Apocalypse: Generic System, Macronomicon [e book reader android txt] 📗

“Ten minutes, give or take.”

“Does he or she know what we look like?”

The skull-faced alien shook his head vigorously. “No.”

“Well, let’s keep it that way,” Jeb said, dropping a mystic trigger under his feet before grabbing the operator by the arm and leading him out the door, past all the soldiers leaning against the wall, glaring daggers at him. Jeb tried not to step in the brain of their bravest member.

As a precaution, he pinned the angry soldiers against the wall as the group passed through.

“You see those?” Jeb said, pointing at the platforms for delivering treasure. “Those deliver rewards to anywhere and any time they’re needed.”

“Yes…?” The head operator said questioningly.

“What happens if I say, jump in and transport myself into the tutorial’s very beginning? Are there any Time-Cop paradox Cronenberg cautionary tales I should be aware of?”

“What?” The gaunt alien asked, thoroughly confused by Jeb’s pop-culture studded question.

“Are there negative effects for creating a time paradox? Jeb demanded.

“We don’t handle paradoxes here.” The operator said, shaking his head. “That’s a higher power. All I can say is that there is some infrastructure in place to resolve it.”

“Can anybody read these symbols?” Jeb asked, pointing at the glowing labels above the platforms.

Jess, Casey, Amanda, Brett and Ron shook their heads.

“Ooh, ooh, I know, I can read them!” Smartass shouted, jumping up and down on his head.

“You brought a fairy in here?” the operator said, aghast. “You tamed a fairy?”

“Hey!” Smartass shot back. “Nobody tamed all this raw sexual energy,” She said, running her hands down her decidedly flat body. “We have a business agreement!”

The operator glanced back and forth between Jeb and Smartass, his lipless teeth rattling in confusion.

“You’re dismissed,” Jeb said, shoving the operator back toward the door.

“What’s the plan?” Brett asked.

“We’re going to pass the tutorial,” Jeb said, scanning the massive amount of treasure. Ron was visibly drooling as he looked at the sheer quantity of loot.

It was a sweet trap: they only had about five minutes until the ‘fixer’ showed up, and Jeb did not want to be around for that.

“Smartass, dial that platform for the last twenty-four hours of the safe zones,” Jeb said, pointing.

“The rest of you, put an empty chest on the platform and absolutely fill it with Ability potions, You’ve got two minutes! MOVE! One hundred nineteen! One hundred eighteen!”

Thank god. Jeb had fully expected them to spend minutes questioning his choice of timing. Instead they leapt into action, Jess and Brett throwing open chests at phenomenal speeds, tossing the potions across the room, where Amanda caught them and loaded them in the chest.

Ron was checking chests more carefully for targets of opportunity.

Something – maybe it was Jeb’s Myst – was telling him that the further toward the beginning of the tutorial he went, the more paradox would be created. Butterfly effect and all.

So if he swooped in right at the nick of time, the smallest amount of paradox would be created, hopefully allowing their ‘infrastructure’ to handle it.

God I hope we don’t turn into body horror as soon as we see our younger selves.

If Jeb’s plan worked, they wouldn’t have to.

Clink, clink, clink, one by one, Amanda caught and loaded the priceless Ability potions, quickly filling the chest.

In the meantime, Jeb put a Mystic Trigger on each and every one of the platforms, clomping along on his pegleg across the warehouse as he attached one to each of them.

Five Mississippi, four Mississippi, three Mississippi, two Mississippi, one Mississippi…

Jeb’s enhanced Nerve was easily able to keep time despite the distraction.

“Alright, that’s it, load up on the platform!” Jeb shouted, climbing up on the circular piece of magitech.

Jeb climbed up and looked down at them, hesitating to climb on.

“Why would we go back in there?” Jess asked, glancing at him, head cocked.

“Because this time we’re gonna win,” Jeb said.

*** Vresh, ‘fixer’***

“When they told me someone had escaped the Impossible tutorial, I was actually excited for a moment.”  Vresh said, surveying the devastated console. The switchboard had been torn to shreds by telekinetic Myst.

“I get here and they’re already gone.”

Vresh sighed. “I was looking forward to seeing a human firsthand. One capable of fighting back, I mean. I hear they look like super fat, fluffy versions of Keegan, with lips.”

Vresh wrinkled her nose in amusement.

“So tell me what the human looked like. Any distinguishing features?”

“Well, he was missing a –“

Crash! A packet of Myst shot out of the ground and tore the console beside the head operator to shreds.

Mystic Trapsmith, Vresh mentally catalogued the information as the pieces of the former console settled to the ground around the cowering Keegan.

“Go on,” Vresh prompted.

“I don’t think I should. That seemed like a warning.” The operator said.

“There aren’t any more,” Vresh said, deliberately scanning the area for any more surprises.

“Are you sure?” the operator blanched as Vresh gave him ‘the look’.

“I-I mean, of course, he was missing a foot, walking on what looked like a carved piece of wood, he grew some kind of wool on his face, brownish.”

“A carved piece of wood?” Vresh asked, shaking her head and chuckling. “Why didn’t he just grow it back? Is it some kind of fashion statement? And wool on the face? I’ve gotta meet these people.”

Vresh had them guide her to the treasure room, where the operator gasped at the sheer amount of chests with their lids kicked open.

“By all the gods, we’ve been robbed! They took all the ability potions!”

“Uh-huh,” Vresh grunted, inspecting the platforms. Each and every one of them had been damaged beyond usability by an overwhelming amount of telekinetic Myst…except for one.

It was practically riddled with Mystic Triggers.

“Thank the gods they couldn’t destroy the platform they