Happy Kids, Cathy Glass [best ebook reader for ubuntu .TXT] 📗

and baby is settling straight after feeding or being put down for a rest. Babies vary greatly in the amount of reassurance and sleep they need, and also to the degree to which they are affected by external stimuli. While one baby might sleep through an entire house party, another might be woken and become anxious by a door closing. Baby literature that continually quotes a norm – for example, at four months baby should be sleeping for x amount of hours – should be viewed with caution, as any parent will verify. One baby I looked after slept fourteen (unbroken) hours a night from two months old. Another only ever managed seven (broken) hours until she was two, but using the 3Rs she did learn to lie in her cot contentedly until I went in. The length of time needed to resettle a baby decreases each time you use the 3Rs, until eventually baby realises that its needs will be met and there’s no need to panic and scream.

That’s night-time. So what happens during the day when baby won’t settle? You apply the same 3Rs technique. You will be organising your day to suit your lifestyle, and baby will slowly be fitting in. Play with baby, and give him or her lots of kisses and cuddles. You can’t give a young baby too much attention, despite what some baby gurus suggest; you can’t and won’t spoil a baby, so enjoy him or her during the day when he or she is awake – babies thrive on love and attention. But when it’s time for baby to sleep, or settle in the cot, while you get on with something else or just have a coffee, baby needs to learn what is expected. So use the 3Rs approach.

I would always suggest settling baby for a daytime sleep in the cot he or she sleeps in at night, rather than on the sofa or in the pram. It reinforces the idea that the cot and room equals sleep/quiet time. Make the room as dark and quiet as possible, as it is at night. Request baby to go to sleep by going through your routine of laying him down and tucking him in; then come out of the room just as you did at night-time. If baby doesn’t settle, then go in quietly and Repeat by resettling. Come out again and Repeat for as long as is necessary. Investment of time now (as at night) will soon be well rewarded. Try not to pick up baby if he’s supposed to be settling in his cot. There will be plenty of other times during the day when you can pick him up, cuddle and play with him (as indeed you should), but if you want baby to go down for a nap, Reassure and resettle, then come out. It can be very confusing for a baby to be continuously picked up and put down; he or she will become unsettled by your mixed messages, and won’t know what you want. Request, Repeat and Reassure gives baby a clear message which he or she will soon follow.

If you establish the routine and ground rules right from the beginning, so that baby knows what to expect, your role as a parent will be that much easier as the child grows. Request, Repeat and Reassure equals security and routine for babies, and in due course well-adjusted, loving and respectful children who are a credit to your parenting.

Toddler and the Terrible Twos: 1–3

If you were surprised by just how much of a personality and mind of its own baby had in the first year, it’s nothing compared to what happens now. To your absolute delight, baby crawls, begins to talk, toddles and then walks confidently. He or she is now able to explore a whole new world, which had hitherto been out of reach. With this mobility comes limitless possibilities and choices; and the toddler makes more demands, becomes increasingly assertive and challenges you.

Toddlers are inquisitive and naturally want to explore the world around them; they also want to take responsibility for their own lives – more so than they are capable of. They want to be liked, which is a great bonus for parents (and carers), as a young child can quickly learn that cooperation puts them in a favourable light and makes their parents happy. During these early years the child also imitates the behaviour of those around them – particularly those he or she spends most time with (parents and carers) – and uses their behaviour as a role model. This imitation is another bonus in socialising the child and achieving acceptable behaviour, but just as a young child imitates positive behaviour so he or she will also copy negative behaviour.

Dr Spock (a 1960s child psychologist) asserted that the key to a child’s good behaviour was positive guidance in a loving family. Agreed. But even in the most loving of families there will still be plenty of instances where a young child behaves unacceptably. Often this negative behaviour takes the parents by surprise, as it appears to have come from nowhere, and is not generic in the family’s behaviour. Outbursts of negative behaviour are a natural part of a young child’s development, as he or she begins to test the boundaries of their autonomy, but this unacceptable behaviour still needs addressing; otherwise it will develop and become the norm.

Terrible twos

The ‘terrible twos’ is a term which sums up the little individual who, having discovered his or her autonomy, has developed very strong views on many issues, and clearly believes he or she knows best. This stage can start before the child’s second birthday and extend long after, and is regarded by many parents as the most trying time in a child’s life. With the toddler’s liberation from the cot and pram he or she has gained a tremendous feeling of freedom: freedom to explore, make decisions and leave his or her mark