The School for Scandal, Richard Brinsley Sheridan [i am reading a book .TXT] 📗

I’m sure she’s not your enemy in the affair. Joseph Surface Pray, Sir Peter, now oblige me. I am really too much affected by the subject we have been speaking of, to bestow a thought on my own concerns. The man who is entrusted with his friend’s distresses can never⁠— Reenter Servant. Well, sir? Servant Your brother, sir, is speaking to a gentleman in the street, and says he knows you are within. Joseph Surface ’Sdeath, blockhead, I’m not within⁠—I’m out for the day. Sir Peter Stay⁠—hold⁠—a thought has struck me:⁠—you shall be at home. Joseph Surface Well, well, let him up. — Exit Servant. He’ll interrupt Sir Peter, however. Aside. Sir Peter Now, my good friend, oblige me, I entreat you. — Before Charles comes, let me conceal myself somewhere⁠—then do you tax him on the point we have been talking, and his answer may satisfy me at once. Joseph Surface Oh, fie, Sir Peter! would you have me join in so mean a trick?⁠—to trepan my brother too? Sir Peter Nay, you tell me you are sure he is innocent; if so, you do him the greatest service by giving him an opportunity to clear himself, and you will set my heart at rest. Come, you shall not refuse me: Going up. here behind the screen will be⁠—Hey! what the devil! there seems to be one listener here already⁠—I’ll swear I saw a petticoat! Joseph Surface Ha! ha! ha! Well, this is ridiculous enough. I’ll tell you, Sir Peter, though I hold a man of intrigue to be a most despicable character, yet, you know, it does not follow that one is to be an absolute Joseph either! Hark’ee, ’tis a little French milliner⁠—a silly rogue that plagues me;⁠—and having some character to lose, on your coming, sir, she ran behind the screen. Sir Peter Ah, Joseph! Joseph! Did I ever think that you⁠—But, egad, she has overheard all I have been saying of my wife. Joseph Surface Oh, ’t will never go any farther, you may depend upon it! Sir Peter No! then, faith, let her hear it out.⁠—Here’s a closet will do as well. Joseph Surface Well, go in there. Sir Peter Sly rogue! sly rogue! Goes into the closet. Joseph Surface A narrow escape, indeed! and a curious situation I’m in, to part man and wife in this manner. Lady Teazle Peeping. Couldn’t I steal off? Joseph Surface Keep close, my angel! Sir Peter Peeping. Joseph, tax him home. Joseph Surface Back, my dear friend! Lady Teazle Peeping. Couldn’t you lock Sir Peter in? Joseph Surface Be still, my life! Sir Peter Peeping. You’re sure the little milliner won’t blab? Joseph Surface In, in, my dear Sir Peter!⁠—’Fore Gad, I wish I had a key to the door. Enter Charles Surface. Charles Surface Holla! brother, what has been the matter? Your fellow would not let me up at first. What! have you had a Jew or a wench with you? Joseph Surface Neither, brother, I assure you. Charles Surface But what has made Sir Peter steal off? I thought he had been with you. Joseph Surface He was, brother; but, hearing you were coming, he did not choose to stay. Charles Surface What! was the old gentleman afraid I wanted to borrow money of him? Joseph Surface No, sir: but I am sorry to find, Charles, you have lately given that worthy man grounds for great uneasiness. Charles Surface Yes, they tell me I do that to a great many worthy men. — But how so, pray? Joseph Surface To be plain with you, brother⁠—he thinks you are endeavouring to gain Lady Teazle’s affections from him. Charles Surface Who, I? O Lud! not I, upon my word. — Ha! ha! ha! ha! so the old fellow has found out that he has got a young wife, has he?⁠—or, what is worse, Lady Teazle has found out she has an old husband? Joseph Surface This is no subject to jest on, brother. He who can laugh⁠— Charles Surface True, true, as you were going to say⁠—then, seriously, I never had the least idea of what you charge me with, upon my honour. Joseph Surface Well, it will give Sir Peter great satisfaction to hear this. Raising his voice. Charles Surface To be sure, I once thought the lady seemed to have taken a fancy to me; but, upon my soul, I never gave her the least encouragement. — Besides, you know my attachment to Maria. Joseph Surface But sure, brother, even if Lady Teazle had betrayed the fondest partiality for you⁠— Charles Surface Why, look’ee, Joseph, I hope I shall never deliberately do a dishonourable action; but if a pretty woman was purposely to throw herself in my way⁠—and that pretty woman married to a man old enough to be her father⁠— Joseph Surface Well! Charles Surface Why, I believe I should be obliged to⁠— Joseph Surface What? Charles Surface To borrow a little of your morality, that’s all. But, brother, do you know now that you surprise me exceedingly, by naming me with Lady Teazle; for, i’ faith, I always understood you were her favourite. Joseph Surface Oh, for shame, Charles! This retort is foolish. Charles Surface Nay, I swear I have seen you exchange such significant glances⁠— Joseph Surface Nay, nay, sir, this is no jest. Charles Surface Egad, I’m serious! Don’t you remember one day, when I called here⁠— Joseph Surface Nay, prithee, Charles⁠— Charles Surface And found you together⁠— Joseph Surface Zounds, sir, I insist⁠— Charles Surface And another time when your servant⁠— Joseph Surface Brother, brother, a word with you. — Aside. Gad, I must stop him. Charles Surface Informed, I say, that⁠— Joseph Surface Hush! I beg your pardon, but Sir Peter has overheard all we have been saying. I knew you would clear yourself, or I should not have consented. Charles Surface How, Sir Peter! Where is he? Joseph Surface Softly, there! Points to the closet. Charles Surface Oh, ’fore Heaven, I’ll have him out. Sir Peter, come forth! Joseph Surface No, no⁠— Charles Surface I say, Sir Peter, come into court. — Pulls in Sir Peter. What! my old guardian!⁠—What! turn inquisitor, and take evidence incog? Oh, fie! Oh, fie! Sir Peter Give me