Collection of poems, JB [online e book reading .txt] 📗

/> and you're not there with me.

As days go on I try,
to forget the face I love.
Yet the memories stay vivid,
like a haunting from above.

Although we've never met,
I had to let you know.
The only way to defeat,
me, my only foe.

And if you do not understand,
I’ll always hold it true.
Never to forget the day,
I fell in love with you.


AIDS


She had this hair that hung to her waist.
I knew it wasn't real - only a weave, yet
I touched it, reverently. Everything about
her was exactly what I was not. And yet -
she was my best friend.

She exuded a sense of confidence
I had ever seen in a person before.
Her skin was golden brown due to her
American Indian and African heritage.
Her smile was beautiful, her teeth white
and square, a small gap in between the two
front teeth endeared her to me.

My first year back in a school
I despised I saw her sitting in
front of me. Her sock shad little
ladybugs on them and that glorious
hair was half curled, the rest hanging
straight, reaching down to her leather belt.
She giggled as candy from her book bag spilled
onto the floor. Offering me some our eyes met.
And I knew I had met my best friend.

We both loved chocolate, we both loved guys
with long hair, we both hated manufactured
boy bands, we both adored No doubt and we both
hated our private school.

We ran in the halls, we ate
lunch in detention on a daily basis.
If she got detention and I didn't,
I would throw away my homework so
as to receive a detention to be
with her, and she would do the same.

We put glue on a teachers seat.
We fed our principals dog massive
amounts of chocolate, we taped notes
on the popular kids backs. She was
so beautiful.

I was too tall, too skinny and pale as ice.
I was sick 50% of the time and my blue eyes
seemed to scream out against the paleness
of my skin. She kept me company when I was
sick, she called pretending to be the hospital
informing me of my soon approaching hot doctor,
she sent me ridiculous cards and took pictures
of the kids we hated in school making silly
comments coming out of their mouths.

One night at her house I woke up in
the middle of the night thirsty, I padded
downstairs to get a drink. I opened the
cabinet to get a glass and was met with
the site of tons of pill bottles. Her
name was on every single one. There had
to be over 50 bottles, my stomach turned
and I went into the bathroom to throw up.

Her blood. The life in her, I remember,
I knew. She had cit her finger and got
hysterical, the small drops of blood
being soaked into her baggy white
sweater. She went home, No one could
touch her.

When she was on her period she stayed home,
no one going in or out of the house.
Her bottle of Lysol in her book bag.
The way she cleaned everything.

Aids? My best friend?

I asked her. And we never spoke again.


Love Poem


Trapped inside my mind, Lost within my soul
Confusion mixed with happiness, lost with constantly searching
Wondering, questioning, hoping for answers now unknown
Maybe, just maybe, the answers will soon be shown
A bond amazingly strong, a love that suffocates my heart
A connection unlike any other, with powerful emotion oh so strong
A burn from deep within, slowly rising to my throat
Then I imagine your smile, which then makes me smile
Taking away all anguish and frustration from it all
A relationship, a friendship, a sister, whatever we may be
Has grasped a hold of me and making me feel so blind
In mixed directions, turning me in circles, I can no longer see
What do I do? What can I say?
Do you already know? Do you feel the same?
Express my emotions or hide them all away?
Will I benefit or fall, achievement or nothing at all?
I don’t think I could feel any worse than I do now
Confusion and frustration it is all smothering me
Not understanding; does anything make sense?
Where did this come from? Please make it end
I don’t know how much longer I can feel like this within
As time passes by and you are not around
You would think my thoughts would begin to fade away
You would think it would be easy and feelings would change
But no, wrong answer, please try again
Can’t shake these feelings, I at least want my old friend
Seeing you just revives this flame, craving for you
Can’t you see my pain?
Open your mind, open your heart, express your feelings and let me know
Should I let these feelings stay?
Or
Should I try to make these feelings go?


