The Ten Pleasures of Marriage<br />and the Second Part, The Confession of the New Married Couple, A. Marsh [great book club books .txt] 📗

themselves against their vituperous enemies: For verily there are several men that walk not so even and neat in their waies as they ought to do; and who knows, whether our Mistresses dearly Beloved, at this very present, doth not as many others have done; who when they are travelling any whither, the first thing they do, is to be very diligent, and look earnestly about, whether there be not some handsom Gentlewoman that travels with them, by whom they very courteously take place, shewing themselves mightily humble and complacent, and telling them that they are Batchelors or at the least Widowers; then casting out a discourse of playing a game at Cards, that they may the better see what mettle the Lady is made of, and then again when they come to a Baiting-place, or where they must stay the night over, there they domineer lustily with them, and play the part of a Rodomontade. Where many times more is acted and spent, then they dare either tell their Wives, or their father Confessors of.

Others there are, who seek not so much such company, but very artificially before hand, know how to find out such Fellow-travellers as most suit with their own humour; to that end providing themselves with some Bottles of Canary, and pure Spanish Tobacco; and where ever they come are sure to make choice of the best Inn, where there's a good Table, delicate Wine, (and a handsom Wench) to be had.

Certainly, if the Husband thus one way, and his Wife another, know how to find out the Pleasures of Marriage, they are then both of them happy to the utmost. Is it not possible, but that they might, if this continued long, take a journy, for pleasure, to Brokers-Hall? For at first it was by them esteem'd too mean a place to be look'd upon, and not worth their thinking of: but then its probable it may come into their considerations, by reason that rents are low there, provisions very cheap, and pleasures in abundance; neither hath Pride or Ambition taken any habitation there. Nay, who knows but that they might chance to observe that there is no such need of feasting and junketting; nor be subject to so many visits, because there dwells not such a number of their friends and acquaintance: and besides all this, you may there, for a small matter, agree with the Collectors of the Excises, so that, for a whole year, you may have Wine, and severall other things plenty, for little or nothing.

But let's lay aside all this, because they are untimely cogitations, that fly astray; and it is much decenter that we turn again to our kind-hearted Mistriss, with her merry companions; who now, are about the taking leave of each other; using, to shew their gratitude, whole bundles full of complements; offering them up with an inexpressible amiablenes and eloquency for the respect and honour they have received; and confirm them with so many kisses, cursies, bows and conges, that it is easie to be perceived, that on both sides its cordially meant. And Doll, that good and faithfull servant, is not able to express how pleasing this entertainment hath been to all the company. Nay, it lies buzzing her so in the pate, that she cannot be at quiet in a morning, whilest her Mistriss is asleep, but she must, with the Neighbors Maids, either at the opening of the Shop, or sweeping of the street, be tatling and telling of it to them; putting, every foot, into their hands privately, some Almonds and Raisins, that came in by leger de main: Relating unto them, as if she did it by a scrole, what a horrible quantity of things she hath to scour and wash, that must be made clean, and set in order, against the time that the Bridemaids, as it was mentioned, are to come again alone; and so much the more, because her Master is daily expected home. Who then finally coming in, is not ordinarily welcomed, for she is so full of joy that her husband is come home, that both her tongue and actions are incapable of demonstrating her felicity; and he on the t'other side, is so glad to find his dearly Beloved in good health, and all things in decent order, that it is beyond imagination.

All this while they both laugh in their sleeves, that each one, in th'absence of the t'other, hath taken to themselves such a private an cunning pleasure. Finding so much content and injoiment therein, that they both hope to serve themselves again with the like occasion. O mighty Pleasure of Marriage! Who would not but be invited to go into this estate? Especially if we proceeded to write down and rehearse the further Confession of the separate Pleasures of Man and Wife, which is preserved as matter for the insuing Fifth and Sixth Pleasure.

65
Published by the Navarre Society London.

The Fourth Pleasure. The Wife will be Master of the Cash, or mony Chest.

As Mony is one of the most curiousest Minerals, is it, in like manner, the less admirable, that the handling and use there of rendreth the greatest Pleasures of the World. It is Loves Fire, and Charities Fountain. Yea, if Man and Wife in their house keeping may be esteemed or compared to the Sun and Moon in the Firmament; verily, those merry white or yellow boies, may very well be considered of as twinkling stars.

It rejoiceth all mankind to behold in the sky the innumerable multitude of glittering Stars: but it is a far surpassinger Pleasure, that the new married Couple receive, when they see vast heaps of Silver and Gold ly dazling their eys, and they Lording over it.

You, O lately married Couple, possess this Pleasure to the utmost; you have to your content received your promised Portions; you onely want the great Iron Mony-Chest to lock it up in securely, and to keep it safely, that it may be laid out to advantage. O how pleasant the free dispensation thereof is unto you! What a noble Valley it is to walk in between these Mountains, and to delight your eys with such an object!

Yet nevertheless, O faithfull Couple, here is need that a great deal of prudence be used, as well in the laying of it out, as the preserving of it. In ancient times it hath been often observed and taken notice of, that where mony was hid, the places were generally hanted with terrible spirits, and strange Ghosts, that walked there, coming in frightfull apparitions: but since they have been driven out of our Country and Houses; there's another sort of Imp come in, ten times wickeder then any of the other; which regards nor cares neither for Crosses, Holy-water, Exorcisms, or any sort of Divel-drivers; but dares boldly shew himself at noon-day, namely a Plague-Divel, which sets Man an Wife together by the ears, to try who of them both shall have the command and government of the Cash or mony-box.

And to the end he may herein act his Part well, he knows how very subtlily first to fill the weak womans ears full, that she ought above all things to have the command of the cash; because she had such a great Portion; and that it is her mony which she hears gingle so. And then again, because the care of the house-keeping is appropriated to be her duty, it is against all reason, that she, like a servant, should give an account to her husband, what, wherefore, or how that the mony is laid out; because the necessaries also for house-keeping are so many, that they are without end, name or number, and it is impossible that one should relate or ring them all into the ears of a Man. Likewise the good woman cannot have so fit an occasion every foot to be making some new things, that she may follow the fashion, as it is usual for women to do; much less to have any private pocket-mony, to treat and play the Divel for God's sake, with her Bride-Maids, when her husband is gone from home.

And on the contrary, when men pay out any thing, it goes out by great sums, according as is specified by the accounts delivered, which must be set to book, and an acquittance given: This cannot be so done with every pittifull small thing that belongs to house-keeping. Insomuch that the Husband can then, with all facility, demand what Mony is needful for his occasion from his Wife.

Moreover, when the Wife hath the command of the mony, she can alwaies see in what condition and state her affairs stands; and by taking good observation thereof, her husband cannot fob her off with Pumpkins for Musmillions; but she'l easily perceive whether she be decreasing or increasing in her estate. So that if her husband might come to dy, and she be left a Widow with several children, she can immediately see and understand in what posture her affairs stands, and whether she be gotten forward or gone backward in the World.

And what's more yet, it would be a great shame for a Woman, who hath alwaies been so highly respected by her husband; and as it appeared to all the World, was honoured like a Princess; that she should within dores be as servile as a servant; and must be fed out of her husbands hands, just as if she were a wast-all, a sweet-tooth, or gamestress, &c.

With these, and