Tempore, J.D. Marin, Faithettie, A. Rivero [best books to read for self improvement .txt] 📗

about how crazy their adventure had been.

"We've gotta do that again sometime," Amy said.

"We just need to find a new form of torture to use on Mr. S," Scott added.

Chapter 2: Beijing

Long after the trip to China from America, Cuban man Raul Martinez soon finds himself in a Chinese restaurant. He goes up to the cashier and asks, "Do you have any rice and beans?"

The cashier freaked out and said lots of random gibberish in Chinese.

"What's wrong lady? I just wanted some rice and beans."

She yelled even louder, tears streaming down her face, and began to throw at him money from the cash register.

"Lady! I'm not trying to take your money, I just want rice and beans!" Raoul cried.

The Chinese cashier started to press a button, probably summoning the police, and Raoul freaked out as well.

Not too long after, an electric rickshaw came down the street and the police burst through the door. The cashier explained to them excitedly, still streaming, what had happened. "Jabloorakana mastiva!" ("That man is trying to take my restaurant!")

The policeman suddenly pulled out a blow-dart tube, as seen in tribal movies, and Raoul freaked out even more.

The woman ducked under the table, and just as the police guy was going to shoot Raoul, a Texan burst from the wall and yelled, "Yeah, I got a twenty-five!"

The policeman yelled, "Tabalooman recoulb syloloan!" ("Help! We need backup! There's two of them!")

Suddenly, Indiana Jones swings in on a vine, and his theme music plays.

"Why can't that music just leave me alone?" He screamed angrily. "It follows me everywhere

!"

A geek with a T-shirt that read "AV Club" stepped into the room with a boombox and said "Sorry." He then turned off the music and walked out.

Then, everyone ran out of the room and to the yoga center, where Faith had been meditating and floating. She had a purple hippie jumpsuit and was paying absolutely no attention to what was going on around her.

A gangster beaver walks in out of the blue and said, "I've got a limo parked outside for Roberto."

The Texan came up to the beaver and said, "Yeah, I've got your twenty-five!" Then they walked hand-in-hand out of the room to the limo.

The entire group hears mariachi music playing from nowhere, and they turned around to see a mariachi band playing. Where they come from, nobody knew.

Meanwhile, back at the restaurant, the Chinese policeman saw everyone at the yoga class and yelled, "Omibasga Noberaltu

!" ("Oh my gosh, we need more backup!") By reflex he blew into the blow-dart tube and shot the cashier of the restaurant, who passed out after giving a sharp yelp.

Back at the yoga center, the lights go out, and a banshee appears, but her face is covered with beautiful brown hair.

Faith came out of her meditation, realizing the darkness, and her friend Amy appeared next to her.

"Zeke..." The ghost called from beyond. She beckoned to Raoul with her bony fingers.

"No, she's Zeke!" Amy called, pointing to Faith.

"Ze-eke," the banshee said again. She floated to Faith, her hair flipping out of her face, and she yelled a horrible yell, making the whole place shudder.

Amy cried, "Maraca powers, GO!" And to no effect, the maracas disappeared in a puff of smoke. She then pulled out a black Pokeball and yelled, "Edward, I choose you

!"

Edward popped out of the ball and then attacked the banshee. He dug his razor-sharp venom-coated teeth into her shoulder and then threw her out the window. Then he shouted, "Where's Bella?"

"I killed her!" Amy joked. Edward didn't know this was a joke, though.

He went to attack Amy, who heard a voice behind her, which was Scott. Scott said, "I can help you."

"Fine," Amy sighed. Then she threw a green ball and said, "Scott, I choose you

!"

Scott jumped out of the ball holding a giant flaming cheese grater and used to to attack Edward.

Edward was sliced into tons of shreds, and everyone said, "Yay!" Then the lights turned back on the and the mariachi band started to play their music once more.

Suddenly, a snake comes from nowhere and bit Faith in the finger. Faith started bleeding and the snake vanished.

The blood spilled onto the pile of what was Edward, and the vampire reassembled.

Amy tells Scott, "Great job, genius! You've got a vampire after us!"

"Wait!" said Scott. He threw a purple Poke ball. "Five-year-old girl, I choose you!"

A cute little five-year-old girl with blond pig-tails looked up at Edward and said, "Hello, mister."

Since he was ready to start drinking blood, he started at her hungrily, and decided to make her his victim. Then she yelled in a dep voice, "Vampire evasive maneuver!" and pulled out a gun bigger than her head. She shot out miniature flaming cheese graters at Edward, more quickly than Scott had done, and Edward started melting.

Since Faith hadn't covered up her wound, it spilled once again into the pile of ashes, and Edward returned even stronger.

The little girl said in her deep voice, "This isn't working! I need backup

!" She set her gun on turbo, and Amy said, "I know what to do!"

The Beacon of Souls, a relic once believed to only exist in the "Haunted Mansion" video game, fell from the sky and landed into Amy's hands. Amy began to use the Soul Gems to shoot at Edward. With the combined powers of Amy and the little girl, Edward began to dissolve into the thin air.

Indiana Jones swung out, and everybody cheered.

Then Raul demanded, "But what about my rice and beans?"

The guitarist of the mariachi band handed him a bowl of rice and beans.

