Explosion of the Tongue, Rebekah Brewer [non fiction books to read txt] 📗

matter how many words I use to try describing it, I could never fully express it.

All of this, just as a drug, addictive as my own delusion.

I hope one day I could paint these feelings with words unlike my meager vocabulary, all to show you that I'm serious unlike yourself.

Sayonara

It's hard to forget
A wonderful friend
That changes themselves
Into something they're not

All for you
A wonderful friend
Hurts themselves
Just for you

Their words strike
Drawing tears
When you're not the kind to cry
They definitely got a direct hit

I can never forgive myself
For the friend I forced to change
At one point, they were my best friend
But now, there is a rift as well as tears

As our friendship dies
Sinking into the damn sea of life
I still offer another apology
Before letting go into the flow of time

one last sorry that I hope she will accept and forgive me for my selfishness

It's time to say it
Goodbye – "Photograph" by Nickelback

The Other Side

In the mirror I see
haunted forest that have tried
warning, teaching, learning, seeking

Little creatures come out in darkness
creating distractions to the things
their world wishes to ignore

Sacrifices, rains of salt water
truth that cannot be simply
contained

In the mirror I see
a multitude of flaws
ones other living humans have

Flames burning, bringing tears
a black thing forming and growing
And the worst of all: want

Discontent, grabbing to get whatever first
that false happiness that leaves yearning
Yearning for the past
Without drama, without yelling, without anger
without any emotion but blissful joy

A joy lost in the choking vines
that grows in the black thing hidden within
and surrounded by flames and stones

Two Part

She sits there in the darkness
one part silent, the other looking out

Unbidden tears having already dried
losing to that other side crazier than anyone she knew

One part solemn, one part smiling
Which is her? The one being helped or being betrayed

Crying and alone, her reasons blinking out
wishing to feel, yet not, wanting to be free and off

The silence only creating a growing hole where her emotions once were
long forgotten just as tears that evaporated, her only 'freedom' unseen

She knows what's there, though her act suggests otherwise
scars and veins, see-able to her, each time reminding her how 'easy' it once was

Observant and quiet, she knew the rules, even if she disliked them
she lived, did as she was told, she loved, she forgave them

Falsely led by the demons all around
denying feelings, falling for the last guardian

What had happened to her strength, her love?
Sleeping, floating, surrounded in deep rooted protection

Had she once been an angel? A prophetess for happiness?
Changing with each day, refusing to fight any longer

A warrior in hopelessness, flocking with others
but no longer a part of it, turning from those trusting smiles

That dream full of warmth, that other part of her
a reflection of herself in another form

With a power so ancient but still so innocent
a burning to destroy old memories, no longer leaving her alone

A place where she fits and the tears no longer chase her
her final challenge, but only in her dreams

Fallen Angel

I
Fallen Angel with new wings
Awkward and new to new found joy
With it, she can soar the skies
Out of reach of her old memories
To overcome coming storms

II
Fallen Angel with new wings
She continues with new love and trials
A suitor or two, all once friends
The storm is coming, growing in size
What to do? What to do?
She still doesn't know what to do

III
Fallen Angel with new wings
Beaten down in shocking revelry
Does one notice?
Does one care?
Will anyone try anything
to make it all fair?

IV
Fallen Angel with new wings
Growing powerful in negative emotions
No longer invisible, but never returning to God
What is expected falls away
As she flies alone wounded

Dreams of a Kitten

The shadows tremble
in remembrance
Of their leader, the all-dying Goddess of Darkness

Her power, her compassion
her will, her beauty
Some things that remain immortal in their hearts

Loved but abused and hated
no hope to follow
As everything around her falls away to her other part

The love of Death
her resentment of Fate
Even though Fate had made her strong and allowed her to surpass

But even if she excelled
she couldn't see past what she had done
Brought death to the innocent, loved people who deserved every bit of happiness

To tear that away, she knew the damage
knew who was truly at fault
No lie could deter her for she saw past it all

For she refused to lie, unnecessarily
she rebelled against what shouldn't be
What made the murderous right as the weak crumble before her

