Mr. Darcy's Diary, Amanda Grange [elon musk reading list TXT] 📗

as I could!’ he added.

‘Would Mr Darcy then consider the rashness of your

original intention as atoned for by your obstinacy in

adhering to it?’ asked Elizabeth playfully.

‘Upon my word, I cannot explain the matter. Darcy

must speak for himself.’

I laid down my quill, all thoughts of my letter forgotten.

‘You expect me to account for opinions which you

choose to call mine, but which I have never acknowledged,’ I said with a smile.

‘To yield readily to the persuasion of a friend is no

merit with you,’ said Elizabeth.

Despite myself, I was drawn into her banter.

‘To yield without conviction is no compliment to the

understanding of either,’ I returned.

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‘You appear to me, Mr Darcy, to allow nothing for the

influence of friendship and affection.’

I saw Caroline looking horrified at our exchange, but

I was enjoying Elizabeth’s stimulating conversation.

‘Will it not be advisable to arrange the degree of intimacy subsisting between the parties before we decide?’ I

asked her.

‘By all means,’ cried Bingley. ‘Let us have all the particulars, not forgetting their comparative height and size,

for I assure you that if Darcy were not such a great tall

fellow I should not pay him half so much deference. I

declare I do not know a more awful object than Darcy,

at his own house especially, and of a Sunday evening

when he has nothing to do.’

I smiled, but I was offended nonetheless. I feared there

was a grain of truth in what Bingley said, and I did not

want Elizabeth to know it.

Elizabeth looked as though she would like to laugh,

but did not. I hope she is not afraid of me. But no. If

she was afraid of me, she would not laugh at me so

much!

‘I see your design, Bingley,’ I said, turning his remark

aside. ‘You dislike an argument, and want to silence this.’

‘Perhaps I do,’ Bingley admitted.

The liveliness had gone out of the conversation, and

an awkwardness prevailed. Elizabeth returned to her

needlework, and I returned to my letter.The clock ticked

on the mantelpiece. I finished my letter and put it aside.

The silence continued.

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To break it, I asked the ladies to favour us with some

music. Caroline and Louisa sang, and I found my gaze

wandering to Elizabeth. She is like no woman I have ever

met before. She is not beautiful, and yet I find I would

rather look at her face than any other. She is not gracious, and yet her manners please me better than any I

have met with. She is not learned, and yet she has an

intelligence that makes her a lively debater, and renders

her conversation stimulating. It is a long time since I have

had to fence with words, indeed I am not sure I have ever

done it before, and yet with her I am frequently engaged

in a duel of wits.

Caroline began to play a lively Scotch air, and moved

by a sudden impulse I said,‘Do not you feel a great inclination, Miss Bennet, to seize such an opportunity of

dancing a reel?’

She smiled, but did not answer. I found her silence

enigmatic. Is she a sphinx, sent to torment me? She must

be, for my thoughts are not usually so poetic.

Instead of disgusting me, however, her silence only

inflamed me more, and I repeated my question.

‘Oh,’ she said, ‘I heard you before; but could not

immediately determine what to say in reply.You wanted

me, I know, to say “Yes”, that you might have the pleasure of despising my taste; but I always delight in overthrowing those kind of schemes. I have therefore made

up my mind to tell you, that I do not want to dance a

reel at all – and now despise me if you dare.’

Did I really seem so perverse to her? I wondered.And

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yet I could not help smiling at her sally, and her bravery

in uttering it.

‘Indeed I do not dare,’ I said.

She looked surprised, as though she had expected a

cutting retort, and I was glad to have surprised her, the

more so because she is forever surprising me.

I find her quite bewitching, and if it were not for the

inferiority of her station in life I believe I might be in

some danger, for I have never been so captivated by a

woman in my life.

It was Caroline’s intervention that broke my train of

thought and prevented me from saying something I

might later have regretted.

‘I hope your sister is not feeling too poorly,’ said Caroline.‘I think I must go up to her room and see how she

does.’

‘I will come with you,’ said Elizabeth. ‘Poor Jane. I

have left her alone too long.’

They went upstairs, and I was left to wonder whether

Caroline had turned Elizabeth’s attention to her sister

deliberately, and to think how close I had come to

betraying my feelings.

Friday 15th November

It was a fine morning, and Caroline and I took a walk in

the shrubbery.

‘I wish you very happy in your marriage,’ she said as

we strolled along the path.

I wish she would leave the subject, but I fear there is

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little chance of that. She has been teasing me about my

supposed marriage for days.

‘I hope, though, that you will give your mother-inlaw a few hints, when this desirable event takes place, as

to the advantage of holding her tongue; and if you can

compass it, do cure the younger girls of running after the

officers.’

I smiled, but I was annoyed. She had hit on the very

reason I could not pursue my feelings. I could never have

Mrs Bennet for a mother-in-law. It would be insupportable.And as for the younger girls, to make them sisters to

Georgiana – no, it could not be done.

‘Have you anything else to propose for my domestic

felicity?’ I asked, not letting her see my irritation, for it

would only make her worse.

‘Do let the portraits of your uncle and aunt Philips be

placed in the