Tempore, J.D. Marin, Faithettie, A. Rivero [best books to read for self improvement .txt] 📗

Chapter 1: How It Started

"Hey, I think I heard that Midnight Sun was cancelled," Faith said to her friends one day, in the middle of a discussion of "Twilight".

Scott and Amy stopped in their tracks. "What

?"

"Uhm, someone told me..."

"But!" Amy said, hoping to find a way to create the book. "But! Uh-darn it!"

"Stephenie Meyer will die." Scott announced menacingly.

The three of them looked at each other for a few seconds. They all smiled wickedly.

"Busting out?" Faith asked.

"Oh yeah," Amy confirmed.

"The fun way," Scott added.

"Yay!" Faith cheered.

Amy, Faith and Scott stood up, and walked over to Mr. S, the homeroom teacher.

"There's Mr. S," Amy said. "Let's go bother him."

The three students crowded around Mr. S, who cried, "Not Again

!", and began to slap him with their arms, which became as lifeless as rag dolls. They chanted over and over, "Bother, bother, bother." Mr. S yelped in pain every time they bothered him.

"Stop it! Stop it!" The poor teacher yelled, but the students refused to cease their merciless attack.

"Bother, bother, bother, bother, bother!"

"Stop bothering me!" Mr. S had his arms raised over his head as a protective shield, which wasn't working all that well seeing as they began to whack him in the stomach. At this point, other kids came up and joined the situation and bothered him too. Everyone but Mr. S was laughing merrily and sadistically at his agony. Mr. S was being overthrown by children.

"Nuuuu!" Mr. S fell out of his chair and onto his left side. The students stepped back. Mr. S began to roll around on the floor, barking like a dog hysterically, and foaming out candy canes. A few kids took out their camera phones and recorded the scene.

While everyone was distracted by the Mr. S-who-just-turned-into-a-barking-candy-cane-machine, the culprits of the problem silently slid out the door.

Faith grinned. "That was great."

"It was probably our best bothering him yet," Scott commented.

"I wonder how long he's going to roll around like that this time," Amy said. "Last time, it was until second period, remember?"

The three of them laughed again, and then went off to Walmart to by some things they'd need for the doom of Stephenie Meyer.

~.~.~

Ding, dong.

"I wonder who it could be," said Ms. Stephenie Meyer, opening the door.

Three kids-Amy, Faith and Scott-stood there, smiling frighteningly. Scott held a metal baseball bat, Faith held a chainsaw, and Amy held...maracas. (No, not maracas!) Ms. Meyer stared at them for a few seconds, then yelled, "Wrong house!" and slammed the door in their faces.

Ding, dong.

"No! I will not

let you in! Not even if you have chocolate cupcakes!" Ms. Meyer shouted from the other side of the door.

"Check the back door!" One of the kids called.

Ms. Meyer, terrified but willing, went to the back door to check what was there.

She opened it and found...a coffin.

Suddenly, Amy popped out of the coffin with her maracas, and she started dancing, singing the Happy Birthday song very off key.

Then Ms. Meyer, startled by Amy popping out of the coffin, dropped into a dead faint right then and there. Amy, Faith and Scott looked at her for a while. Then Scott said, "Our work here is done."

Suddenly, Dark Wizard Voldemort came from nowhere and swooped down over our heroes! Luckily they ducked, and were not hit by his ugly broomstick, which seemed to be covered in bird droppings.

Voldemort hopped off his broomstick and held his wand up threateningly. "You just scared the heck out of my favorite author! You must die

!" He began to mutter some sort of curse.

"Wait! She wasn't going to even write the next book!" Faith yelped, hoping that he wouldn't curse them before she finished her sentence.

Voldemort stopped muttering and stared at them for a few seconds. Then he asked, "She wasn't?"

"No, I think it was cancelled."

"Oh, then-ow!-HEY!"

Scott kicked Voldemort in the shin and stole the guy's wand. He pointed it at Voldemort and shouted, senilis pooficus

"!"

"What on earth-" Amy and Faith cried, but they were cut off.

A huge explosion came from the wand. The sound was similar to one of those impossibly gigantic fireworks going off right next to you. After the blinding flash of white, everyone gasped.

Scott had turned Voldemort into an old dude. As in, a crusty, grumpy, already-supposed-to-be-dead old dude who smacks innocent children with his cane for no apparent reason. The three kids gaped in amazement at what Scott had done, then started cracking up at the scene. Voldemort, on the other hand, was grumbling about missing his afternoon nap.

"Scott-you turned Voldie into an oldie!" Faith smirked.

That's when something hit them.

"Hey...now what do we do with him?" Amy asked. "We can't exactly give an evil wizard, no matter how old, to a nursing home. He'll probably murder the assistant who gives him medicine ten seconds too late or something."

"Hmm..." Scott went into thinking about their next action.

Faith began to mess around with her fingers, trying to find something new she could do with them.

Voldie the Oldie randomly made a move to get the wand back from Scott. He raced toward the kid as fast as his scrawny legs could take him (meanwhile two small snails passed him easily) and threw his hand out for the wand, accidentally whacking Scott instead.

