Hold that Thought, - [top 20 books to read .txt] 📗
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Chana: Have you considered what you’d do if you did exit?
Andrew: I kind of want to start my own business selling hockey equipment.
Chana: So are you going to do that?
Andrew: I don’t know. It’s just too hard.
Chana: What about it is so hard?
Andrew: I’ve never started a business before.
Chana: So you’re afraid you don’t have enough experience?
Andrew: Yeah. But not just that. I mean, I’m not so charming. I don’t think people would buy from me.
Chana: Anything else holding you back?
Andrew: Yeah, I mean, the business climate is not what it used to be.
Chana: What else?
Andrew: Look at me, I’m not exactly a strapping lad like Bill Gates or Zuckerberg were. I’m too old to start something new.
Chana: So you’re too old, too inexperienced, and not charming. Is that it?
Andrew: Also, I’d need financial backing from family to make it. My parents are dirt poor.
Chana: And -
Andrew: And it’s so much work to start a business. I don’t think I have that kind of stamina.
Chana: What if you were able to muster the stamina to make it happen?
Andrew: Then what if I fail? I mean, most businesses do. Could I actually handle the possibility of that?
Chana: Anything else holding you back?
Andrew: I don’t think so. I think we’ve pretty much nailed all my concerns.
Chana: No wonder you feel stuck. You’ve built a sturdy Tower of Babble!
As with a real building, it’s easier to knock down the central pillars in the Tower of Babble than to try to topple the whole structure all at once. In Andrew’s case, a collection of pillars held up the belief that he couldn’t go out on his own and open a hockey supply business:
It’s too hard.
Since I’ve never opened up my own business, I’m likely to fail.
I don’t have enough experience.
I’m too old.
I need financial backing from family to succeed.
I’m not charming enough.
I don’t have enough stamina.
The business climate is not what it needs to be.
I couldn’t handle failing at business.
That’s NINE beliefs! Andrew constructed such a solid foundation of limiting beliefs that he needed to knock down several pillars before the tower could topple, and that’s what we did. We delved into Inquiry on the most potent of the above beliefs. After shifting five of them, the rest started to feel humorous rather than threatening. Without any divine intervention, Andrew’s Tower of Babble went tumbling down!
Identify the key thoughts holding up a Tower of Babble when you are overwhelmed by a particularly challenging belief. Uncovering all the thought pillars holding up your feelings of unworthiness or incapacitation can help you face your fears and move forward.
A tool that helps us clarify all the reasons we feel we deserve the junk we’ve got and don’t deserve the cake we want.
All that we are is the result of what we have thought.
—Buddha
M elanie kept dating the “wrong kind of guy” over and over again and wanted to change her pattern. She dreamed of building a family with a caring, supportive, and communicative man with whom she could connect deeply, but she feared that if she didn’t break her pattern, she’d be stuck dating “losers” for the rest of her life.
I asked Melanie to visualize her life ten years into the future with a man that she considered a “winner.” She was able to see everything from what their home would look like to how they’d spend their time together. We wrote the whole vision down in detail, and I had her visualize it repeatedly as homework.
Melanie complained about having a difficult time doing the visualization at home. “It just doesn’t feel believable.” She found getting a crystal clear image challenging. As a way of building a solid Thought Bank on this topic, I gave her the homework assignment of completing what I call a Just Desserts Chart. Such a chart collects all the beliefs supporting the Tower of Babble on why Melanie wasn’t moving forward in this area of her life. Melanie had beliefs holding her back and others blocking her from moving forward. These beliefs brought about her “Just Desserts” - what she believed she deserved in life. She was getting a cheap fast-food milkshake rather than the luxurious chocolate-fondue she wanted merely because her belief system didn’t allow her to ask for or receive anything better.
I asked Melanie to list the reasons that supported the statements at the top of the chart. You can see some of her responses below:
Why I deserve to date the “losers.” Why I don’t deserve a “winner.” It’s all I’ve ever known. Guys like that don’t exist. Guys like that are easy to meet. There’s probably not someone out there for me. I’m more comfortable around them. A good guy wouldn’t be interested in me. They like me. I would probably take advantage of a good guy. I can take care of them. I’m not worthy of someone that good. They make me feel special. Wanting someone like that would set me up for disappointment.Using the Just Desserts Chart, Melanie was able to build a Thought Bank that served as the basis for the next few sessions. We did Inquiry on most of the list until Melanie could enjoy visualizing her dream relationship and align her behavior towards manifesting it.
Bringing up the subconscious thoughts that drive our behavior makes personal growth work more effective, especially when we get the decadent dessert we desire as a reward.
