansir-Like,  Introduce Only

Because They Dare; Indeed,  As It May Seem Somewhat Contradictory

To The Greatness Of Our Hero,  And May Tend To Blemish His

Character With An Imputation Of That Kind Of Friendship Which

Savours Too Much Of Weakness And Imprudence,  It May Be Necessary

To Account For This Visit,  Especially To Our More Sagacious

Readers,  Whose Satisfaction We Shall Always Consult In The Most

Especial Manner. They Are To Know Then That At The First Interview

With Mrs. Heartfree Mr. Wild Had Conceived That Passion,  Or

Affection,  Or Friendship,  Or Desire,  For That Handsome Creature,

Which The Gentlemen Of This Our Age Agreed To Call Love,  And Which

Is Indeed No Other Than That Kind Of Affection Which,  After The

Book 2 Chapter 8 Pg 72

Exercise Of The Dominical Day Is Over,  A Lusty Divine Is Apt To

Conceive For The Well-Drest Sirloin Or Handsome Buttock Which The

Well-Edified Squire In Gratitude Sets Before Him,  And Which,  So

Violent Is His Love,  He Devours In Imagination The Moment He Sees

It. Not Less Ardent Was The Hungry Passion Of Our Hero,  Who,  From

The Moment He Had Cast His Eyes On That Charming Dish,  Had Cast

About In His Mind By What Method He Might Come At It. This,  As He

Perceived,  Might Most Easily Be Effected After The Ruin Of

Heartfree,  Which,  For Other Considerations,  He Had Intended. So He

Postponed All Endeavours For This Purpose Till He Had First

Effected That,  By Order Of Time,  Was Regularly To Precede This

Latter Design; With Such Regularity Did This Our Hero Conduct All

His Schemes,  And So Truly Superior Was He To All The Efforts Of

Passion,  Which So Often Disconcert And Disappoint The Noblest

Views Of Others.

 

Book 2 Chapter 9 Pg 73

More Greatness In Wild. A Low Scene Between Mrs. Heartfree And Her

Children,  And A Scheme Of Our Hero Worthy The Highest Admiration,

And Even Astonishment.

 

 

 

 

 

When First Wild Conducted His Flame (Or Rather His Dish,  To

Continue Our Metaphor) From The Proprietor,  He Had Projected A

Design Of Conveying Her To One Of Those Eating-Houses In Covent-

Garden,  Where Female Flesh Is Deliciously Drest And Served Up To

The Greedy Appetites Of Young Gentlemen; But,  Fearing Lest She

Should Not Come Readily Enough Into His Wishes,  And That,  By Too

Eager And Hasty A Pursuit,  He Should Frustrate His Future

Expectations,  And Luckily At The Same Time A Noble Hint Suggesting

Itself To Him,  By Which He Might Almost Inevitably Secure His

Pleasure,  Together With His Profit,  He Contented Himself With

Waiting

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