Always Yours, Amicia Bianchi [top non fiction books of all time txt] 📗

talk about it," I told her.

 

"But he had to know that not talking about it wasn't good for your relationship," she reasoned.

 

"He was scared…"

 

"Of what? Talking to you? A healthy relationship? What is there to be afraid of? It would've just been a conversation and you talk all the time anyway so why couldn't you talk about your relationship?"

 

"But you didn't have to threaten me into doing what you wanted," I reiterated.

 

"If I hadn't, would you have listened?"

 

"You can't force me to do what you want me to," I asserted, adamantly.

 

"Of course not, you make your own decisions," she sounded like she was mocking me. "I can't make you do anything that you don't want to. I can only try to guide you along but you'll do what you want in the end," she laughed cryptically. "But I have realized that we seem to think alike so I'm sure you'll eventually come around. Anyway, it's getting late we should get going. We don't want to be late, you know, the alpha doesn't like that," she said, standing up.

 

We left straight from the cafe and luckily made it to the pack house with not much time to spare before the pack meeting started. As we were going in to find a place to sit Skylar noticed Angie nearby and pointed her out, at that very same moment, it seemed, the girls standing with Angie saw us as well.

 

"I didn't know Alyssa hung out with Skylar," I heard one of our friends saying.

 

I felt a little guilty because I'd only just befriended Sklyar this past year during a time when I was avoiding my friends so it had never occurred to me to invite her to hang out with my other friends because I was used to hanging out with her separately. Now that I thought about it I realized how that must have appeared as though I was purposely hiding our friendship.

 

With the way it was being portrayed it felt as if we were finally revealing some dirty little secret and especially given the way the girls were 'whispering' about it I knew they were going to blow this out of proportion. There was no way that Skylar hadn't heard what they were saying about her as well but if she had her face didn't show it.

 

"You're not sitting with Angelica today?" Skylar asked, seemingly not offended in the least.

 

"No," I answered offering her what I hoped was an assuring smile.

 

"Are you sure?" she inquired, incredulously, "I don't mind, you always sit with her," she added with a shrug.

 

"It's fine, don't worry about it," I told her as we were passing by the group to get to two empty seats.

 

I avoided looking in the direction of the gossiping group of girls and I especially refrained from making any eye contact with Angie. I felt it would be better this way especially considering I'd just seen Angie hours earlier and we'd left off on a bad note anyway. It wasn't long before the meeting started and everybody went to their seats. By the time it was over I couldn't have repeated a word of what was said because I'd been so distracted by my own preoccupied thoughts not to mention the girls from earlier kept trying to burn holes in the back of my head.

 

Skylar and I were getting ready to leave when out of the corner of my eye I happened to notice a familiar figure and when I heard laughing I turned to look.

 

"What are you looking at?" Skylar questioned pulling my attention back.

 

"No, it's nothing," despite my response I had a smile on my face as I took one last glance.

 

The sight before my eyes was heartwarming, my uncle Sev was standing amongst a group of adults with aunt Mabel beaming at his side. Given how tall my uncle was and his stocky build it was hard to miss him. He had been animatedly telling the group something that had them all laughing with a smile on his face that made him look exactly like my dad. While everyone was laughing he and aunt Mabel shared a smile, it'd been sweet how they'd gotten so caught up in their own little world. I felt like I was intruding on a private moment so I happily turned my eyes away.

 

I'm glad they were finally happy because I know they'd been through a lot together and by the way aunt Mabel was smiling I could tell this wasn't just a fleeting moment of sobriety, uncle Sev was really back.

 

I went home hopeful that at some point Bryce and I could get back on track too. I was exhausted and once again just as I was crawling into bed to go to sleep I got a text message. With a pang of guilt I reached for my phone, knowing it was Bryce and feeling like I needed to say something. I simply typed 'I'm sorry' but before I could send it another message came in, except this one was from Skylar, telling me that she had my necklace.

Chapter 14: The Assignment

 

You know I'm your friend and I want what's best for you which is why I'm not going to sugar coat anything…

 

That was the beginning of the text I'd woken up to this morning from Angie.

