Always Yours, Amicia Bianchi [top non fiction books of all time txt] 📗

when I was mad at you because I thought you'd break up with me. When things got worse I wondered why you hadn't dumped me, I figured you just didn't want to hurt my feelings. There were several times that I said I would break up with you but I'd let Angie talk me into staying because breaking up wasnt what I wanted.” I could see how effortlessly perfect we are for each other but I was afraid of completely opening up to him when he was leaving. It was because he was leaving that made me especially covetously greedy. I wanted it all, everything. If he could calm my fears what else was he doing already that I hadn't noticed? Would I find out that I'd become dependent on him after he left? I'd taken him for granted and it was now hitting home that I depended on him. I've come to count on him being there even on the worse days. Now he wouldn't, although we could still talk it wouldn't be the same.

 

As I realized the perks of having a mate and started to get a better understanding of the potential of our relationship I was in awe of him. The only thing I could think of as I looked into his eyes was he would always be there. In that moment I saw snippet of something, Bryce stood there in the back ground, waiting, far away yet somehow still close enough to reach out and touch.

 

If I learned anything from earlier it was that we were both scared and hurt. Since our relationship started he'd never showed me that he was hurting or struggling so I'd felt for him when he opened up to me this afternoon. As his best friend I'd been there when all of his previous relationships ended and I knew he'd been affected but I hadn't known to what extent as this was the first time he'd bared his scars for me to see. He's obviously gotten hurt looking for something genuine amidst people didn't care for making a deeper connection. In the past he'd freely given himself only to be met with manipulation or rejection by girls who were with him for the wrong reasons. They used him for what he could give but when he offered his heart they didn't appreciate it, treating it as trash to be swept to the side. The result was a downtrodden damaged soul who was afraid to completely be himself even with those that he loved and held dear.

 

After a breakup he'd usually be down for a few days but he'd eventually go back to normally after, I assumed, he realized that those girls weren't worth it. All of them had been more interested in appearances not a real relationship. Even still each time he willingly gave his heart to those who never wanted him but rather the title of girlfriend. They liked that he put them on a pedestal and showered them with gifts but didn't really want to get to know him. After getting caught up with those types of girls time and time again he got with Emy thinking it would be different but then she cheated on him and ended up pregnant. So there he was again although clearly the scars from his past started taking their toll I thought he'd be okay just like always I never imagined that it weighed so heavily on him. In hindsight knowing what I know now I can see why he would have wholeheartedly tried to be who he thought I wanted him to be if he had lumped me in with his exes and mistakenly assumed that I had the same mindset and agenda as them. Even at the end of our relationship he'd only just started to show me a piece of the Bryce I knew he could be.

 

Seeing him like that and knowing we felt the same gave me courage now to speak because I know it couldn't have been easy for him.

 

"I'm sorry if you were looking for a more concrete answer given your first request. I don't mean to be so vague but it's this, this, and this it's not like I have a list somewhere I didn't write it down so I'll just have to tell you as it comes to me but for now I'm willing to work on it I get that because of your past relationship you doubt if you could make me happy as you are but like I said before you're workable but it's hard to work on it when you're constantly changing. Deep down I know that you try and at the heart of it you want my happiness but I need you to help me. You've given yourself before and other girls have hurt you but you're not a monster and you're not a hopeless case. All I'm asking is that you give me yourself too because up to now you've tried to protect me from yourself you never gave the chance to see for myself and decide that you have to be someone else to make me happy. So before you decide that you're not good enough, allow me that chance to see the real you. All I want is the genuine you. Just because your other girlfriends couldn't properly appreciate it, doesn't mean that something's wrong with you and it doesn't mean that you shouldn't be loved for who you are. I'm sure that we'll still have our problems but we can work it out. So, I guess the answer to your original question is I just want you to let me in –show me you, genuinely and consistently, and remember that I'm hurt too. I don't want to hear 'I'm scared' as an excuse from you because as scared you are I'm just as scared if not more so."

 

I'd almost gotten choked up halfway through but I pushed myself through it. When I was done the acceptance and warmth I was met with left me feeling a little overwhelmed. He held me tightly, kissed my forehead then whispered to me telling me more things that he'd held in. Being in his arms in this moment I could tell how much he cared for me and wanted us to work.

