Explosion of the Tongue, Rebekah Brewer [non fiction books to read txt] 📗

Reason

We’ve all stood her before
Words of anger or desperation
Thrown around and around
Until it comes back to hit us

Why did you say that?
That horrible thing that you regret
More of because you didn’t get across
What you really thought
An utmost failure of words

But you also think
Why didn’t I do this?
Or simply walk away?
You will see now how chained you really are
Looking about as you wonder
Why am I here?

There are a lot of ‘whys in this case
Why didn’t I hit back?
Why did I let him leave me here?
Why can’t I find myself?
Why can that bitch get away with all
Of this bullshit?

Calmer now, you know why you:
Didn’t walk out
Didn’t hit back
Didn’t just rip her throat out

For one: it lowers you to your enemy’s level
No one wants that, not even a killer
And two: you swore you’d be different
• Different from your old bitchy self
• Different from that abusive step-bitch
• Different from your ignorant father
Even different from your friends

So it’s easy to see
You’re an outcast
An outcast amongst outcasts
Did you see her tears?
She’s hiding you as we fall into darkness
Or light
Who knows what really stands with you?

Cold Anger

Run it by me again why I should listen
I sit, listening to you and your b.s.
Ignoring you and the rest of the class
Ruining the privileges we are given
Really? All you do is complain
You tell me to shut up
When you can't be quiet for even a minute
You cuss even after saying 'Sorry Ms. Bodnar'
And you're loud about how much you hate your job

I live to explain while you live to degrade
Out of everyone in the class, you earn the least pity
How bad is a job working with smoothies?
Nothing to cleaning cactus for eighteen hours straight
You claim you'll deck me in the face?
Try. My life is about being reckless, living with older brothers who build you up
Even then, your scrawny arms won't do much damage
I'd sooner be able to break your arms before you'd be capable of doing much

Truthfully, you're just another tiny little bitch in Summerlin
I put up with shit on the eastern side of town
I don't have to put up with shit from you
You're all bark without any real bite besides shame
Raven would be able to kick my ass but certainly not you

If you think you can hit me physically
Then I'll return it verbally
Save your complaints for the other bullshitters that don't know responsibility

Let me know when you've seen families torn apart and children dropped into another's care. I've watched everyone in my family, including the extended part, be scarred with things your immaturity won't let you truly comprehend besides 'That won't happen to me.'

I'd like to see the look on your face when your two year old niece is torn from her mother for two years and now wakes up in the middle of the night screaming for her mother. You watching her cling to your sister, no matter how much she loves you as an aunt, she'd rather be with her mom. You knowing that she knows that you were there for her at the time of her birth and she was there for you when only two years old and you're family just split and that disillusion I have called happiness is erupted by reality. She knows that you have watched her for all these years. You have taken care of her. You took your time to keep her out of trouble so her mother can work to help take care of her.

You don't know anything until you get off your stupid high horse, get rid of your God forsaken pride, and look out beyond yourself. You're not the center of the universe. You have no right to it but I'd revel in watching you die trying to be it. I would dare you to try being something new that isn't so selfish, kissing ass to your teachers just so you can get away with shit, blaming others when you are part of it too, but I am absolutely convinced that you are too much of a cowardly little girl to even try and be a grown up.

Who in Hell are you to judge
when you're much worse than me?


You couldn't live a day on your own, Keyanna.
Try five years.

What of It

Words are words
powerful and worrisome
the possibilities in between
unknown and unpredictable

Why do we
say the things
that we do?

J.S.: thinks I'm cute
B.B.: finds me fascinating
N.M.: IDK
J.C.: someone cool and cute

I don't see
what others see
What do people see as me?

Death of Me

I see her face
and it is mine.
The blood flowed
from her throat.
The tears flooded
from her 14 year old eyes
As the life disappeared
I was born

Perdon

Stab my back

it's better if I'm bleeding
Rip out my heart

it's better if I'm not feeling
Burn my corpse

so there is no remains
of the girl you knew
but by thinking so
you pressed me, pushing me
over the edge to my death

Sayonara

I'm sorry I'm not perfect
I'm sorry that I have a different point of view
I'm sorry that you'll never understand these words
because you never listened.
My revenge is my silence
and the truth ringing in your ears.

Back To You

If I am a liar
then does that make you?
If I am a demon's spawn
then what gave birth to you?
If my attitude sucks
take a look at your act
It's transparent
because you think I'm dumb
At least I'm not an
• illegal immigrant
• that doesn't speak English
• and cleans for a living
• as she abuses what's around her
Because I'm not even living

Here

Always out of reach

I'll keep the words
you never told me
as a ward to keep
my heart untouched

I'll recover from
my own delusion

No longer a child
gone is my trust

Fuck It

If you leave
and come back
saying how 'worried' you were
about us
I'll call you a liar
Don't come near me
You hate me,
remember?
Don't touch me.
I'm the demon child,
right?
I hate you
Du hast neish

Me and my attitude
You and your pride
Anger is nothing
But your very being
means everything?

Reach out to me,
I'll slap your hand away.
Harm them
I'll stand and defend.

This isn't
win or lose
It's fight
or die inside


For Chibi

Murder me slowly,
if you want to kill me at all.
Hate me always,
if you can hate me at all.
Never forgive me,
for I am the one at fault.
Never forgetting
because you know it is my fault.


Twist of Fate

Let me take it,
all the pain and misery
All you have to do
is spread your wings
and live freely
That's all I can ask for
You can do things
I can never do

Story of a Girl

I will tell you a story of a little girl.

She was loved
and loved those around her
but then everything fell apart.
Her family was torn
She was alone

When she made new friends
that were there for her
and things seemed to get better,
Her father tare her away from them
and darkness returned

She became
reserved,
withdrawn from society
Darkened
as a fallen angel
Things just wouldn't get better

Reality was harsh
and not worth looking forward to
Waking moments were tormenting
but she dare not sleep
Her dreams were her nightmares
Her dreams were of the past
that died with her heart

Falling and falling
she shattered
never to fly again
She prayed everyday
for the day where
she can finally be free

That day came
when the blade dug too deep
finally