Petrified tears, Michaela Schmiedel [best management books of all time txt] 📗

Dear Mom,

First of all, I want to tell you that I hope you have found your peace. And you're better off now.
 
It was your decision to pluck yourself out of life so easily. At first I was so shocked, but also glad that the circus ended. Because you always wanted us to get you the medicine, that should kill you from your private prescriptions.
 
Shortly before, you took the new S-Bahn to me for the first time. I like to remember that because you hadn't left the house for years. Except maybe at night or to walk in the rain with Asta, our collie. Then drive to me, the black family, without the knowledge of the rest of the family. I almost fell over, I was so surprised to see you. My fridge was empty in Berg am Laim Street and my no. 1 husband was not yet working.
 
You went to a supermarket with me, but it was closed at lunchtime. Then we went back to the bakery and into the delicatessen next door. When you asked me what sausage I would like, I was totally flabbergasted. You said: If you don't say what you want right now, catch a waddle! I will probably never forget that sentence. The saleswoman looked stupidly out of the laundry, how you handled me. With the coffee you paid 70 DM.
Then you came again, this time with dad. He was waiting in the car, didn't even help you carry the boxes inside. The were filled with dishes, frying pans and various small items of household items. That was the last time I saw you alive ....................
 
You were in a hurry because papa was so eaten. You had been hurting him until he finally drove you to me. I had just gotten air for him after I just got away from him. He wanted to fill up the car and drive to London with me. But only for an abortion! I am still grateful to you for your warning! Because that's how you have a wonderful grandson. And granddaughter. Plus two great-grandchildren!

Damn it, mom, why didn't you wait two months? How many times we, B. and I sat down at the living room door overnight! When hell was going on again? How many times did I tell you: Mummy, you do the household because I don't like it and I go to work for it?
 
How many times have I said we take the little ones with us. Pack your things and finally leave him? How often?
You could only have waited two damn months !!
Then you would certainly not have stolen your life!
Then you would have joy again!
I was almost blown away by how you just spent the money. In my apartment you showed me how to make a good coffee. And you didn't let the water shoot through a coffee bean. Then the spoon got stuck with you. Incidentally, I still make the coffee by hand today, even with a pinch of salt in it.
 de can feel!
 
Yes, mom, it's so sad that your grandchildren have no grandma and we no longer have mom.
 
BUT..
Now I can even understand you! Because I know only too well what pain is!
And not only because of the physical pain limit, I can now empathize with you what you have endured!
The Creator and all of his angels be with you, mom!
I love you
Yes
Now I love you more
Unfortunately, I have to say that because you never allowed it before.
Your Ella
 PS. I dream a lot about you! And at some point I'll tell your story. I just have to keep a little distance to write it from a perspective free of emotions. Love, your Ella 

Text: © by E. M.Schmiedel
Images: --
Cover: free by pixabay MariaMichelle
Editing: © by E. M.Schmiedel
Translation: © by E. M.Schmiedel
Layout: --
Publication Date: 12-15-2019

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Dedication:
My mother C. S., born 25.12.1940 - + 6.1. - 8.1.1977 (unclear time of her death - according to the coroner)