Caught in Us (Caught Series Book 4), Kacey Shea [top 50 books to read .TXT] 📗

likely asking because I rarely catch meetings this late, or unplanned—not anymore.

“Yeah.” More guilt makes its way into my mind. “Sorry, I know we haven’t seen each other much this week.” A meeting will do me good, but I also crave space—distance from Julia because I can’t share with her what’s running through my head.

“Go.” She places her hand in the center of my chest, drawing my attention to her, the present, my life now. “I’ll head home. I’m exhausted, but you have a key. Come by and wake me if you want.”

She’s too good to me. She really is. I never thought I could feel affection, love, and protection—the healthy kind—over another person again. Not after Tiff, and not after Alicia left. But time does heal all wounds, especially when you put in the hard work. Julia came into my life like a rainbow after the storm. Calm. Bright. Good. She’s self-assured in a way I admire, if not covet, and for some crazy reason she decided to love me.

I brush my lips against hers, needing to convey how much I appreciate her, and remind myself she’s the one I should be kissing. “Thank you.”

She wraps her arms around me, nuzzling her head into my chest and inhaling a long breath before letting me go. “Love you.” She grabs her bag and phone from the counter and heads for the door.

I should say it back. I usually do. But the words feel shallow after everything that happened today. Guilt settles in my chest because Julia isn’t the only woman on my mind right now. I pick up my keys and wallet, following a few steps behind her.

“Drive safe.” I wave goodbye as she gets in her car. “Text me when you get home.”

“I will.” She smiles and waves, shutting her door as I turn away to climb into my truck.

The tension in my shoulders eases as I drive toward my meeting. The promise of a safe space where I can sit amongst others who will understand instantly releases some of my self-loathing. These people will empathize because they know what it’s like to live with addiction. They know what it’s like to sometimes screw up.

Memories of that summer with Alicia hang in the shadows of my memories. Like a song I forgot I loved, but when the tune comes on the radio, I know every damn word. And just the same, I can’t get her out of my head.

Part of me hopes she’s thinking of me, too. Maybe then I wouldn’t feel so reckless, or irresponsible. I’ve made a good life without her, even after she left with a piece of my heart. But now I have to wonder, was I ever anything to her, or was our summer together a moment she’d rather forget? God, I hope not. Crazy and stupid as it is, I hope that every day with Matthew has been a reminder of something good and perfect.

19

Alicia

“Again! Again!” Matthew claps, loving the attention from my brothers as they take turns spinning him around in one of the swivel patio chairs. I would have lost my dinner by now. But my child could probably do this for hours.

“It’s bath time,” I say, scooping him into my arms before he throws a fit. “Tell Uncle Ricky and Uncle Eddie good night.”

“Nigh’ nigh’!” Matthew says, waving his hand.

“Night, little man.” Eddie walks over to kiss the top of his head. “We’ll play again on Sunday.”

“Sun-yay!” Matthew cheers.

“That’s right.” Eddie laughs and musses his hair. He takes a few steps toward the house, pointing to Ricky and Simon. “I’m gonna grab another beer, you want one?”

“No, I’m good.” Simon declines, probably more on my behalf.

“Sure. I’ll take one,” Ricky says, leaning back in his chair as we pass by. “Cute kid you got, little sis.” He holds out a closed fist and Matthew mimics him, bumping his little knuckles against my brother’s much larger ones the way they taught him earlier.

“I can take him up,” Simon offers, standing from his seat. “Get him ready for bed.”

“Okay, thanks,” I agree, handing Matthew over. I’ve been leaning on Simon so much this week and a tinge of guilt works its way into my gut. In London, it’s the same because I work a lot, and I gave up the mom guilt for that a long time ago. But here, when we’re supposed to be on vacation, I feel horrible that Simon’s spent more waking hours with Matthew than I have. “I’ll be up in a few minutes to tuck him in.”

“Sounds good.” Simon bounces Matthew as they walk inside, earning a few infectious giggles from my little boy. “Doesn’t it, mate?”

He’s good with Matty and I’m lucky to have him in our lives. I’ve never regretted letting Simon play the father figure role in my son’s life. It’s felt right. It’s what we both needed. But now I wonder if that was best. Will Matthew ever trust Chase the way he does Simon? Have I tainted their chance of a full and loving relationship? Will they one day hate me for the choices I made?

“What’s wrong?” Ricky says, staring as if he can read my distress. Hell, it’s probably written all over my face.

I sink into my chair. “Nothing.” Everything.

“You and Mom aren’t fighting, are you?” Ricky frowns. “She promised to be on her best behavior.”

I open my mouth, not exactly sure how to respond. Our mom turned in after dinner, claiming exhaustion, but I saw her grab a full bottle of gin when she left the dining room. I don’t think I’ve seen her without a drink in all the time I’ve been home. She was always a social drinker, but this blatant overindulgence is something else entirely.

“Did you tell her?” Eddie interrupts, coming back outside and pulling out a chair next to Ricky before handing him a bottle of beer.

Ricky shoots our brother a glare. “I was waiting for you.”

“Tell me what?” I straighten in my seat.

Ricky