Her secret

feel his eyes burning into mine
Searching for a reason, searching for an answer
A sadness we both share, an unexplainable happening that is hard to bear
I imagine we are finished, I predict this is the end
I am not sure how he will react when I tell him the news, but for now we stand quietly
As he reaches out his hand; reaches for my face
And gently wipes away each tear, replacing them with a kiss
He runs his fingers through my hair, twisting it and twirling it
Tucking it behind my ear; then he grabs my hands
With a grasp so strong, making me feel like I do belong
He pulls me closer and wraps his arms around me
Making me feel like he just swallowed me whole
Finally he speaks, with his voice so deep and sincere
Whispering softly into my ear, he tells me he loves me, he longs to have me near
But my response is only more tears which express my secret and pain
I pull away, but hold on to his hand and try to gain back my composure and act tough
I stare straight into his eyes hoping he could some how know what I can’t seem to say
We gaze at one another for only a minute, but it seems like a lifetime
Then I look down at the ground to gain courage to speak
The way he still looks at me makes me so weak
Finally I gather all the words I must say
Then I start to shake while my heart beats at a faster pace
I don’t want to let him go, but how can he love me after I let him know
I don’t think he will listen and I know he won’t understand
But it’s not fair to keep this secret, he really must know
So with these thoughts in mind, I must stop wasting time
I pull his ear to my mouth and whisper to him
I have a disease, and it is slowly killing me
Maybe I have 8 months, maybe only five, maybe even a whole year
I guess until it’s my time and destiny arrives
I tell him I love him but we must go our separate ways
He has to move on and have many more dates
I apologized for not telling him sooner, but he continues to wait
He shows me he understands and that he could care less
As he pulls me closer and kisses away my breath
We hold each other for hours, leaving tear stains on our shirts
HIV now turned into AIDS; given to me by my no good junkie mother, at birth
Who never once thought about me and the outcome I would have to deal with
A disease I must live with at least while I am on this earth
So that is my secret that is what has taken control over me
A year has now passed, but only one day for me; I’m in heaven now surrounded by peace
My boyfriend stuck by me saying I was worth the heartache and tears
He never left my side, through the laughter, tears, and our fears
From Heaven I always watch him and make sure he is safe
Smiling down at him in our special way
We both are content because we know we will soon reunite and hold each other again
But some days are harder than others and he begins to miss me even more
So I send him this message from our bright tunnel’s door
Take a deep breath and relax, clear your mind of all thoughts
Look deep into the sky, beyond the clouds and the sun
Show your faith and your belief and allow yourself to see
The beautiful dove and the miraculous angel flying together happily in sync
Representing you, all the happiness, and me we will once again bring.


R.I.P.

Life flows as time goes by,
love and hate, death cuts all ties.
Youth grasped in tiny fingers,
like the limb struck off,
the feeling lingers.
For me you cared, loved and shared,
others closer than you never dared.
Dark brown eyes, an untarnished slate,
sun browned legs, an unknown fate.
Life is quick but death is quicker,
beauty lost but the heart remains.
For every summer there is a winter,
wisened olds limbs of a great grandpa,
death comes for everyone.
An irreputable law,
you’ve lived your life the only true way.
But alas it is time to go away,
fear not what comes for you will see.
When you look back upon your life,
a thing of beauty,
you’ve found your way.
You’re home at last,
forever in my heart till I breath my last.


Bullets of pain

A girl is beaten so badly she’s turned black
Bruised by a mother who never looks back
She’s left with pain, she takes her pride
She cries out at night while she laughs inside
There’s an emotional scar buried deep in her tonight
That will always linger and never again hide
A painful past she must carry on with her now
sHe will never regret her actions, never remember how
She’s left to mentally die from her own flesh and blood
While her mother continues living with no tears to flood
She’d grow up unhappy, her sun will never shine
For her mother has stolen her rainbow,
broken her heart time after time
A mother’s meant to be a hero, not an abuser and a killer
But she knew different since the day the he had killed her
Her sister, she found, beaten, shot, lifeless, and bloody
She didn’t have to ask, she knew it was mommy
More to add to her unbearable sadness and pain
A confused 10 year old girl is all that remains
She loads the gun slowly, staring in the mirror
Wondering if she were dead, would she feel better?
All the past memories flash through her mind
As she holds the gun closer and looks for a pillow to find
She places the pillow under and presses the gun to her head
She thinks of the love for her sister and ends her life