Jolt!, Phil Cooke [reading women txt] 📗

read the story, he immediately recognized its genius and recommended it to a major publisher. After its release, John Kennedy Toole’s novel, A Confederacy of Dunces, won a Pulitzer Prize and has been heralded as one of the major novels of the twentieth century.

I often wonder how things might have been different if that young writer had been surrounded by a group of intimate friends with whom he could have shared his burdens and who would have given him encouragement and love.

People who could have helped him through the rejection letters from publishers, the challenges of writing, or the times when he struggled to fill the page.

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

—MARK TWAIN, WRITER AND HUMORIST

Your list of friends could probably use a jolt. Seek out the people who really believe in your potential. Encourage and support them, and welcome their support in return. Spend time with people who energize you, challenge you, and make you better, and cut down on your time with those who drain your energy, time, and talent.

Friends who will speak positive words of encouragement into your life are more valuable than gold. Treat them with the same care and respect.

» JOLT #17

THE FREEDOM OF

ACOUNTABILITY

The Secret of Real Independence

Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it.

—GEORGE BERNARD SHAW, PLAYWRIGHT

The price of greatness is responsibility.

—SIR WINSTON CHURCHILL, BRITISH PRIME MINISTER

Earlier I told the story of a man who spent years wrestling with pornography. I return to that story because it’s an example of a problem that is remarkably difficult to correct. Although most researchers would not consider pornography a classic disease, it can be a legitimate addiction. For instance, researchers have documented the dramatic role pornography plays for career criminals and how it can actually consume their lives. In addition, as with a drug, the porn addict is in constant need of an ever-growing “fix.” What seemed like a fun experience looking at simple pinup shots suddenly demands that he look at more explicit photos, until even hard-core pornography isn’t enough to satisfy his increased desire.

One man who went through that nightmare and was able to emerge on the other side is a pastor from the Midwest. I met Mike when I did some consulting at a large church where he was working on staff. I could tell he was far more experienced than a typical assistant and asked him numerous times if he had been a senior pastor before. Finally, after a long meeting, he asked if I could join him for dinner, where he told me his remarkable story.

Years before, as a young pastor, Mike was making a small salary and couldn’t afford much when it came to shopping for a home. He and his wife finally bought a condo in a less desirable part of town. One morning, while taking out the trash, he found a paperback book sitting next to the dumpster. Not thinking much of it, he flipped it open to discover it was a hard-core pornographic novel. He only needed to read a few lines to see this wasn’t something for him, so he quickly dropped the paperback into the bag and continued dumping the trash.

But days later, a strange thing happened. Those few lines from the novel he thought he had forgotten came back to his mind. Even then, he didn’t think much of it and quickly thought about something else.

But the thoughts continued. Days and weeks later, he just couldn’t get those few graphic and explicit lines from the pornographic novel out of his mind. It was like a worm that had dug its way into his brain and just wouldn’t leave.

Within a few months he began to be obsessed with the thoughts and wanted more. He tried to forget about it, but it just latched on and wouldn’t let go. Then one day he left the church office early, stopped by a newsstand on the way home, and picked up an adult magazine. The desire was being fed. It wasn’t long before his wife went on a weekend church mission trip and he decided to rent an adult video. One thing led to another, and within a year he was traveling to nearby towns to visit adult bookstores. Eventually he gained the courage to visit a “massage parlor.”

The successful young pastor was completely out of control, and his addiction to pornography was escalating. His habit was costing him upward of one thousand dollars a month, and he became very skillful at not letting his wife see the credit card bills. In addition, he was isolating himself from the very people who could have helped—his wife, his family, and other pastors. Over and over he tried to stop, but the pull was just too strong.

Finally, he realized it had to end, but the only way out he could think of was suicide. One night he purchased a handgun and decided this would be his last night on the earth. But in the darkness, he somehow found the courage to put down the gun and confess to his wife.

Needless to say, the confession was a shock. She still loved him and believed in him, but after his explicit description of the lie he had lived during the last two years, she appropriately decided to draw new boundaries on their relationship. He slept in the guest room, and they decided to seek counseling from a trusted and qualified pastor.

The professional counseling process, getting his spiritual and moral priorities back in order, and Mike’s slow but determined decision to overcome his addiction and get his life back on track is a remarkable story.

That night over dinner when Mike told me the story of his recovery, the one thing that stood out on his journey back to health and wholeness was accountability. The first thing Mike