Always Yours, Amicia Bianchi [top non fiction books of all time txt] 📗

wonder what she saw that I didn't that made us so wrong for each other? Bryce hadn't exactly been confident before either, so was I the only one who didn't see it?

 

"Hey, are you okay?"

 

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said then I thought better of it when he didn't seem convinced, "I'm just thinking."

 

"About?" he probed lightly stroking my hair.

 

"Us," I answered vaguely.

 

"Care to elaborate a little more?" he asked conversationally, trying not push me if I didn't want to talk.

 

"Do you have doubts about our relationship? Like earlier what did you mean when you said you weren't sure we could get back to normal and you asked if we could be happy together. You seemed like you didn't think we could be together. Do you know something I don't that makes you not certain that we'll work out?"

 

"I don't want you to feel like we have to be together just because we're mates," I rose my head to look at him perplexed. "Don't get me wrong, I want to be together but I don't want us to force it simply because we figure it's supposed to happen. I want this, I do. I want us, I want it so much I can't put it in words but I'm scared that it might not work out."

 

"And why wouldn't it work out?" I questioned to encourage him to continue although I was a bit afraid of what he might say. Alas, I was equal parts eager to know and frightened but I was really curious to find out where his head was so curiosity won out.

 

"Because of me," he said self-deprecatingly giving me sad smile.

 

"Why would you think that?"

 

"Because I get the feeling sometimes that I'm not who you think I am. I'm not perfect and while I'm sure you know that, sometimes it feels like you expect me to be but I'm not that guy. I was a bit skeptical about us going out at first because I didn't want to see us end up like all my other past relationships. I couldn't afford lose you, I still can't. You mean too much to me. After my last failed relationship I realized that all of my other relationships were probably my fault. And you're were too precious. You deserve to have a really great guy, you need someone who'll treat you like a queen and put you first. I wanted to be that guy, I wanted to be better for you but with my history I wasn't sure if I could. I wanted us to be different but all I had to draw from were failed relationships. That's when I realized I didn't know how to be that guy or even where to start. I want to hold you delicately with kid gloves all the time because I felt like I had to protect you from myself but you just wanted to be normal. So I started to treat it like any of my other relationships and that made everything worse. It felt like the times we go shopping together," he confided.

 

I laughed thinking about it, Bryce had a surprising sense of fashion and since the first trip I realized that he couldn't be trusted to shop alone. Some of the clothes he picked I'd never thought to put on him and in addition to ones I'd expect to see in his closet. He was someone who needed another person to help him weed out his 'I-just-like-the-color-regardless-if-it-looks-good-on-me' choices. I nearly died of laughter, that first trip, as he'd stroll out of the dressing room confidently time and time again with an outfit, that looked horrible, as though it was his best pick. Another time we went to the store because he said he needed a teal shirt, he picked up the first one he found in his size and thought he'd done well. Most times he went shopping with Jason but from then on I'd go with him when I needed a laugh.

 

"I still don't get how you didn't see it with the teal shirt that time," I commented giggling.

 

"Hey, it fit didn't it?" he retorted with a genuine smile of amusement this time.

 

"It was a shirt from the women's plus sized section that someone had misplaced!" I shook my head incredulously. "I'm not sure I ever laughed so hard in my life." That day I cried laughing at him and I ended up on the floor but I had managed to take a picture, which I still have, before he took it off.

 

"Well I'm glad you enjoy laughing at my bad sense of fashion," he said taking it in stride.

 

"It's not unworkable you just need a little guidance," I encouraged.

 

"I hope so," he said with a serious look in his eyes. I knew he wasn't talking about his choice in clothes anymore.

 

"You're redeemable too, Bryce."

