Jolt!, Phil Cooke [reading women txt] 📗

talents. You were born for a purpose, and that purpose may be unlike anything you’ve encountered before.

Fear of not being accepted?

Fear of not being accepted is one of the great causes of loneliness. It’s been said that the Internet has made this the most connected generation in history, and yet the loneliest. Tonight millions of people will go home to an empty apartment, eat dinner for one, and climb into bed alone. Even surrounded by a crowd, many people feel completely isolated, like an island in the middle of a vast ocean. Novelist Thomas Wolfe called it the central and inevitable fact of human existence.

The most important key to being accepted is to accept others. When you allow others into your private world, you’ll discover that they will often welcome you into theirs.

Insecurity is another critical issue related to fear. Just as my wife has wrestled with insecurities resulting from her past, millions of others experience crippling insecurities that hold them back from reaching their real potential.

Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you’re scared to death.

—HAROLD WILSON, BRITISH PRIME MINISTER

I’ve been to meetings filled with experts in a particular area with which I was unfamiliar. Looking around the room, I hoped they wouldn’t ask me a question or call on me to address an issue, because I knew I’d look like a complete idiot. In a similar way, traveling to other countries might make you a bit insecure—particularly when you don’t even speak the language well enough to ask how to find a restroom.

Those types of minor insecurities happen all the time and are a normal part of living.

Many people, however, are trapped in a self-imposed prison of deep insecurity. Insecurities are particularly damaging because they eat at your self-esteem. They destroy your confidence by making you feel stupid, incompetent, or embarrassed. People like this can’t be taught, accept honest criticism, or grow. The very thing they often need the most is usually the last thing they are willing to do because they are terrified to let anyone actually know they might be less than perfect.

Insecurity is the feeling that you’re never good enough to confront challenges and opportunities, makes you feel helpless in the face of problems, and tells you that you’re incompetent to accomplish a particular task. You feel unaccepted, disapproved of, and rejected.

» MILLIONS OF PEOPLE SUFFER FROM INSECURITY, AND IT CAN BE A DEVASTATING FORCE THAT DIVERTS GOOD PEOPLE FROM THEIR POTENTIAL AND WREAKS HAVOC WITH FAMILIES, RELATIONSHIPS, ORGANIZATIONS, AND COMPANIES.

Hollywood is rampant with insecurity. I worked with a television producer who was so insecure about being in charge, he refused to take any ideas or suggestions from anyone. He was terrified that if he took advice from someone, they would think he was an incompetent leader. The fact is, one of the characteristics of great leadership is taking advice and counsel from a number of sources.

Had he listened to the writers, directors, and others who surrounded him, he would have been highly successful, but he preferred to isolate himself and eventually went out of business. His insecurity drove him to become exactly what he feared the most—incompetent.

Insecurity is what keeps people from admitting mistakes because they’re horrified that someone might think they’re unintelligent. Some even go to huge lengths to cover or hide errors, to the extent that I believe the beginnings of many corporate scandals has been driven by insecurity and fear.

» THE PARADOX OF INSECURITY IS THAT IT DRIVES PEOPLE TO THE VERY PLACES, SITUATIONS, AND EMOTIONS THEY ARE DESPERATELY TRYING TO AVOID AT ALL COSTS.

I urge you to take a serious look at your own life. Truly insecure people are often the most difficult to reach because they are so desperate to cover up what they feel are inadequacies and failures. No one is looking, and the only person who will benefit from this is you. Take a moment and consider if you have insecurities in your life.

As with many other issues in this book, I urge people who struggle with serious insecurities to find professional help through counselors, doctors, or pastors. But for most, here are some immediate suggestions that can help you begin to overcome insecurity and start the journey toward confidence and change.

OVERCOMING INSECURITY

Be willing to take a risk.

Yes, you might be hurt or embarrassed, but so what? To overcome insecurity and gain confidence, you need to allow yourself the freedom to take a chance. Realize that your behavior is alienating your closest friends and damaging your relationships and career. Start writing that book you’ve always dreamed about. Take music lessons. Speak at a conference. Buy that dress. Host a party. Take a risk, because a risk often comes with great rewards.

Learn to laugh at yourself.

Insecure people are so serious all the time. Lighten up and develop healthier attitudes. Stop your obsessive need for approval and acceptance, and learn to laugh at your mistakes. We’re all human, and it’s time to stop taking yourself so seriously. When you do make a mistake, be the first to make fun of yourself. You’ll often find people are far more supportive than you think.

Start thinking realistically.

The best way to stand up to your fears and doubts is by approaching life from a more rational and realistic perspective. You aren’t the center of the world here, and your little mistakes just don’t mean much in the bigger picture. Besides, as you’ll learn later in the chapter on failure, mistakes can be a much better teacher than success, so enroll in the class of life and start screwing up!

Reward yourself for the little victories.

When you finish your workout routine, reward yourself. When you successfully complete that big project, reward yourself. When you can take good advice or correction without feeling angry, reward yourself.

Jolt your security blanket and realize it’s not about you. The very people you lash out at and hurt may be the same ones who are trying to help you