"Move yer head, boy!" Voldie snapped. "Gimme my wand!"

"Edward, go

!" Amy bellowed. She tossed a Poké Ball at the ground, and out popped Edward Cullen. How Amy managed to get him stuffed in the ball in the first place, no one will ever know.

Edward stood there, very confused. "Uhm, what am I supposed to do at this point?"

"Stop Voldie the Oldie!" Amy said.

Faith and Scott stared blankly at Amy.

"No thanks," Edward said politely.

"But-you're my Pokémon! You're supposed to do what I say!" Amy told him.

"Nah, I'll pass." Edward sat down and stared at the sun, skin sparkling very strangely.

"Who poured too much glitter on this guy?" Faith asked.

Scott shrugged. "I guess Bella was a little clumsy with her arts and crafts project or something."

"That works," Amy said.

Edward stayed lying down. Now he was humming something that sounded sort of pretty, like a lullaby.

Voldie the Oldie had managed to tip himself over. He was also on the ground, and whimpered, "Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!" His pleas, however, were ignored.

Faith was crooning to herself something about whispers in the dark and turning tears into roses.

"Might as well put 'im back in the ball," Scott said.

"Yeah," Amy agreed. She threw the ball at Edward. Nothing happened.

Edward stared blankly at the ball, which had landed next to him. Then he turned to look at Amy. "Uh...?"

"...Get in..."

"Sure."

"Please?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because."

"Darn it, Edward, get in the stupid ball already!"

"...Make me."

"You know what? I got a plan!" Scott took a "Twilight" book from nowhere, and slammed it on Edward's foot. The vampire was instantly sucked into the book, like a vacuum devouring the poor little dust bunnies.

Amy and Faith stared at the book. "Whoa."

Scott held it closed as tightly as he could. "No one is to ever open this, okay?" He informed them.

"Right," They vowed.

Just then, a little six-year-old girl came skipping down the street. She was one of those little girls who loved lollipops and rainbows, dreamed of being a princess and owning her own pony one day, and was mostly likely made of sugar and spice, along with everything nice. Her name was Ellie. She saw the book in Scott's hand. "Oh! Pretty cover!" She took the book from him, and put it in the position it's in when you're holding it and just about to open the pages.

"No

!" cried the children, leaping for Ellie.

But it was too late. Ellie had opened the book, and Edward flew out, eyes red. Apparently he had decided to join James and was now looking for his first victim. He hovered in the air above the book for a while, turning around to smile hungrily and evilly at them.

"Oops," said Ellie. Instead of sounding like she'd just unleashed a lethal force on the world and probably caused the deaths of twenty people, she sounded like she'd simply dropped a pencil.

"Yeah, oops

!" The kids yelled at her.

Edward swooped away, for some reason deciding their blood wasn't good enough for the first try.

Voldemort was still lying there, faking some dramatic death.

They all stared after Edward for a while. Then Amy pulled out a perfume and gave it to Scott. She whispered something to him so that Ellie couldn't hear.

Scott gave Ellie the perfume. "Here you go! Try it on."

"Okay." Ellie sprayed some perfume on herself, seeing nothing wrong with taking items given to her by total strangers. She wrinkled her nose in disgust of the scent. "It smells weird."

Faith, who hadn't heard what Amy told Scott, said, "It smells a little like blood, actually. Freaky."

Suddenly Edward came flying back. "Blood?" He asked, grinning wickedly. He advanced toward Ellie.

Amy and Scott looked as though they just won the lottery. They apparently hated Ellie, even if they had only known her for about seventy-eight seconds. Faith, on the other hand, looked a little sick, just thinking about what would happen to the girl.

That's when everyone's view on Ellie changed.

Originally her voice was high-pitched and babyish. Now it had turned into this scary deep voice that definitely couldn't have been her own. "Vampire evasive maneuver!" She stated. From her back pocket Ellie pulled out a small handgun and shot Edward with it. It obviously had something painful to vamps in the bullet, because Edward keeled over and started writhing on the ground in a similar way Mr. S had done earlier, except instead of foaming candy canes it was bunny slippers.

Amy, Faith and Scott gaped in amazement.

Ellie turned to them, her frilly little curls bouncing all over the place. In her own voice she said, "My mommy taught me how to do that."

The kids just backed away a few paces.

"Those may be your last inches if you are not careful of what may lurk in the shadows."

More backing away.

Ellie glared. If looks could kill, they'd've dropped dead right then and there.

Amy, Faith and Scott turned around and made a run for it. "RUN AWAY!" they shouted, as though Ellie was a killer bunny. "RUN AWAY!"

"Bye!" Ellie called after them. This only made them sprint faster.

Voldemort stopped pretending to die when he realized he was alone with Ellie. Especially when he realized Scott still had his wand.

Ellie turned to Voldemort and smiled a scary smile.

"Oh dear," said the defenseless Voldie the Oldie.

~.~.~

When Amy, Faith and Scott had returned to the school, it was already time for lunch. They were laughing and talking