 

Although only a few days had passed the pack was gathered together again on this rainy day for a funeral, to lay to rest one of our own: Shirley Watson. She was Emy's grandmother and the woman who had single-handedly raised her all of her life, since both of her parents were deceased. Now that Shirley had passed Emy didn't have anyone left except for her daughter, Amera.

 

At the funeral Emy looked solemn in her all black outfit with a small veil which failed to mask her puffy eyes. Today her hair was surprisingly in its natural state, which was an ombre-like mixture of blonde and brunette. She kept her daughter closely tucked into her side the entire time while she looked resigned, as though she could be out of her body watching herself.

 

She didn't look to have heard a single word that'd been said but I couldn't claim to have paid attention either as Angie's text message kept replaying in my mind.

 

I really want to help you, I feel like you're lost and need guidance but quite frankly, at this point, I'm not sure how to help you…

 

I briefly glanced out the window at the sky, the clouds were just as gray and gloomy as they'd been when I'd stepped out of my house this morning if not worse. Today, with the weather like it was and the heaviness of grief in the air, seemed to fit my mood exactly. The cause of my sadness may not have been because of someone dying but I still was feeling a sense of loss after everything lately, even though it was mostly my fault. I could say that I had my reasons but it didn't make me feel any better, so I mourned all that I'd lost as I sat in the back of the church with my parents.

 

Despite the fact that I wasn't fond of the girl it wasn't something I would have wished on her. Even though she had originally seemed like she was getting through everything okay by the time she'd gotten through half of the long procession of people who'd approached her to give their condolences she looked worn out.

 

Shirley had been an extremely nice lady and, although she'd been poor and barely got by, would try to help anyone she could. She had doted on her great granddaughter and I could imagine she must have been a big help to Emy in taking care of the little girl especially since Emy was planning to continue school. As we stood in the cemetery to lower Shirley into the ground Emy simply stared blankly at nothing most likely just letting all the words flow over her. She looked much how I felt, despite being in an estranged state again Bryce had made up for the texts I'd complained about by that next day and has since resumed his routine.

 

Why had things turned out the way they had like this? How didn't I see it coming? I felt guilty, seeing that I feel as if I was lying to Bryce for not telling him about the situation with Skylar but I couldn't see what telling him would do, especially at this point. Somehow I would have to figure this out on my own.

 

...But you know I'm always here for you and willing to help you with anything I can. I just love you and want you to do what's best for you.

 

Eventually the ceremony and everything was done so everyone started going home. I couldn't help feeling empathetic as I took one last glance at Emy as we left. Since both sets of my grandparents had died before I was born and both of my parents were still alive I figured there was nothing that I could tell her that would help as I'd never been in her situation which was another reason I'd decided not to join in the long line earlier. Anything I could think to say would most likely sound shallow but one thing that I did understand as I'd saw her today that resonated with me was that after everyone had gone home and the day was over the hurt would still be there.

 

No matter what they tell you or how much they reassure you that everything will be okay it doesn't stop the void that you feel now that the person isn't there neither will it stop the loneliness when memories come back to you only to remember that they're not there anymore. Nor would they be ever again. Whether the next day or the day after that, you'll still be affected. Your hurt and pain won't go away simply because the world around you keeps going and other people move on, seemingly forgetting that your grief isn't going to go away overnight.

 

This isn't something that you get over after a day, or over a week, or in a month and it is hard not to let your emotions overwhelm you. There isn't much that one can say to someone who has to re-stabilize their life and especially if you're not doing so well at it yourself. The darkness in my heart won't let me forget the bitterness of death in her eyes. There was no way I could say anything encouraging to her when I too struggle against an almost crippling sense of regret. There was no way I could tell her that when our circumstances were not the same, although given how things with Skylar were going my situation seemed just as inescapable. At this point, I felt that I couldn't nonchalantly carry on until I could ascertain that Skylar wouldn't seriously endanger anyone. Arguably, my suffering would be for a shorter period of time because Emy would never see her grandmother again.

 

In the days that passed my old friends decided to take what happened at the last pack meeting and spin it, spreading that Skylar was my "new best friend". Angie herself hadn't