All alone in her fight
no one would know
How much she has already been shattered

Beyond repair by even the Gods
she is lost in all of her own pain
And no longer capable of fending for others let alone herself

Emotion

All is a trick
the feelings we live
Anger, flint against steel
a spark in reaction of choice in dislike
The overwhelming ocean of depression
just a moment of allowing the bullet to dig in
Bright, lightening happiness:
an illusion that we dwell in
And love, the food for the heart
the ultimate trick

Just finding things to like
simple little traits to build from
Or in a split second,
overwhelmed, liking what is seen
Believing it is real and true
that love has slipped in
To make the world all bright and beautiful
as the mind floats, untouchable in its disillusionment

Words of anger can't burn the heart
Words of hatred can't stab the soul
Nothing seems to reach through the bliss
except the truth that weedles into the mind
This is not the love that's believed in
It is only a malfunction of the mind

All my belief
that I don't even follow

Who Am I

Who am I?
The fallen looking up?
The one desiring beauty?
or Death, as a witness or an accomplice?

I stand here
quietly lost, wishing to give up
But I still try
reflecting what I yearn for in shadows

Is there another me?
A devil living within me?
Who smiles at others' losses?
Two separate minds standing as one?

Maybe 'she' is the skilled one
living off others, slowly killing them
Weighing her options carefully
as she smirks, knowing the possibilities before me

Or maybe it is me, an ally within myself
that hides my tears without facing me
Which side is more deadly?
I dare not judge her or me

Who am I?
Another role in waiting?
Maybe another invisible child
reaching out but receiving nothing besides scars

Who stares back in the mirror?
Are they the stronger part or the more knowledgeable?
Or cold hearted murderer
Watching the other side cry as the flaws become apparent

Are we a remake?
Incapable of real love but capable of pain
Or are we just another entity
with our emotions locked away where we can't reach?

It will eventually show, I know,
prominent as a jewel, the bruises will show

Juvenile

1950's
(Original version)

Evil little critters
a new generation
Breaking the law
to satisfy rebellion

The gap between parents
and children deepen
As new stars rise
the sense of difference builds

Little bits agree
one part rock 'n' roll
The other part disagrees
as Elvis keeps rollin'

(Jazzmon's version)

Evil little critters
a new generation
Breaking the law
to satisfy rebellion

The gap between parents
and children deepen
As new stars rise
like Elvis Presley and them other guys

Now's the time where you are my life
What I hear hurts my ears
And what I see burns my eyes

Fragile Things

I realize now
How stupid I am
How stupid of me to fall
Fall for something so stupid to me
I realize now what you have done to me

You gave me hope
And in my depression
I clung on to it
With such strength
Neither one of us realized
What was done

But I know now
You gave me hope

Now I can regret it
Grasping on so tightly
That I can't let it go
For with that hope
Is my destruction
The one who swore
Never to hold such feelings

But I can say this
With my hope
I am not certain that
These feelings I hold
Are even feelings for you

Which is better, though?
The bliss or the numbness

Love At Home

How can you know the pain I feel
when you trample on the still healing wounds
Do you even realize
how fucking tired I am
of these stupid arguments over nothing?
You don't listen to reason
Your tendency of not understanding
that when I stand her
saying "Leave me alone.”
I mean it.

This is not my life
That died years ago
along with the little girl you raised
You never really knew me
Did you even know
how constantly I dream of death?
It's all I care for, what I really want
no matter what you say or do
Do you know
how devoid I am of love?
All these years, there wasn't any at home
and when I thought I found it
it is torn from me and withers away

I am done
I never really wanted to breathe since the divorce
I honestly don't know
how much of your bullshit I can take
Just let my soul hollow out
so it won't affect me
Forever more

Rain Drops

I've seen there tears
The came raining
pouring in every crevice made
filling them to the rim
to fake the act of 'fine'

I remember their faces
They think it's guilt
What bullshit
are you feeding yourself
to feel better?

Will you remember
my insecurity?
You didn't ever help