Use a Just Desserts Chart when you want change but are deeply attached to or comfortable in your present situation.
Download a Just Desserts worksheet from the Free Bonus Section of my website:
Hold.ChanaMason.com/bonus.
A technique for visualizing the limiting beliefs that are standing between you and your dreams.
Surely there is grandeur in knowing that in the realm of thought, at least, you are without a chain; that you have the right to explore all heights and depth; that there are no walls nor fences, nor prohibited places, nor sacred corners in all the vast expanse of thought.
—Robert Green Ingersoll
I love helping a client develop an inspiring and exciting vision for their future and build a plan for actualizing it. I’m deeply aware, though, that if their blueprint of themselves, life, and reality is not in alignment with that vision, they’ll most likely fail to follow through on their plan, or they’ll find a way to sabotage it. Before working on a plan, I aim to draw out all the limiting beliefs that may hold my client back from manifesting their dream.
Dan, for instance, was plagued by thoughts that prevented him from moving his professional life forward:
Chana: What are you doing professionally now?
Dan: Well, I wouldn’t call it “professional” exactly. I’m just waiting tables at a café.
Chana: Why don’t you call it professional?
Dan: Cause it’s just a job to pay the bills. It’s not really what I want to do.
Chana: Why not?
Dan: It doesn’t pay well. And the hours aren’t great. But mostly, I don’t like working for other people.
Chana: So you want to go into business for yourself ?
Dan: Maybe.
Chana: Why the “maybe?”
Dan: It’s kind of silly.
Chana: What is?
Dan: What I kind of want to do.
Chana: And what is that?
Dan: Pottery. I’ve been doing it as a hobby for a couple of years now. The few hours I’m in my teacher’s studio are my favorite hours of the whole week.
Chana: So you want to be a potter?
Dan: My teacher says I’m quite talented. But…
Chana: But what?
Dan: Isn’t it crazy?
Chana: What’s crazy?
Dan: Being a potter. I couldn’t really do that.
Chana: Hmm. What if, just for the sake of argument, it wasn’t crazy? If the thought that being a potter is crazy wasn’t there, could you consider the possibility?
Dan: Maybe…
Chana: Would you be willing to imagine it just for a few minutes?
Dan: I suppose I could do that.
Chana: Great. Close your eyes. (Dan took some moments to breathe deeply and relax.) Imagine you’re five years in the future. You’re working as a potter. What do you see?
Dan: I have my own studio. It’s on the side of my home and faces a lake. There are huge glass windows so that natural light fills the studio most of the day.
Chana: What else do you see?
Dan: I’m making commissioned works for galleries and restaurants. I also sell pieces from my home. I’m newly married, and my wife loves eating out of the dishes I make. She really supports my work.
Chana: How are things for you financially in this vision?
Dan: We’re doing just fine. We live in a rural area so our cost of living isn’t so high, and we’re able to grow much of our food. It’s beautiful. Also, I’m constantly improving my craft, and I’m pretty good. I can support us with the pottery that I sell.
Chana: How does it feel to look at that vision?
Dan: Pretty good.
Chana: Not amazing?
Dan: Well, it’s kind of fun to talk about, but hard to believe. Getting a clear image of everything is hard. It’s blurry and mostly black and white.
Chana: So something is standing between you and the vision? Dan: Yeah. Like a fog.
Limiting beliefs can block us from going after our goals. For Dan, they’re presenting themselves as fog. Rather than trying to overcome something so intangible, it’s easier to work with actual words. The Obstacle Course technique helps us gather them. We’ll encourage Dan to give voice to the obstacles blocking him from moving forward by personifying his fog and having it “speak out” his fears. As you read the dialogue, I’d like to challenge you to take notes and create a Thought Bank of Dan’s stated and implied fears.
Chana: If you could give that fog a voice, what would it say?
Dan: That pottery is totally impractical. There’s no way I could ever make money doing that.
Chana: What else?
Dan: No way I could marry a woman that nice and that beautiful.
Chana: Why not?
Dan: I’m just not handsome or charming or good enough for that. Besides, I have, like, NO money.
Chana: What else does the fog say?
Dan: That I’ve always lived in a city and it’s ridiculous to think I would ever actually move to a lake. I could never pull that off. It’s just a pipe dream, like from a movie or something.
Chana: What else does the fog say?
Dan: That I could never get good enough at pottery to make money from it. That I could never get good enough to make pieces as stunning as I see in the vision. You have to be really special or talented or go to art school for years to get that good.
Chana: Anything else?
Dan: This is just a fantasy. It’s out of touch with
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