"Wait! This has too many chilli peppers!" Raul cried.

Suddenly, the roof of the yoga studio was pulled off, and a purple dragon aimed to burn everyone into nothing.

"Oh, poopity-poop," Raul muttered.

The only people left surviving were Scott, Amy, and Faith, all of them with third-degree burns.

~.~.~

Ellie and her younger sister walked into the yoga class, and saw all of it in shambles. "Jessie, what did you do?" Ellie asked.

"Oh, you know, I got Daddy's gun."

"But you were supposed to get Mommy's gun!"

"Sorry."

"Jessie, look out

!" Ellie shrieked. No sooner was Jessie bitten by the snake. Her blood spilled onto the floor into the direction of an open copy of Twilight. Ellie quickly found a bandage and sealed Jessie's wound.

The two sisters walked out. They didn't see the bunch of dust come from the air and into the book. The book closed. The only sound left in the still yoga studio was the evil laugh of a familiar voice coming from the book. Golden eyes peered at the girls from the inside of the studio, and then vanished.

Chapter 3: Moscow

Long after his trip from Australia to China to Russia, Australian man Rikki Mason finds himself in a shush-kabob stand. He walked up to the cashier and asked, "Do you have any vegemite?"

This seems familiar. . .

"Bibbli-dibblie-boba-kanush!" The cashier cried frantically.

"What? I'm sorry, mate!"

The cashier started to fling coins at Rikki from a small leather wallet.

The Australian read the man's nametag, which read, "Nikolay."

"I'm sorry, Nikolay, I just wanted some vegemite," Rikki said.

"Nauhuu! Nauhuu jeve!" Nikolay cried. ("Quit stalking me! I can't believe you know my name!")

"Fine, I'll leave!" Rikki told him, backing away a little.

I've been waiting...

Suddenly, the Kool-Aid man crashed through the wooden wall with a ten gallon hat and said, "Oh yeah!" in a deep voice.

Nikolay rang a large black bell that wasn't there before, and a man burst through the curtains and shouted something, taking off his boot.

"Naune nahaah?" Nikolay asked. ("What're you gonna do with that boot?")

To show him, the police guy loaded up his boot and started to shoot bullets out of the heel.

Rikki and the Kool-Aid man ran from the stand and raced into a cave within a mountain, where Faith was watching TV and eating twinkies.

So, they found Faith in the cave watching TV and eating twinkies, wearing a purple nightgown, and sitting next to her was none other than Amy, sporting a black tank top and a blanket where her legs should have been.

Meanwhile, a large avalanche caused a giant boulder to tumble away from a Japanese palace.

The cave members suddenly heard rumbling in the distance, and the fire went out, along with the TV.

Faith got angry but controlled her temper.

Then a banshee appeared and floated up to Rikki. "Zeke..."

"I've told you for the last time," Amy snapped, "she's Zeke!" She pointed to Faith.

The banshee flew up to Faith and took away her twinkies.

Faith roared, "Listen, I understand turning off the TV and putting out the fire, but you do not take my Twinkies

!"

The banshee cowered in fear as Faith just randomly performed a taek wan do move while floating in the air. Then the banshee let out a hideous roar, rumbling the cave. The kids quickly realized the rumbling wasn't coming from the banshee's scream. The banshee vanished in a puff of green smoke.

"Well," Rikki said, pointing to a copy of Twilight, "since I found this book in China, I might as well go read it over there far away from you guys so you could do whatever you want to do."

"Nooo

!" shouted a familiar voice from the other side of the cave.

"Scott! What are you doing here?" Amy asked.

"Wait, stop

!" Scott cried.

But it was too late. Rikki opened the book. Next thing they knew, a man of about six foot, four was standing before them, with pale skin and golden eyes.

"Look at what you've done!" Scott said furiously.

"Hello," said the thirsty voice they'd once heard in China.

"So what?" asked Rikki. "It's just some pale dude."

"No, you don't understand," Faith said. "This is not as bad as it gets."

Suddenly, something started glowing from under Amy's blanket. Everyone stared at it in terror.

"Don't worry," Amy said, pulling off the blanket. Under it was...

"The Beacon!" Scott said excitedly.

Amy quickly sat up, and everybody realized she was wearing black pants. She aimed it at Edward and fired from the orange gem, releasing a meteor.

"Nooooo!" Edward said sarcastically. "I'm not melting! I'm not melting!"

"Darnit! Can't you just go away?" Faith asked.

"When in Russia," Scott said, "do as the Russians do." He quickly pulled off his left boot and aimed it at the vampire. He fired the bullets at the vampire, but Edward deflected them with some sort of bullet-proof skin feature vampires have.

Faith stared in awe. "Man, that guy's perfect."

Edward flashed a hideous thirsty grin at Rikki, revealing all his pointy teeth.

"Uhm, hi," Rikki said.

Edward lunged at Rikki, but not before Scott said, "Avalanchus Japan

!" pointing Voldie the Oldie's wand at Edward.

Suddenly, a large boulder crashed into the wall of the mountain, pulverising Edward, then rolling away. "I'll be back!" He yelled ferociously.

The fire and TV suddenly turned back on, and Faith's twinkies fell from the sky.

"Yay!" They all chanted.