 

"I hope you're right because I'd felt like I was groping around in the dark the first time. You thought I was a really great guy and it killed me that I couldn't be him. Sometimes you'd be mad at me and I didn't know why, since you didn't seem to want to talk to me I'd just give you some space, hoping it'd blow over or you'd calm down at least. When I'd come to ask you you'd act like everything was fine and I didn't want to push it and upset you again so I left it alone. I hadn't realized then what it was or what it meant but I do now. I know that you're scared and you have every right to be. If I did it once I can do it twice. A hundred times. A thousand times even. Being that I've hurt you multiple times without trying to you're scared to be vulnerable with me because I'm a danger to you but that's what scares me too though. I'm afraid that I might either unknowingly push you too far and you leave or, worse, you stay. As much as I don't want you to leave me I don't know if I could take it knowing that because of me you couldn't be happy. My biggest fear is that one day all my flaws will outweigh any happiness that I can bring you so that I can't make you smile anymore and you come to resent me. Where you feel like you're in an abusive relationship where you can't be happy with or without me so you just stay and tolerate me. I don't want you to ever feel like you're stuck with me," he spoke softly, baring his soul to me.

 

"I am stuck with you though," I commented quietly, meeting his eyes. "I'm stuck with you for a mate and you're stuck with me. So I'll always be yours and you'll always be mine," I offered him a brief smile before looking away. "No matter what happens in the future," I said pensively as we lapsed into silence, both slipping into our own thoughts. I get why he was so torn. I was too.

 

We eventually got up, leaving the brooding atmosphere behind, and decided to make the most of today. He took me to different places around town as we continued on our mission to 'recreate memories'. He gave me two birthday gifts. One was a tote bag that he'd filled with quirky nurse themed items which I'd been shocked to find in my car as we were getting in it to leave my house. I hadn't quite gotten the opportunity to tell him that I would be going to school for nursing but he explained that Angie had mentioned it to him at some point. The second gift he gave me was a necklace. The last place we went to was Sanchianos for dinner and when we were leaving he turned to me, stopping just outside the door.

 

"I know I already gave you something but I want to give you this last gift," he reached into his pocket and pulled out a black box. I opened the box when he handed it to me. I gasped not being able to say a word at first.

 

"Oh my God," I cooed eventually. I finally looked up at him to see a gentle smile on his face as he observed my reaction. I nearly toppled him over with a hug, "Thank you! I love it, Bry," I said.

 

"I'm glad you like it. That's what I really wanted to give you but I didn't think it was a present I could give you by itself since I already gave it to you before. I found it a couple years ago and I bought a new chain for it."

 

Bryce had given me the necklace for my birthday once but the chain broke and I lost the circular pendant. I used to wear it everywhere so he knew how upset I'd been when I couldn't find it. I didn't care that I was getting the same gift twice I still loved it. He definitely got a kiss for his thoughtfulness. When he'd grabbed my hips to pull me closer kissing me back I let him deepen the kiss and eagerly matched his fervor.

 

"You make a guy not want to leave," he said pulling away.

 

"Don't remind me," I sighed.

 

"Want to put it on?" he asked.

 

"Yeah, thanks," I held my hair out of the way once he took the necklace out of the box. As he was clasping the necklace I felt his breath fanning my neck and I shivered.

 

"Cold?" I could hear the smugness in his tone and knew he was smirking.

 

"You did that on purpose," I accused. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me back against him then kissed my bare shoulder.

 

"What ever are you talking about?" he asked, his lips still against my skin, feigning innocence.

 

"You know what you did," I retorted. He simply laughed and let me go. As we walked to the car my phone started ringing but it died when I tried to answer. "Bry, can I use your phone?"

 

"Sure," he took it out of his pocket and handed it over.

 

"Mine just died and my mom was calling me," I explained as I unlocked his phone.

 

"Well, we need to start heading to the airport so I can catch my flight anyway," he commented looking at his watch. I made a face at him as I dialed and no one picked up. "It's okay," he chuckled, "I'll still call you and text you everyday," he said throwing an arm over my shoulders and kissing my temple.

 

"Now that you mention it, we need to talk," I said.

 

"Really?" he asked sarcastically. "Somehow I thought we were doing that. I don't know how I got that mixed up."

 

"Stop playing, I'm serious," As hard as I tried I couldn't suppress the smile on my face as I pushed at his chest. He caught my hand and kissed my fingers.

 

"Okay, I'm all ears," he replied regarding me seriously. I cleared my throat as I tried to channel my thoughts.

 

"I have something to tell you..."

Chapter 11: The Gift part 2

 

"As a matter of fact I'm mad at you," I announced.

 

"Really?" he asked sarcastically, "I couldn't tell," he admitted looking at me pointedly to elaborate.

 

"Where was my 'good morning' text?" I confronted