What Not To Say To A Pregnant Woman, David Doss [ebook audio reader .txt] 📗

say that would either make her comfortable, or at least keep you from hearing her complain about it. (I’m lucky in that area; I have to wear hearing aids so when my wife complains, I can shut them off and all is fine.) Either way, she’s getting more miserable the closer to delivery, and so are you.
Now is especially the time when she needs your help with the normal day-to-day things. Even if it’s not your style to run the vacuum, try. It helps her, and the noise drowns out the groans as she shifts around in her chair. Cook supper for her, which will give you time in the other room, and her time to prop her swollen feet up. Draw her a warm bubble bath to sooth the aches. Just don’t compare her to a whale, especially when she’s trying to get out of the tub. Rub her feet, but by all means avoid her ankles, as it is said that rubbing the ankles will start contractions. Of course, if her misery is increased because she’s past her due date, by all means, try every old wives’ tale to start the ball rolling…

Sanity – Lost or Found

I have learned that there is such a thing as pregnancy, or baby, brain. The mind of a pregnant woman is not the same as before the pregnancy. I have noticed such things as having difficulty saying the simplest things, or forgetting if she gets off work early. I’m just happy that she hasn’t forgotten my name yet, but she might eventually.
It is so very important to keep on her good side, also, because she has by now developed an alter-ego. You’ve all heard of Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde…you’ve not seen anything till you’ve stepped on a pregnant woman’s nerves. I would say it would be safer to live with the Incredible Hulk, but you may already be. I don’t think I am brave enough to tease my wife until she turns green; I am kind of attached to life and want to live to see the birth of our son.

Cou

nt Down

It seems like just yesterday that my wife woke me up and gently whispered, “You’re going to be a daddy” in my ear. Here we are, now, just four short weeks until the due date, and I am finding more things to say to terrify and irritate my wife. The best was mentioning the possibility of a c-section. She was determined to have a completely natural childbirth. Her mother did, and she would, too. So she didn’t even want to consider the possibility of a c-section, which opened up the fun for me.
I wondered if the doctor would let me drop a stitch or two, or even let me help pull the baby out. If looks could kill, this book would not be; she pretty much told me in no uncertain terms that there was no way that I was coming near her with a needle and thread. It broke my heart, but I guess I have to understand why. The only problem was she ruined my fun. Oh well. If I keep this up they probably won’t let me cut the cord so I better be on my best behavior. Yeah, right! After all, my point in this was to see just how much trouble I could get into.

Blast Off

At 8:20 p.m. on January 31, 2007 I became a daddy. Things didn’t go as we thought, so after 15 hours of intense labor, she did have to have the c-section, but the main thing is that mom and baby were fine. I don’t really know what to say about that moment; I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. What joy I felt knowing that the little guy is mine, and now I can hold him and be a part of his life.
Even though we were in the hospital for 5 long days, I still tried to keep my darling wife’s spirits up by trying to joke tenderly with her.

Ba

by Facts

Soon-to-be dads, I have to say that the first diaper change can be scary and a little gross; it reminded me of brownie mix. After the first poopy diaper it’s all downhill. Yes, I now say “poopy;” that’s one thing that will shock your non-parent friends: your change in vocabulary. Just don’t tell these types of stories at the dinner table.
Six weeks after my son was born, my wife had to return to work, which left the total care of the baby in my hands for the majority of the day. This was terrifying because I had never dealt with a baby before. Well, I did have baby chickens when I was a child, so if I could feed and take care of them, surely I could take care of a baby, right? Oh, yeah. My son had his own schedule, and when he wanted something done (bottles or diapers, anyone?), he wanted it done yesterday. Overall, though, he was a pretty good baby.

The Curse

I never really understood what my parents meant when they said “wait until you have kids.” Until now. This curse is passed from parent to child from the beginning, and usually stems from the frustration mom or dad is feeling because the child is doing something they shouldn’t. I remember my mom and dad telling me they hoped I had a child act just like me some day. Well, the scary thing is that although he’s only 15 months old, he’s starting to. That thing about wanting things done yesterday? Yeah, that’s me.
My wife’s mother cursed her also, and yep, our son is reaping the rewards. Now, I love my wife dearly, but folks, she is really clumsy and can walk into a door without even trying, and will trip over the invisible string across a smooth floor. Our son has that trait as well. If you don’t remind him to watch where he’s going, he’ll plow right into the nearest thing. I have to admit it’s quite funny, though. Still, I feel sorry for him because I know it will just continue as he grows up and become a real embarrassment. Makes me feel bad for his wife…not!

The Journey Continues

Our journey continues as our son grows, and your journey will, too. I hope the information I’ve shared will come in handy, but if not, maybe you got a good laugh to help you through the craziness. All I can say now is enjoy this time with your wife as she goes through the changes while awaiting that baby. Just remember that if you like to joke with her please invest in a good pair of running shoes.

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Publication Date: 06-30-2011

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