 

I hadn't ever realized how deeply he cared about me until now as he held me close and confided his worse fears. As I listened I couldn't help thinking 'that's why he'd held back' because he knew what he was going through internally while I hadn't known what I was walking into and he thought to protect me. He was afraid for me that's why as soon as we hit a smooth patch in our relationship he'd set up camp there. If we were going to be together then he wanted to be sure that we had a chance to be happy together and I couldn't promise him that not with Skylar's threat in the back of my mind. I could understand his knee-jerk reaction to want to protect me because I'd do the same in a heartbeat. After he poured out his heart and soul to me today I'd never willingly put him in the position to hurt someone else because I know he'd beat himself up about it.

 

 “Bry, mark me,” I blurted out before I could change my mind. “Bry?” I called out his name, my uncertainty slipping into my voice. As the silence stretched on I began to waver and I was less sure of myself with every second that passed. Everything about him had immediately gone still, he'd even stopped breathing. His hands that'd been holding me were now limp and rested lifelessly at his side. For a long moment he didn't reply and he didn't move so I lifted his head to look at his face but his eyes were closed. He was clearly struggling with the decision and I bet if he'd open his eyes now they'd show his wolf was in ascendance.

 

“I want you to think about it more for now because when we make that kind of commitment you should be absolutely sure. If you just need something to think of me there's a whole hamper full of dirty laundry that I already told my mom you'd be swinging by to pick up-” I hit him effectively cutting him off.

 

“No! You didn't,” I narrowed my eyes at him, he answered by way of laughing. “BRYCE!! How could you?!” I yelled hitting him again. He kissed me as he raised the seat, “why do you and my mom aim to embarrass me?”

 

“It's to show you we care,” he said.

 

"How?"

 

"To keep you centered," he continued.

 

"Oh yeah sure," I retorted sarcastically, as I said it another car pulled into the parking space beside us.

 

"And because it's fun messing with you," he added quietly.

 

"More like that's the only reason," I grumbled to myself.

 

“By the way there's a car charger in your glove box,” I’d gotten out of the car and he got out after me. Just then one of the airport buses pulled up and we got on. I pulled out his phone and started playing a game, “so you're going to ignore me?” he asked when I didn't respond to his attempts to talk to me.

 

“Yep,” I answered and he chuckled. He'd already had an arm on the back of my chair but he wrapped it around my shoulders, pulled me into him, and kissed my temple. Knowing I wasn't really mad at him, he rubbed his thumb up and down my arm when I melted into his side laying my head on his shoulder. He rested his chin on my head as he stared out the window during the short ride to the airport.

 

As we walked into the airport side by side he laced our fingers together and pulled me closer. Bryce guided me along so I wouldn't run into anybody since I my head was down. Even as we approached security since boarding had already started he didn't seem fazed because I always play games on his phone. He joked that I just wanted to play on his phone because he'd downloaded some of the games onto my phone. Once we'd gotten to the lines he stopped and turned to me. Beating his high score I proudly showed off my achievement to which he promised to pass it and once he did he'd send me a screenshot. I laughed, as I often did when he lost against me in a game. I kissed him goodbye but remembering there were other people around I cut it short. Just as he was about to turn to walk away his phone vibrated with a text message.

 

"What the hell, Bryce?” I exclaimed, “what is this?”

 

"What is what?” he questioned confused. I turned to the phone so he could see the set of text messages from Emy.

 

“After everything you still talk to her?”

 

“No, I don’t because as you saw all of those were unread,” he defended.

 

“Oh don’t even try that with me, I’m not stupid, you can read texts from your notifications and it won’t show that you saw it. Why didn’t you delete her number?”

 

“Because she’s still calling and texting me. I don’t know her number by heart so I just left it that way when I see it’s her I ignore it,” he explained.

 

“You could have blocked her or changed your number but you didn’t.”

 

“It didn’t occur to me that to do any of that because I didn’t think it was a big deal if I just ignored her. I didn’t read her texts, I didn’t reply, and I didn’t answer or return any of her calls,” he argued.

 

“It didn’t occur to you? Not a big deal? Maybe not to you but to me it is. You say you didn't read them but that's only a matter of wording, the bottom line is you saw them. And you didn't reply because some of these don’t