The School for Scandal, Richard Brinsley Sheridan [i am reading a book .TXT] 📗

your hand, Charles⁠—I believe I have suspected you wrongfully: but you mustn’t be angry with Joseph⁠—’twas my plan! Charles Surface Indeed. Sir Peter But I acquit you. I promise you I don’t think near so ill of you as I did: what I have heard has given me great satisfaction. Charles Surface Egad, then, ’twas lucky you didn’t hear any more. Wasn’t it, Joseph? Aside to Joseph. Sir Peter Ah! you would have retorted on him. Charles Surface Ah, ay, that was a joke. Sir Peter Yes, yes, I know his honour too well. Charles Surface But you might as well have suspected him as me in this matter, for all that. Mightn’t he, Joseph? Aside to Joseph. Sir Peter Well, well, I believe you. Joseph Surface Would they were both out of the room! Aside. Sir Peter And in future, perhaps we may not be such strangers. Reenter Servant, and whispers Joseph Surface. Servant Lady Sneerwell is below, and says she will come up. Joseph Surface Lady Sneerwell! Gad’s life! she must not come here. Exit Servant. Gentlemen, I beg pardon⁠—I must wait on you downstairs: here is a person come on particular business. Charles Surface Well, you can see him in another room. Sir Peter and I have not met a long time, and I have something to say to him. Joseph Surface Aside. They must not be left together. — Aloud. I’ll send this man away, and return directly. — Aside to Sir Peter. Sir Peter, not a word of the French milliner. Sir Peter Aside to Joseph Surface. I! not for the world!⁠— Exit Joseph Surface. Ah, Charles, if you associated more with your brother, one might indeed hope for your reformation. He is a man of sentiment. — Well, there is nothing in the world so noble as a man of sentiment. Charles Surface Pshaw! he is too moral by half; and so apprehensive of his good name, as he calls it, that I suppose he would as soon let a priest into his house as a girl. Sir Peter No, no⁠—come, come⁠—you wrong him. No, no! Joseph is no rake, but he is no such saint either in that respect. — Aside. I have a great mind to tell him⁠—we should have such a laugh at Joseph. Charles Surface Oh, hang him! he’s a very anchorite, a young hermit. Sir Peter Hark’ee⁠—you must not abuse him; he may chance to hear of it again, I promise you. Charles Surface Why, you won’t tell him? Sir Peter No⁠—but⁠—this way. — Aside. Egad, I’ll tell him. — Aloud. Hark’ee⁠—have you a mind to have a good laugh at Joseph? Charles Surface I should like it of all things. Sir Peter Then, i’ faith, we will!⁠—I’ll be quit with him for discovering me. — He had a girl with him when I called. Whispers. Charles Surface What! Joseph? you jest. Sir Peter Hush!⁠—a little French milliner⁠—and the best of the jest is⁠—she is in the room now. Charles Surface The devil she is! Sir Peter Hush! I tell you. Points to the screen. Charles Surface Behind the screen! ’Slife, let’s unveil her! Sir Peter No, no⁠—he’s coming:⁠—you shan’t indeed! Charles Surface Oh, egad, we’ll have a peep at the little milliner! Sir Peter Not for the world!⁠—Joseph will never forgive me. Charles Surface I’ll stand by you⁠— Sir Peter Odds, here he is! Reenter Joseph Surface just as Charles Surface throws down the screen.22 Charles Surface Lady Teazle, by all that’s wonderful. Sir Peter Lady Teazle, by all that’s damnable!23 Charles Surface Sir Peter, this is one of the smartest French milliners I ever saw. Egad, you seem all to have been diverting yourselves here at hide and seek, and I don’t see who is out of the secret. Shall I beg your ladyship to inform me? Not a word!⁠—Brother, will you be pleased to explain this matter? What! is Morality dumb too?⁠—Sir Peter, though I found you in the dark, perhaps you are not so now! All mute!⁠—Well⁠—though I can make nothing of the affair, I suppose you perfectly understand one another; so I will leave you to yourselves. — Going. Brother, I’m sorry to find you have given that worthy man grounds for so much uneasiness. — Sir Peter! there’s nothing in the world so noble as a man of sentiment! They stand for some time looking at each other. Exit Charles. Joseph Surface Sir Peter⁠—notwithstanding⁠—I confess⁠—that appearances are against me⁠—if you will afford me your patience⁠—I make no doubt⁠—but I shall explain everything to your satisfaction. Sir Peter If you please, sir. Joseph Surface The fact is, sir, that Lady Teazle, knowing my pretensions to your ward Maria⁠—I say sir, Lady Teazle, being apprehensive of the jealousy of your temper⁠—and knowing my friendship to the family⁠—she, sir, I say⁠—called here⁠—in order that⁠—I might explain these pretensions⁠—but on your coming⁠—being apprehensive⁠—as I said⁠—of your jealousy⁠—she withdrew⁠—and this, you may depend on it, is the whole truth of the matter. Sir Peter A very clear account, upon my word; and I dare swear the lady will vouch for every article of it. Lady Teazle For not one word of it, Sir Peter! Sir Peter How! don’t you think it worth while to agree in the lie? Lady Teazle There is not one syllable of truth in what that gentleman has told you. Sir Peter I believe you, upon my soul, ma’am! Joseph Surface Aside to Lady Teazle. ’Sdeath, madam, will you betray me? Lady Teazle Good Mr. Hypocrite, by your leave, I’ll speak for myself. Sir Peter Ay, let her alone, sir; you’ll find she’ll make out a better story than you, without prompting. Lady Teazle Hear me, Sir Peter!⁠—I came here on no matter relating to your ward, and even ignorant of this gentleman’s pretensions to her. But I came, seduced by his insidious arguments, at least to listen to his pretended passion, if not to sacrifice your honour to his baseness. Sir Peter Now, I believe, the truth is coming, indeed! Joseph Surface The woman’s mad. Lady Teazle No, sir; she has recovered her senses,