Jolt!, Phil Cooke [reading women txt] 📗

did was to leave the ministry in order to take the time to work through the problem. The second thing he did was to set up a relationship of accountability with another pastor. He said that without the element of accountability, all the counseling, education, and love in the world would have failed.

» ACCOUNTABILITY IS CRITICAL IN A DIGITAL CULTURE WHERE INDISCRETIONS ARE NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE TO HIDE.

Accountability is simply agreeing with a trusted friend who will hold you to your promises—someone you meet with regularly, who knows you intimately, who isn’t afraid to speak the truth in love, who will call you to excellence, and who will force you to stay the course. When I met Mike, it was after two years of accountability and counseling. His marriage was stronger than ever, and he had grown to the point that another pastor had given him the chance to be mentored under his leadership, as the first step of his eventual restoration into full-time ministry.

The changes you need to make may not have anything to do with an addiction to pornography. (Although for male readers, I would urge you to do a gut check on your desires and feelings in this area. Most of us guys love to see a beautiful woman, and in a society where sexuality is flaunted, it’s often difficult to avoid taking that second look. So it never hurts to understand that, for most males, the potential for sexual blunders is significant, and I would suggest you not only stay on the alert but also keep an ongoing dialogue with your wife or friend about the issue.)

But even if the immediate changes you need to make are in other areas, accountability is still critical. Find someone you know, trust, and respect. (I say this because if it’s someone you don’t respect, chances are, you won’t take his warnings or advice.) Share with him your desire for change, and both of you agree that you’ll work together to help keep you on the path toward real change.

TIPS ON ACCOUNTABILITY

Find the right person.

It might be your doctor, pastor, spouse, mentor, or a respected friend. In most cases, I don’t recommend someone from the office since the political pressures of the workplace might come into play. You need to find a person who isn’t intimidated by you and who will tell you the truth in love, no matter what. Finding someone who knows something about the particular area you’re trying to change is good. For instance, if you want to improve your leadership skills, your spouse might not be the best accountability partner. On the other hand, if you want to improve your listening, he or she might be perfect.

Find someone with your personal values. For instance, if spiritual faith is important to you, don’t pick someone who trivializes religion; or if you’re a political conservative, pick another political conservative. The same holds true for a liberal. The point is, you don’t want your time together derailed because of conflicting beliefs or values, so find a partner who shares your personal views on morality, ethics, values, and even political ideals. The purpose of these sessions is accountability, not debate, so you don’t want to waste your precious time arguing about issues that have nothing to do with your desire for change.

Meet together on a regular basis.

Generally, I recommend once or twice a month. If it’s a critical change, however, you might want to meet on a weekly basis. Share your progress, ask for insights and suggestions, and be completely open and transparent. No one can help you if you’re holding back, so if you want real change, spill your guts.

If you want to change your attitude toward people, tell your accountability partner if you’ve been short with an assistant or rude to another employee. If you want to change your time management skills, tell him how many times you were late this week. Your accontability partner can’t help you if you hold back, so give him the information he needs so he can help you progress.

Probably the best accountability partner is another person who wants to grow and change. I suggest you find someone who wants to change in other areas, but the fact that your partner also wants to change will make him or her more committed and helpful in your situation. Plus, it’s always encouraging when you can help that individual as well, because it gives you both an increased motivation to grow.

Consider more than one accountability partner.

I know many executives who meet with a group of two or three people. Too many becomes time-consuming and unwieldy, but multiple members of a group can often bring more insight and wisdom to the mix.

» A REAL ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNER IS A “TEAM MEMBER” WHO’S DEDICATED TO YOUR SUCCESS. PICK YOUR PARTNERS WISELY, MEET WITH THEM REGULARLY, AND COMMIT TO THE PROCESS.

How long should the relationship last? Technically, it should last until you’ve experienced genuine change. But the fact is, I know many people who started holding each other accountable in a particular area and have continued meeting for years, long after the initial purpose was accomplished. Even after they overcame their initial challenge, they found that meeting with a trusted friend on a regular basis to share experiences, obstacles, and frustrations is a fantastic tool for personal growth.

Something important to mention is that outside of a husband/wife relationship, accountability partners should be of the same gender. Intimate details and challenges are often discussed in these meetings, and it’s simply not healthy for a man and woman to share this type of information—especially if either person is married to someone else. Integrity plays an important role here, and you’ll achieve far better results if issues of gender and sexuality don’t play a role.

Also, when you meet, it’s important to realize the confidential nature of the sessions. This isn’t professional counseling, but it’s critical that each of you is comfortable that what you say will not be passed