Mr. Darcy's Diary, Amanda Grange [elon musk reading list TXT] 📗

you not join us?’ said Caroline.

I declined.

‘There are only two reasons why you would wish to

walk together, and my presence would interfere with

both,’ I said.

My smile was not directed at Caroline, but at Elizabeth.

‘What can you mean?’ asked Caroline, amazed. ‘Miss

Eliza Bennet, do you know?’

‘Not at all,’ was her answer. ‘But depend upon it, he

means to be severe on us, and our surest way of disappointing him, will be to ask nothing about it.’

I felt my blood stir. She was fencing with me, even

though she was speaking to Caroline, and I was enjoying

the experience.

Caroline, however, could not fence. Caroline could

only say:‘I must know what he means. Come, Mr Darcy,

explain yourself.’

‘Very well. You are either in each other’s confidence

and have secret affairs to discuss, or you are conscious

that your figures appear to the greatest advantage in

walking; if the first, I should be completely in your way;

and if the second, I can admire you much better as I sit

by the fire.’

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‘Oh, shocking!’ exclaimed Caroline. ‘How shall we

punish him for such a speech?’

‘Nothing so easy, if you have but the inclination,’ said

Elizabeth with a gleam in her eye. ‘Tease him – laugh at

him. Intimate as you are, you must know how it is to be

done.’

‘Tease calmness of temper and presence of mind! And

as to laughter, we will not expose ourselves, if you please,

by attempting to laugh without a subject. Mr Darcy may

hug himself.’

‘Mr Darcy is not to be laughed at!’ cried Elizabeth.

‘That is an uncommon advantage. I dearly love a laugh.’

And so do I. But I do not like to be laughed at. I could

not say so, however.

‘Miss Bingley has given me credit for more than can

be,’ I said.‘The wisest of men may be rendered ridiculous

by a person whose first object in life is a joke.’

‘I hope I never ridicule what is wise or good,’ she

returned. ‘Follies and nonsense do divert me, but these, I

suppose, are precisely what you are without.’

‘Perhaps that is not possible for anyone. But it has

been the study of my life to avoid those weaknesses

which often expose a strong understanding to ridicule.’

‘Such as vanity and pride.’

‘Vanity, yes. But where there is a real superiority of

mind, pride will always be under good regulation,’ I said.

Elizabeth turned away to hide a smile.

I did not know why it should be, but her smile hurt

me. I believe it made me short-tempered, for when she

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said: ‘Mr Darcy has no defect. He owns it himself without disguise,’ I was stung to reply: ‘I have faults enough,

but they are not, I hope, of understanding. My temper I

dare not vouch for. It would perhaps be called resentful.

My good opinion once lost is lost for ever.’

As I spoke, I thought of George Wickham.

‘That is a failing indeed,’ said Elizabeth. ‘Implacable

resentment is a shade in a character. But you have chosen your fault well. I really cannot laugh at it.You are safe

from me.’

But I am not safe from you, I thought.

‘Do let us have a little music,’ said Caroline, tired of

having no part in the conversation.

The pianoforte was opened, and she begged Elizabeth

to play.

I was annoyed with her at the time, but after a few

minutes I began to be glad of it.

I am paying Elizabeth far too much attention. She

beguiles me. And yet it would be folly to find myself

falling in love with her. I mean to marry quite a different sort of woman, one whose fortune and ancestry

match my own. I will pay Elizabeth no more attention.

Saturday 16th November

Bingley and I rode to the east this morning and examined

more of the estate. He was pleased with everything he saw

and pronounced it all capital. I pointed out that the fences

were broken and the land needed draining, but he said

only:‘Yes, I suppose it does.’ I know he has an easy nature,

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but there was something more than his usual compliance

in his manner. I suspected he was not really paying attention, but was worried about Miss Bennet. It is unfortunate that she should have been taken ill whilst visiting his

sisters. It has set the household by the ears. It has also

brought me too much into contact with Elizabeth.

True to my resolve, I paid Elizabeth no notice when

she walked into the drawing-room with her sister later

this morning, when Bingley and I had returned from our

ride. After greetings had been exchanged, Miss Bennet

begged the loan of Bingley’s carriage.

‘My mother cannot spare our carriage until Tuesday,

but I am much recovered and we cannot trespass on your

hospitality any longer,’ she said.

I felt a mixture of emotions: relief that Elizabeth

would soon be removing from Netherfield, and regret

that I would not be able to talk to her any longer.

Bingley did not share Miss Bennet’s view.

‘It is too soon!’ he cried.‘You might seem better when

you are sitting by the fire, but you are not yet well

enough to withstand the journey. Caroline, tell Miss

Bennet that she must stay.’

‘Dear Jane, of course you must stay,’ said Caroline. I

detected a coolness in her voice, and was not surprised

when she added: ‘We cannot think of letting you leave

before tomorrow.’

A stay of more than one extra day did not please her.

Bingley looked surprised, but Miss Bennet agreed to

this suggestion.

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‘Even tomorrow is far too soon,’ protested Bingley.

‘It is very kind of you, but we really must leave then,’

said Miss Bennet.

She is a sweet girl but she can also be firm, and nothing Bingley could say would shake her resolve.

I was conscious of a need to be on my guard during

this last day. I had paid Elizabeth too much attention during her stay, and I was belatedly aware that it could have

given rise to expectations. I