Mr. Darcy's Diary, Amanda Grange [elon musk reading list TXT] 📗

are betrothed?’

‘No, Aunt, we are not.’

‘Ah. I thought not.You could not be so lost to what

is right and proper, and to all common sense.’

‘But if she will have me, I mean to make her my wife.’

Her silence was awful, and was followed by a torrent

of words.

‘You need not think you will be welcome at Rosings,

if you marry that upstart.You will not bring such shame

and degradation on my own house, even if you are

absurd enough to bring it on your own. Your sainted

mother would be appalled to discover what woman is to

succeed her at Pemberley.’

‘My mother would be glad I had chosen so well.’

‘You have a fever. It is the only explanation,’ she said.

‘If you marry that girl you will be cut off from family

and friends.They will not visit you, nor invite you to visit

them in turn.You will be ostracized, cast out. I will give

you a week to come to your senses. If I do not hear from

you in that time, saying that you have been wholly

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mistaken in this preposterous plan, and if you do not beg

my forgiveness for sullying my ears with this objectionable nonsense, then I will be aunt to you no more.’

I made her a cold bow and she swept out of the room.

Anne hung back.

‘I am sorry,’ I said to her. ‘I never knew you took our

marriage as a settled thing until my cousin told me of it,

or I would have made sure you knew that I did not

regard myself as betrothed to you.’

‘There is no need to be sorry. I did not want to marry

you,’ she said.

She smiled, and I was taken aback. There was no

timidity in her smile, and as she walked up to me she

looked confident and assured.

‘Am I then so terrible?’ I asked.

‘No, not that. As a friend and a cousin I like you very

well – as long as the weather is fine, and you are not

forced to remain indoors – but I do not love you, and the

thought of marrying you made me miserable. I am glad

you are to marry Elizabeth. She is in love with you. She

will tease you out of your stiffness, and we will all be

friends.’

‘She is in love with me? I wish I could be so sure.’

‘One woman in love recognizes another,’ she said.

She smiled again and then followed Lady Catherine

out of the room.

Monday 6th October

I am once again at Netherfield. I arrived here with more

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hope than I have ever felt, but still I dare not take

Elizabeth’s love as a settled thing. Bingley and I left

Netherfield early and soon arrived at Longbourn. Miss

Bennet was full of blushes and had never looked more

becoming. Elizabeth was harder to understand. She, too,

blushed. I wish I knew the cause!

Bingley suggested a walk.

‘I will fetch my bonnet,’ said Kitty. ‘I have been longing to see Maria.We can walk to the Lucas’s.’

Mrs Bennet frowned at her, but Kitty did not notice.

‘I am not a great walker, I am afraid,’ said Mrs Bennet,

turning to Bingley with a smile. ‘You must excuse me.

But Jane loves to walk. Jane, my dear, fetch your spencer.

That man, I suppose, will go, too,’ she said, looking at me

as though I was a disagreeable insect.

Elizabeth blushed. I ignored the remark as best I

could, and thought that only my love for Elizabeth could

induce me to set foot in that house ever again.

Bingley looked helpless.

‘Lizzy, run and fetch your spencer, too.You must keep

Mr Darcy company. I am sure he will not be interested

in anything Jane has to say.’

‘I am too busy to walk,’ said Mary, lifting her head from

a book.‘I have often observed that those who are the best

walkers are those who lack the intellectual capacity to

instruct themselves in the serious matters of life.’

‘Oh, Mary!’ said Mrs Bennet impatiently.

Mary returned to her book.

Elizabeth and her sister returned, having put on their

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outdoor clothes, and we set out. Bingley and his beloved

soon fell behind. Kitty, I knew, would soon leave us to go

to visit her friend.Would Elizabeth go too? I hoped not.

If she remained with me, then I would be able to talk to

her. And talk to her I must.

We reached the turning to the Lucas’s.

‘You can go on by yourself,’ said Elizabeth. ‘I have

nothing to say to Maria.’

Kitty ran off down the path, leaving Elizabeth and me

alone.

I turned towards her.

Elizabeth, I was about to say, when she stopped me by

speaking herself.

‘Mr Darcy, I am a very selfish creature; and, for the

sake of giving relief to my own feelings, care not how

much I may be wounding yours.’

I felt myself grow cold.All my hopes now seemed like

vanity. She was going to wound my feelings. I had been

wrong to read so much into her refusal to deny the

report of our engagement. It had meant nothing, except

that she would not deign to deny an idle report for the

benefit of my aunt.

She was obviously finding it difficult to continue.

She is going to tell me never to come to Longbourn

again, I thought. She cannot bear the sight of me. I have

given her a disgust of me that is too great to be overcome. I have not used my opportunities. I have visited

Longbourn with Bingley and said nothing, because I had

too much to say.Yet none of it could have been said in

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front of others. And now it is too late. But I will not let

it be too late. I will speak to her, whether she wants me

to or not.

But then she went on, even as those thoughts were

going through my mind.

‘I can no longer help thanking you – ’

Thanking me? Not blaming me, but thanking me? I

scarcely