Happy Kids, Cathy Glass [best ebook reader for ubuntu .TXT] 📗

it ruining their health but that you find their behaviour totally unacceptable. Although it is illegal for children under the age of eighteen to buy alcohol, it is unrealistic to quote this as a deterrent. If a teen wants to drink, then they will be able to obtain alcohol, either by buying it themselves (if they look older) or getting an older friend to buy it, or by simply taking it from their parents’ cupboard. It is much better to appeal to your teen’s reason and judgement by pointing out the damage excessive drinking is doing to their bodies, and by setting a good example yourself through drinking sensibly. The damage done to the young person’s body through binge drinking cannot be understated. There are people now in their twenties dying from liver failure due to prolonged binge drinking in their teens.

Similarly, the dangers of cigarette smoking and taking non-prescription drugs cannot be understated. All schools, as part of their PSHE (Personal, Social and Health Education), include programmes which examine drug abuse; and cigarettes are a drug, albeit a legal one. Indeed studies have shown that nicotine is more addictive than heroin, and a more difficult habit to break. A recent piece of research which looked at brain scans of ex-smokers who had quit twenty to thirty years before found that the pathways in the brain associated with addiction had been permanently altered, and had still not returned to normal even though the ex-smoker hadn’t smoked for thirty years. If you suspect your son or daughter is smoking, talk to them calmly about the dangers and make it clear how worried you are, then make it as difficult as possible for them to smoke by banning smoking from the house, garden and car. Recent legislation in the UK that banned smoking in public places has dramatically reduced the number of smokers.

There is a huge assortment of illegal drugs that are easily available and relatively cheap. They fall into three categories: stimulants, which increase the activity in the central nervous system – for example, cocaine, crack and ecstasy; depressants, which reduce the activity in the central nervous system – for example, heroin, solvents and barbiturates; and hallucinogens, which alter the user’s perception – for example, LSD, cannabis and magic mushrooms. There are many reasons why young people take drugs, including boosting confidence, peer pressure, obtaining a temporary feeling of euphoria – a high – and helping them to forget abuse. All drugs do short- and long-term damage to the organs of the user, and drug dependency ruins lives across all cultures and social classes. Many of the children I have fostered were brought into care because their parents were drug dependent and could no longer look after themselves, let alone their children.

Talk to your son and daughter about drugs and be alert for signs that he or she is using them:

*  angry outbursts, mood swings, irritability, dramatic change in attitude or behaviour, including talking incoherently or making inappropriate remarks

*  secretive or suspicious behaviour

*  deterioration of physical appearance and grooming

*  wearing sunglasses and/or long-sleeved shirts frequently or at inappropriate times

*  frequent absences from college

*  neglect of family with an inability to relax or have fun at home

*  continuously short of money, frequent borrowing, selling possessions, or stealing

*  abandoning or spending less time on activities he or she used to enjoy – for example, hobbies, sports, and socialising

*  associating with known drug users and dropping old friends (who don’t use drugs).

Many of these indicators are part of normal teen behaviour, so don’t jump to conclusions, but be alert for any sudden change in behaviour. If you suspect your son or daughter is taking illegal drugs, don’t over-react, but approach them sensibly and on an adult level. Sit down with them and talk about your concerns, and listen to what they have to say. Although over 40 per cent of boys and 30 per cent of girls will, by the age of sixteen, have experimented with drugs the vast majority will not become drug dependent – not on illegal drugs at least.

If your teen is already drug dependent, and using regularly, get professional help, and fast. You will need to be very supportive of your son or daughter, and for a very long time, as he or she follows a drug rehabilitation programme. Sometimes parents need to take very drastic action in order to help their child – for example, by committing them to a residential rehab unit.

One friend of mine, on the advice of her twenty-five-year-old son’s drug counsellor, had to move him out of the family home and into a bed-sit, after he remained addicted to heroin despite many programmes and her unfailing support. Apart from the stress and worry it was causing her and the rest of the family, it was felt that continuing to provide her son with food and lodgings was fuelling his drug habit by putting money in his pocket to spend on heroin. Drastic, but she’d tried everything else, and the family still saw each other regularly.

A year later, and he has stayed on the drug rehabilitation programme, taking methadone (carefully prescribed and monitored) in place of heroin to allow his body and mind time to adjust without suffering the effects of withdrawing. Unfortunately, once a young person is drug dependent there is no quick solution.

Sex and relationships

Despite what the media often portray, the majority (approximately 85 per cent) of teenagers will not engage in a sexual relationship until they are sixteen years of age or older, with three in ten leaving it until after nineteen. But as teens develop and mature (emotionally and physically) at different rates, it is advisable for you to consider the advice and guidelines you will be putting in place well before they are needed. Clearly you will have been talking to your child, age appropriately, about bodily changes, sex and relationships, since he or she first innocently asked, ‘Mummy [or Daddy], where do babies come from?’ It is only now, however, that