The School for Scandal, Richard Brinsley Sheridan [i am reading a book .TXT] 📗

bad character are great points in my favour. Knocking heard without. Servant Sir, I believe that must be Lady Teazle. Joseph Surface Hold! See whether it is or not, before you go to the door: I have a particular message for you if it should be my brother. Servant ’T is her ladyship, sir; she always leaves her chair at the milliner’s in the next street. Joseph Surface Stay, stay; draw that screen before the windows20⁠—that will do;⁠—my opposite neighbour is a maiden lady of so curious a temper. — Servant draws the screen, and exit. I have a difficult hand to play in this affair. Lady Teazle has lately suspected my views on Maria; but she must by no means be let into that secret⁠—at least till I have her more in my power. Enter Lady Teazle. Lady Teazle What, sentiment in soliloquy now? Have you been very impatient? O Lud! don’t pretend to look grave. I vow I couldn’t come before. Joseph Surface O madam, punctuality is a species of constancy, very unfashionable in a lady of quality. Places chairs and sits after Lady Teazle is seated. Lady Teazle Upon my word, you ought to pity me. Do you know Sir Peter has grown so ill-natured to me of late, and so jealous of Charles too⁠—that’s the best of the story, isn’t it? Joseph Surface I am glad my scandalous friends keep that up. Aside. Lady Teazle I am sure I wish he would let Maria marry him, and then perhaps he would be convinced; don’t you, Mr. Surface? Joseph Surface Aside. Indeed I do not. — Aloud. Oh, certainly I do! for then my dear Lady Teazle would also be convinced how wrong her suspicions were of my having any design on the silly girl. Lady Teazle Well, well, I’m inclined to believe you. But isn’t it provoking, to have the most ill-natured things said of one? And there’s my friend Lady Sneerwell has circulated I don’t know how many scandalous tales of me, and all without any foundation too;⁠—that’s what vexes me. Joseph Surface Ay, madam, to be sure, that is the provoking circumstance⁠—without foundation; yes, yes, there’s the mortification, indeed; for, when a scandalous story is believed against one, there certainly is no comfort like the consciousness of having deserved it. Lady Teazle No, to be sure, then I’d forgive their malice; but to attack me, who am really so innocent, and who never say an ill-natured thing of anybody⁠—that is, of any friend; and then Sir Peter, too, to have him so peevish, and so suspicious, when I know the integrity of my own heart⁠—indeed ’tis monstrous! Joseph Surface But, my dear Lady Teazle, ’tis your own fault if you suffer it. When a husband entertains a groundless suspicion of his wife, and withdraws his confidence from her, the original compact is broken, and she owes it to the honour of her sex to endeavour to outwit him. Lady Teazle Indeed!⁠—So that, if he suspects me without cause, it follows, that the best way of curing his jealousy is to give him reason for ’t? Joseph Surface Undoubtedly⁠—for your husband should never be deceived in you: and in that case it becomes you to be frail in compliment to his discernment. Lady Teazle To be sure, what you say is very reasonable, and when the consciousness of my innocence⁠— Joseph Surface Ah, my dear madam, there is the great mistake! ’tis this very conscious innocence that is of the greatest prejudice to you.21 What is it makes you negligent of forms, and careless of the world’s opinion? why, the consciousness of your own innocence. What makes you thoughtless in your conduct and apt to run into a thousand little imprudences? why, the consciousness of your own innocence. What makes you impatient of Sir Peter’s temper, and outrageous at his suspicions? why, the consciousness of your innocence. Lady Teazle ’T is very true! Joseph Surface Now, my dear Lady Teazle, if you would but once make a trifling faux pas, you can’t conceive how cautious you would grow, and how ready to humour and agree with your husband. Lady Teazle Do you think so? Joseph Surface Oh, I am sure on’t; and then you would find all scandal would cease at once, for⁠—in short, your character at present is like a person in a plethora, absolutely dying from too much health. Lady Teazle So, so; then I perceive your prescription is, that I must sin in my own defence, and part with my virtue to preserve my reputation? Joseph Surface Exactly so, upon my credit, ma’am. Lady Teazle Well, certainly this is the oddest doctrine, and the newest receipt for avoiding calumny! Joseph Surface An infallible one, believe me. Prudence, like experience, must be paid for. Lady Teazle Why, if my understanding were once convinced⁠— Joseph Surface Oh, certainly, madam, your understanding should be convinced. Yes, yes⁠—Heaven forbid I should persuade you to do anything you thought wrong. No, no, I have too much honour to desire it. Lady Teazle Don’t you think we may as well leave honour out of the argument? Rises. Joseph Surface Ah, the ill effects of your country education, I see, still remain with you. Lady Teazle I doubt they do indeed; and I will fairly own to you, that if I could be persuaded to do wrong, it would be by Sir Peter’s ill usage sooner than your honourable logic, after all. Joseph Surface Then, by this hand, which he is unworthy of⁠—Taking her hand. Reenter Servant. ’Sdeath, you blockhead⁠—what do you want? Servant I beg your pardon, sir, but I thought you would not choose Sir Peter to come up without announcing him. Joseph Surface Sir Peter!⁠—Oons⁠—the devil! Lady Teazle Sir Peter! O Lud! I’m ruined! I’m ruined! Servant Sir, ’twasn’t I let him in. Lady Teazle Oh! I’m quite undone! What will become of me? Now, Mr. Logic⁠—Oh! mercy, sir, he’s on the stairs⁠—I’ll get behind here⁠—and if ever I’m so imprudent again⁠—Goes behind the screen. Joseph Surface Give me that book. Sits down. Servant pretends to adjust his chair.