The School for Scandal, Richard Brinsley Sheridan [i am reading a book .TXT] 📗

epub:type="z3998:persona">Rowley It certainly is edification to hear him talk. Sir Oliver Oh, he’s a model for the young men of the age. — But how’s this, Sir Peter? you don’t join us in your friend Joseph’s praise, as I expected. Sir Peter Sir Oliver, we live in a damned wicked world, and the fewer we praise the better. Rowley What! do you say so, Sir Peter, who were never mistaken in your life? Sir Peter Pshaw! plague on you both! I see by your sneering you have heard the whole affair. I shall go mad among you! Rowley Then, to fret you no longer, Sir Peter, we are indeed acquainted with it all. I met Lady Teazle coming from Mr. Surface’s so humble, that she deigned to request me to be her advocate with you. Sir Peter And does Sir Oliver know all this? Sir Oliver Every circumstance. Sir Peter What of the closet and the screen, hey? Sir Oliver Yes, yes, and the little French milliner. Oh, I have been vastly diverted with the story! ha! ha! ha! Sir Peter ’T was very pleasant. Sir Oliver I never laughed more in my life, I assure you; ah! ah! ah! Sir Peter Oh, vastly diverting! ha! ha! ha! Rowley To be sure, Joseph with his sentiments! ha! ha! ha! Sir Peter Yes, yes, his sentiments! ha! ha! ha! Hypocritical villain! Sir Oliver Ay, and that rogue Charles to pull Sir Peter out of the closet! ha! ha! ha! Sir Peter Ha! ha! ’twas devilish entertaining, to be sure! Sir Oliver Ha! ha! ha! Egad, Sir Peter, I should like to have seen your face when the screen was thrown down! ha! ha! Sir Peter Yes, yes, my face when the screen was thrown down: ha! ha! ha! Oh, I must never show my head again! Sir Oliver But come, come, it isn’t fair to laugh at you neither, my old friend; though, upon my soul, I can’t help it. Sir Peter Oh, pray don’t restrain your mirth on my account: it does not hurt me at all! I laugh at the whole affair myself. Yes, yes, I think being a standing jest for all one’s acquaintance a very happy situation. Oh, yes, and then of a morning to read the paragraphs about Mr.⁠⸺, Lady T⁠⸺, and Sir P⁠⸺, will be so entertaining! Rowley Without affectation, Sir Peter, you may despise the ridicule of fools. But I see Lady Teazle going towards the next room; I am sure you must desire a reconciliation as earnestly as she does. Sir Oliver Perhaps my being here prevents her coming to you. Well, I’ll leave honest Rowley to mediate between you; but he must bring you all presently to Mr. Surface’s, where I am now returning, if not to reclaim a libertine, at least to expose hypocrisy. Sir Peter Ah, I’ll be present at your discovering yourself there with all my heart; though ’tis a vile unlucky place for discoveries. Rowley We’ll follow. Exit Sir Oliver Surface. Sir Peter She is not coming here, you see, Rowley. Rowley No, but she has left the door of that room open, you perceive. See, she is in tears. Sir Peter Certainly, a little mortification appears very becoming in a wife. Don’t you think it will do her good to let her pine a little? Rowley Oh, this is ungenerous in you! Sir Peter Well, I know not what to think. You remember the letter I found of hers evidently intended for Charles? Rowley A mere forgery, Sir Peter! laid in your way on purpose. This is one of the points which I intend Snake shall give you conviction of. Sir Peter I wish I were once satisfied of that. She looks this way. What a remarkably elegant turn of the head she has. Rowley, I’ll go to her. Rowley Certainly. Sir Peter Though, when it is known that we are reconciled, people will laugh at me ten times more. Rowley Let them laugh, and retort their malice only by showing them you are happy in spite of it. Sir Peter I’ faith, so I will! and, if I’m not mistaken, we may yet be the happiest couple in the country. Rowley Nay, Sir Peter, he who once lays aside suspicion⁠— Sir Peter Hold, Master Rowley I if you have any regard for me, never let me hear you utter anything like a sentiment: I have had enough of them to serve me the rest of my life. Exeunt. Scene III

The library in Joseph Surface’s house.

Enter Joseph Surface and Lady Sneerwell. Lady Sneerwell Impossible! Will not Sir Peter immediately be reconciled to Charles, and of course no longer oppose his union with Maria? The thought is distraction to me. Joseph Surface Can passion furnish a remedy? Lady Sneerwell No, nor cunning either. Oh, I was a fool, an idiot, to league with such a blunderer! Joseph Surface Sure, Lady Sneerwell, I am the greatest sufferer; yet you see I bear the accident with calmness. Lady Sneerwell Because the disappointment doesn’t reach your heart; your interest only attached you to Maria. Had you felt for her what I have for that ungrateful libertine, neither your temper nor hypocrisy could prevent your showing the sharpness of your vexation. Joseph Surface But why should your reproaches fall on me for this disappointment? Lady Sneerwell Are you not the cause of it? Had you not a sufficient field for your roguery in imposing upon Sir Peter, and supplanting your brother, but you must endeavour to seduce his wife? I hate such an avarice of crimes; ’tis an unfair monopoly, and never prospers. Joseph Surface Well, I admit I have been to blame. I confess I deviated from the direct road of wrong, but I don’t think we’re so totally defeated neither. Lady Sneerwell No! Joseph Surface You tell me you have made a trial of Snake since we met, and that you still believe him faithful to us? Lady Sneerwell I do believe so. Joseph Surface And that he has undertaken, should it be necessary, to swear and prove that Charles is at this time contracted by vows and honour to your ladyship, which some of his former letters to you will serve to support?